SlagAnon update

[mummybb]

Dear All,

don't know what happened yesterday - I accidentally asked for my thread to be deleted but I actually was removing posts which might have identified individuals.

Have asked MNHQ if it's possible to reinstate without those posts as I know some of you were finding it helpful, as was I, but it got a bit out of hand yestersay so it might be they decide it's better all round to keep it removed.

Sending you love,

mbb xxx

[rascalboys]

thanks olivia and mummybb.

Olivia - you say the compulsion to reply is barely there anymore. I too felt like that a couple of weeks ago, until I saw him again. I really don't know why I even like him. He's not a nice person, he's no oil painting, but for some reason he's sexy, really sexy, and that's what I think I was addicted to. It's true that he doesn't care for me, or he would be leaving me alone now. When I fell in love with him all those 20 years ago, I walked away completely, because I knew he had a family and I cared about him enough to respect that. Obviously he doesn't. I am glad you are finding things easier now

mummybb - I can't tell DH all of it. He knows I've seen him and he knows that he now won't leave me alone. But I have stressed and stressed to him again that I know who I want. He is struggling a bit with it but we are making an effort. We had a lovely weekend away together. And we are planning things, and spending time alone together, which is lovely. DH is a wonderful person, in every way, I honestly couldn't wish for anyone better (gosh, I'm crying writing this!). exOM is a bastard, who only cares for himself. He's totally selfish and doesn't care of the consequences of anything. He is like a spoilt child. But yes, women do tend to go for these men!

[stuffedolivia]

Sorry rascal. He's never going to stop being sexy.
You could be describing my situation. We just have to keep away from them.

[rascalboys]

yes I know we do, time is a great healer! At least it gets more bearable anyway, even if the thoughts are still there.

It must be worse for mummybb though as she lives so close to him. I know that I can totally avoid him, quite easily.

Does yours live close by?

[stuffedolivia]

Yes, less than a mile away. It can be extremely tough at times.

[mummybb]

Not sure what prompted it - but I've just had a glimpse of myself in the mirror (metaphorically) and I just see a needy, deperate, attention-seeking, pathetic woman.

what a wake-up! looking fwd to first counselling session tomorrow followed by play rehearsal from hell.

god he must hate me.

[mummybb]

I think what prompted it was seeing how unhappy your exOMs have made you two - and how their actions must seem to someone on the other side.

somehow it seems worse for a woman to lose her dignity in this way than a man, but it's the same thing.

just feeling real now.

if they are anything like me at all - they will stop eventually - just you keep avoiding. It IS the only way. It's so simple it's painful

[mummybb]

One gets to a point where one is just in a pit of one's own making. And the only thing to do is keep digging. Eventually you realise you cannot turn the clock back and undo the mistakes, especially once you know that they are personality traits of your own and not influenced by what the other person said or did. Quite likely they will be able to ignore everything they are told about it being over - because they do not want to believe it.

My goodness, I'm actually feeling sorry for them now because I am one of them!

[mummybb]

Until they see this for themselves, that all is lost as far as this relationship is concerned, they will keep digging at you - hoping in vain to turn your thoughts back to how they were.

[rascalboys]

ah mummyb, I don't think you are like my exOM at all. It is obvious you genuinely care for this man. Whereas, mine I don't think either wants me or doesn't want me, he just wanted to know he could have me when he wanted me. I don't doubt he has feelings, but I don't think they are driven by love.

Let us know how the counselling session goes, I am contemplating it myself.

[mummybb]

cheers rascal - I 'll definitely let you know how it goes. But you have said something interesting there - now I am questioning whether I do love him at all - or ever did. Maybe I just got off on the feelings of being desired and now refuse to let it go. Perhaps in my head this was transformed into 'love' - but I think others wld describe it as obsession.

Ooh I can't wait now for the counselling. And deeply regretting the sunday morning poem. x

[stuffedolivia]

Perfectly summed up, rascal.
Fwiw mummybb, I don't think you're anything like the ex-oms; I think you have more in common with me,(sorry if that's worse!).

