SlagAnon update

[mummybb]

Dear All,

don't know what happened yesterday - I accidentally asked for my thread to be deleted but I actually was removing posts which might have identified individuals.

Have asked MNHQ if it's possible to reinstate without those posts as I know some of you were finding it helpful, as was I, but it got a bit out of hand yestersay so it might be they decide it's better all round to keep it removed.

Sending you love,

mbb xxx

[rascalboys]

how's it going mummybb?

Still not heard a thing! It's been 8 weeks now since I've seen him and 4 weeks since we've spoken!!

Strangest thing last night though. I had a friend request on myspace from a friend of a friend of his. He doesn't know that I know he knows her, but when I looking at his friends on facebook ages ago, she kept popping up. Seems she's one of his best friends sister in law. So, obviously I want to know why she is messaging me! Anyway, at least I am one step ahead!

Reply back, let me know how you're doing! xxx

[mummybb]

hey rascal!

I get the snapping thing - it's so easy to take it out on those around you, and keeps the conflict going. I still think you should talk to someone about your feelings and why it is that you find it so hard to let go. My therapist has been fantastic at helping me unlock the unhappy 'inner child' in me. And she doesn't judge me - at least not to my face ;-)

i hope you have a good time away with dh, and that you manage to find (or at least recognise and deal with) what is missing in your life with him that you get / GOT! from OM.

I'm still seeing the damn cyberman. He's another hopeless romantic - we are well matched

[rascalboys]

hi, thanks for the reply!

I don't know what it is, we are constantly snapping. Actually I'm snapping at everyone. I miss OM, dreadfully. But I have deleted his email, number etc from everywhere so unless he gets in touch with me I have no way of getting in touch with him. I know it's best like this though.

DH is trying his best and we do have a w/e away alone booked so looking forward to that. I feel on the verge of tears all the time. I hate this mess.

What's been happening with you?

[mummybb]

hi rascal - have been in France for 2 weeks burning my sluttish skin to an appropriate scarlet red.

Just got back - what's going on with you and dh then? I'm all ears.. x

[rascalboys]

mummybb- you okay?

well it's over 2 weeks since my last post and still not heard a word! It is getting easier but I do have my bad days. Oh and me and DH not getting on at all

Hope things are better for you! x

[rascalboys]

Hi mbb - no I didn't meet him and infact haven't heard anything since my last post. He is very naughty involving his DD, but she has known about me nearly all the time and I have spoken to her a few times on the phone as she has begged her dad to let her talk to me.

I did send the letter. But I sent it his fathers house as sometimes his father throws away any post he gets for him (no idea why), and I wasn't 100% sure I wanted him to have the letter, so I thought I'd leave it up to his father! thing is now I don't know whether he's read it or not, probably not! It was a very to the point and harsh letter but I couldn't move on until all the things were said because I kept hoping he would call so I could tell him all these things. then he would call and I'd soften and that would be it until the next time he made me mad!

Regarding DH, I am finding it hard to be touchy feely with him. I'm just not in the mood. I am getting on fine with him on a day to day basis and he is being lovely, as always. He is spoiling me to be honest, which makes me feel more guilty as I don't deserve it. But now I really just want to completely put OM to the back of mind and try to feel 100% happy with my DH. Which I am really, if only OM didn't keep popping into my head.

How are things with you?
xx

[mummybb]

Yes, the title of the new thread was a tad ironic - but I think several of us did get some real comfort from this and the original at its height, because the topic is often to difficult.. erm.. shameful to discuss with RL friends.

[macdoodle]

Its a support thread like many others in relationships - OM and OW - I avoid it TBH!

[girlnextdoor]

I am newish to MN- can someone explain this title of thread to me- assume it is all about OM??

[mummybb]

oh blimey - rascal - have been away and only just caught up on your message! I do hope you had a better end to your week. Did you meet him????

What a tosser of an arse thing to ask you. I think he is definitely playing with you. We've always said he knew he could make you dance to his messed up evil little tune whenever HE needed you. It's awful to bring his DD into this. I am so pleased that you resisted this at least. Did he think that was another way into your heart - to show what a lovely family unit you could make.. ? (nasty) We know that he exhausted his range of emotional manipulation tricks a good long time ago - sounds desperate on his part - knowing esp. that you do still have feelings towards him.

As far as I can see - this has mostly been a relationship on his terms. He still feels he has you where he wants you by the look of this - but you can use this to show him otherwise, and I do hope you have done.

Have you sent him the letter? Did this help to get a load of things off your chest (whether you actually gave it to him or not)?

How have things been with DH? Where are you on the rollercoaster right now? What are you feeling about yourself? Is he actually contributing to your happiness - on balance?? I ask the last q because somebody asked it of me recently in rl and it made me have a long talk with myself - and I tried to step outside of my feelings for OM and just see him as something f*cking with my head - and that I was devoting far to much time to thinking and being miserable about him (in comparison with the time I actually got to spend with him, and how good or otherwise that time made me feel) and it pulled me up a bit.

It's impossible ( in my experience) to cut somebody you have loved from your life, just like that - I think he's well aware of the difficulty you have had/are still having with this and continues to use it to his advantage.

Let me know what happened next, please! x

[Irisheyes78]

Lime,

Are you really considering going to the party?

If you have a heart, make your excuses and don't do that to his poor wife.

[rascalboys]

mummybb - where are you? I need some support! Have been doing so bad since Monday!

He called me and begged to meet, even said we could take his DD out for the day. eventually I agreed to meeting him but not his DD, didn't seem right. He told me to call to arrange. I called, he ignored, again and again. Then he said he's sick of this few hours a week thing and sorry. WTF???!!!!

He's playing me now I think.

I have just written him a very long letter and now I am going to make myself forget he exists. I am having an emotional roller coaster and it is destroying me. I go from feeling one extreme to the other.

I hate him right now.

[rascalboys]

hiya - how are you?

Is Cyberman single? What does your counsellor advise?

It was difficult for me with him living far but then he did live alone...which made things easier....and also it was easier to just cut off from him when I knew it had to end, we had no mutual friends, would never have to see him again etc etc.

He has started texting again, wants to meet up. Says on a totally platonic basis but I'm not sure I'm ready for that. Although I am getting over him okay now, I obviously would still be attracted to him so I don't really want to go there. However I do feel I can text/talk to him without feeling any strong feelings and without the desire to see him. Looking back, my heart was in bits every time I had to say bye, even if I was seeing him again in a few days! Now I feel fine knowing that I prob won't see him for a very long time, if ever. I think I am just learning to live with it now.

This is without a trip to a counsellor, AD's or anything.....never thought I would ever get here! I was so desperate a few months ago.

Hope you're doing okay xxx

[mummybb]

I just realised how in control you sound these days - your tone of voice (err.. typing) sounds very different, more confident. I'm so relieved that one of us at least is being relatively sensible right now x

[mummybb]

oh Rascal - so glad to hear you're getting over him. Isn't it nice to know that you are so damn gorgeous

And yes, cyberman eventually persuded me to meet him - just to see what would happen - and I went, thinking 'it'll be fine, there will be no attraction', this will help me get over TTB and realise what I have at home is worth holding on to. Stupid, stupid girl that I am.

So the good news is that I am getting over TTB very nicely.

The bad news is that Cyberman and I are both now deeply in love ( or as much as you can be after only 2 months ). Another fine mess.

My counsellor still thinks it's all to do with my dad.

I think it will be fine as long as we don't get sad about it. We live miles apart and can only meet up once a week in town.

Now I understand more how it must have been for you..

[rascalboys]

oh dear mbb, what are you doing girl??

Do you think you did it in order to over TTB?

If so, I know where you're coming from. I have had 2 men actively come on to me in the last three weeks - so I must be giving out the signals - one is 10 years younger than me and the other is a really good married friend who I have fancied forever but would never take any further. So, I have managed to stay away from them both. At times it was tempting but it was only to get over OM and I couldn't face being in this situation all over again.

I am getting over OM now. Have only seen him once in a month and only briefly, 30 mins chat in the car. He has text me once since but I have ignored it. I do have times when I miss him and want to tell him things but I do feel a huge weight has been lifted since I haven't been sneaking around.

Is your man the one you met online??

[mummybb]

Hi all,

tentatively back on here - apologies for going into hiding. I have retreated to some caves in the hills of remotest Slagistan, and have changed my name to Osama Bin Shaggin - they will never find me...

Hope everyone is ok - perhaps it's time for an update from you ladies...