When you come to terms with the fact that in an extremely needy moment you allowed yourself to be made use of -(I don't simply mean sexually) - but that this tosser doesn't have it in him to make you or anyone else truly happy in the long term, you should feel a lot better. No doubt the counselling will help with this - wish I'd had some!

[mummybb]

You make it sound so much better - thank you

Still wish you could all come and see the play, and hurl drinks/abuse at torytwatorganboy - but it's really not that good - def. not worth £10. Unless i have a full blown breakdown on stage and start ranting and tearing the set apart and hurling props at him. That might be worth the ticket price alone.

[stuffedolivia]

That would be good value, mummybb!
But trust me(!), it's not going to happen: you've already realised that your dignity is worth far more to you than a bit of (negative) attention.

Anyway, now that we know he plays the organ, plenty of scope for some smutty innuendo and sme dodgy haiku, non?

Which reminds me, hello Gracey, if you're lurking; hope you're feeling more optimistic about dd's future. Miss you.

[mummybb]

ooh you just reminded me of an old one:

cathedral organs
when played by the devil's hands,
don't sound heavenly

ta!

[mummybb]

and unfortunately - he has a lovely one

that's if dw hasn't cut it off - I hope she has!

[stuffedolivia]

... come to think of it, KT's is rather wonderful too... maybe that's part of the problem. AAAAAAAAARGH

[mummybb]

he sounds ideal - can you give his address

[mummybb]

rascal - was thinking of you with it being Tuesday - hope he wasn't there x

[rascalboys]

Hi - was just about to post!

Yes, he was there. He was working in a building a few doors up and kept popping down to see if I was there. I couldn't see him as I was looking for his car and it wasn't there, but then as I left my work breathing a sigh of relief, he ran up from behind me and picked me up and ran with me away from the building. To be honest I whacked him I was so shocked but then we both started to laugh, until we both nearly started to cry....I don't do emotion infront of anyone though - and neither does he. So we just started joking about and then I went

How are you?

[mummybb]

oh that's awful of him - I expect you left feeling totally confused and annoyed and thrilled all rolled into one - and he went away knowing he still has you in his power.
Grrrr... MEN!!!!

Can you go there on a different day??

I'm ok - actually I have been busy all day which is unusual - and now I have to go out to my 1st counselling session, tbh I won't know where to start

[rascalboys]

yeah I am totally messed up again now. It just made me realise how much he made me laugh and how easily we get on together. Even though I've been telling myself for weeks that he was wrong for me.

I can't go a different day unfortunately.

Are you going to the counselling alone?

DH said he was leaving this morning. That he can't stand what is happening. Turned out he'd been texting him from my phone, pretending to be me exOM didn't give anything away though, thankfully. He didn't go in the end, but he said he thinks we both need counselling, or that he will go on his own.

[mummybb]

Oh my goodness! I am so sorry to hear about what has happened with Dh. You have been lucky there - and I think it's a good sign he has talked about counselling - this is a good opp for you to show him it's him you want. You really need to make the break - if you are strong enough and want ot badly enough I'm sure you can do it. Sending you hugs and strength!!! x

I am going on my own - dp is away - but it's just for me to help me cure my addiction to attatched men.

[rascalboys]

Thanks mbb, it is what I want - definitely -but I still miss him, you know. After my few weeks of feeling good about things, this past week has left me reeling again.

Did your GP arrange the counselling or did arrange it yourself? x

[mummybb]

the waiting list was too long - I have arranged myself - someone in the village - it'll be just my luck she's best mates with Mrs Torytwatboy

[gracepaley]

hello minxes

Just dropping in on y'all. Not feeling very haiku-ish at the moment as am somewhat tied up with dd - mb did you write yours out in ROUGH first how come you can remember them all? but wanted to send good luck vibes to mbb on your counselling - have you managed to stop drinking and valiumming?, and rascal I am feeling for you...your h was v naughty to send texts to om, but he is obviously hurting, and I think counselling for the both of you is an EXCELLENT idea. Hello, stuffed! How are you?

MY ex om is now back in the smoke after a time away. He has been relegated to the back of my mind as a result of dd - an odd but fortunate side effect - but I am VERY AWARE that he is now within reach, and it is somewhat destablising.