Risking your harshness/tutting/wagging of fingers/outraged horror (tick as appropriate) - here's mine:

I will simply say that I have reverted to type and have embarked on an amazingly passionate relationship (actually we have done nothing much more than kiss etc.) with a complete stranger and I am head over heels in love again.

I am a total dickwit.
In my head I am Anais Nin. Finally feel happy and alive and (im)properly, wonderfully loved..

Like I said - Dickwit.

There is no hope for me - hence the cave.

Would love to know how you are though..

mbb

[rascalboys]

Hi Lime - I don't think he thinks of me as his gf as such, I'm sure he would be off if someone suitable came along We just get on so well and it's sad we can't be friends, maybe one day....

My DH dresses in what I buy him (lol) so that's okay and he very fit and totally gorgeous in a 'comfortable' kind of way...if that makes sense! I have no idea why I lust after OM....DH is also a control freak but also in a 'reasonable' kind of way. But I am my own person and have been a single mum and find it difficult to have tabs kept on me.

The party is a toughy. Especially if you're expected to go. Good luck with that!

[limecrush]

hi rascal. So does he sort of see you as his girlfriend then??

that I couldn't handle- can't even handle one relationship really.

Just had another row with (d)h about our crappy sex life. Everything is as you say with your dh, he is pretty much the perfect father and companion, only he dresses appallingly (we are talking motheaten Inspiral Carpets t shirts from 1994), flat refuses to change and is really overweight. He's also a control freak in an irritatingly 'reasonable' sort of way. God I'm shallow. But these things build up over time.

am having horrible flashbacks to OM and my solitary almost-shag with him which feels like it might be the last cheap thrill I'll ever get

They are having a birthday party for their daughter in June and we are invited (I presume by OM's poor oblivious wife...). I have this horrible urge to go (as mutual friends would expect us to) just to see him again, whether because I still fancy him or because I really want to piss him off is debatable....

anyway I sent him a brief facebook message to say 'hope it's not a problem but may be coming, let me know soon as you can if you don't want me to'- and silence. No idea what that actually means. I don't want to turn up there and have him be vile.

I'm definitely still obsessed with a total twunt. This is not good in any way lol

[rascalboys]

Hi Limey me and OM are getting on good to be honest. We have had some nice chats. Everything is relaxed, no more nastiness from him nor obsessiveness. Just nice little chats about everyday things. Need to stop though, need to stop.

I feel that DH is too good for me too. I have put him through hell over the years with my insecurities, terrible mood swings and now this. And still he is the best father, husband anyone could have. He works hard, never says a bad word about anyone and he'd move mountains for our family. He deserves someone better and I want to be that person, so so much

Hope everyone is bearing up well!

[limecrush]

or are you lol!??

[limecrush]

yeah rascal I suppose dh must have some part in it but all it seems - even to me- is that he is 'too good' for me (and everyone even says that)

I think I just married the wrong person and I didn't know what kind of person I was when I got married. Or something.

How are things now with you and OM?!

is he texting obsessively??

[rascalboys]

yes - after restraining myself for so long I finally cracked and went round his house and...well....I don't think he knew what had hit him! But he didn't complain
I can't give him up, I am addicted, well and truly. I tried to 5-HTP but I feel the same.

Limey - I'm so sorry for how you're feeling hugs You can't blame yourself for everything, he has to play a part in it surely? I'm sure you are a good parent to your kids, how would they cope without you? Please go and talk to someone.

Grace - Is DH trying hard too? I hope things are a little better xx

[limecrush]

rascal I presume that means you got some

no I know I know it's not good but I'm still jealous.

Even more sh** has hit the fan here. (d)h has been searching the computer and found out about some of my internet activities. Which are now over, but he doesn't believe that.

I would almost be relieved if it were all over, it is just so shite. After all my crappy shenanigans he looks and feels utterly blameless for everything that has been wrong for a number of years. adn I suppose there is no getting away from the fact that he is just a better purer person than me in the end.

God I feel soooo depressed. The serotonin reuptake inhibitors are not doing enough work for me atm. I've been wishing I were dead a lot recently, I know sounds extreme but it seems to be only the kids that I'm still around for and not exactly a good parent to them

GP really feel for what you are saying.

Are you in counselling and has the issue of dh's lack of effort been discussed? what are the main issues apart from lack of sex (it's rarely isolated is it)

[rascalboys]

Hi girlies..how are we all doing after the weekend?

I've not been so sensible

Hope you've all been stronger than me...