SlagAnon update

[mummybb]

Dear All,

don't know what happened yesterday - I accidentally asked for my thread to be deleted but I actually was removing posts which might have identified individuals.

Have asked MNHQ if it's possible to reinstate without those posts as I know some of you were finding it helpful, as was I, but it got a bit out of hand yestersay so it might be they decide it's better all round to keep it removed.

Sending you love,

mbb xxx

[gracepaley]

oh and might just have to check out KT. You will have to give us more details. DOes he have a beard?

[stuffedolivia]

Oh gracey! - Talk about headfuckery - yours makes mine seem completely trivial - just caught up with ocd thread. I don't know how you managed to keep your temper during "therapy" session - sounds like they should give you therapy to cope with the therapy!

Not suffiently well-informed to comment on ADs for DCs, but must point out that DH had quite unpleasant side-effects when he was on them. Sorry if that's not helpful, but worth being aware of.

Reading your list of impossible activities is heart-rending. Just wondering -(sorry if it sounds fatuously facile) - does your dd listen to music, and if so, what sort? You mention reading to her and she can watch tv, so presumably she is able to listen; maybe you could investigate your own music "therapy". I hesitate to specify, but Bach in particular has been shown to have therapeutic effects. Sorry if that soubds crap and probably should have gone on ocd thread. Just a thought.

btw,(not completely au fait with ocd thread), who's F'ing Fiona?? sounds horrible.

PS KT is beardless - he's not into excess hair, remember?!

[gracepaley]

So Stuffed is the phone still ringing or not?
how's your new steely resolve?

{"fucking fiona" IS the OCD (we have to externalise it).

Yes lolling about listening to Bach would be good - I would certainly like it myself - but she is resistant to listening to music. I think she feels too agitated to let go enough. end of hijack}

Ah yes, the depilation haiku.......I thought maybe a beard would compensate.

MBB POST SOME PHOTOS OF THE PLAY could do with a laugh.....hope it is going well

Rascal hope you are continuing to not fancy him

I have no Man X news. He is still MASSIVE in my head. But I have not contacted him. He is supposed to be contacting me for a friendly drink, but has not yet. I am trying not to break and text him first. I can't go out at the moment anyway, dd needs me here at night.
That helps. But things still v tense with me and dh. Am going to discuss with my earnest therapist today.

[limecrush]

Hi everybody, namechanger here...
Can I join the sad slag sisterhood please... I've been watching this thread for a while & really need your support to get over this.

The history is that recently I went nuts for unspecified reasons and started texting this bloke, a husband of one of my NCT acquaintances ( I know, I know, I am appalling) to talk about my marriage problems etc yeah I was in denial about what I was actually doing. He is a known philanderer and I'd never fancied him before but of course he started coming onto me. I only met up with him once & had a drunken snog, & haven't slept with him but dh picked up my changed attitude to him & found out. Can't even really call him an OM, but of course, now I am obsessed in weird teenage crush way...

Initially dh didn't believe I hadn't slept with him & thought I'd been having an affair with him for months etc...think he believes me now, but hard to tell. Things incredibly tense, dh can't believe how stupid I have been, it is out of character. What he doesn't know is how obsessed I still am. I know this is the final straw for the marriage and we are separating, but the kids are so little and it's so hard. We are also still friends and companions, but the problem has been that dh fancies me and I just don't fancy him, for a long time. I dealt with it so well but until OM, didn't realise how sexually fed up I was.

Now can't stop thinking about OM. Like a lot of yours, he's blowing hot and cold. Stopped texting etc when dh dropped him off facebook (!! how teenage is all this...), 2 days ago had message saying 'must hook up with you soon' & to my shame I replied...then nothing since... have deleted his number off the phone so I can't give in to texting temptation, but am resisting impulse to email him. He never seems able to meet me anyway so why is he sending messages like that? just to keep me interested so he feels powerful? don't get it really...

I just don't know what has come over me. 13 years of marriage and I've never done anything like this. I feel this kind of deep corrosive shame but the obsession ain't going. Lol'd at gracepaley's desperation for cock, I too went on one of those married affair sites just to try to place OM in that context and stop seeing him as attractive!!

hope this isn't too long and rambling, good luck with all our complicated lives, thank god I am not the only 35+ year old teenager in this world!! xx

[mummybb]

Hi slutsters, i'm just liteally whizzing through - nice to see you limecrush (or whover you are??) and i will give you the benefit of my opinion when I have more time to devote to it. you are not the only one!

stuffed laughing at you attitude to KT - I do this means you are getting him into perspective.

I have a photo!! and a confession. I can put up the photo - but i cannot bring myself to tell you what I have done - but it does involve a tawdry adult dating site (runs away fast and tries to put up the picture) - the riteous brigade are gonna have a field day on me - and I don't think I can handle it. ( It does not involve torytwatboy I shld clarify that much)

love etc.

[gracepaley]

fess up, slutsister.

Welcome, new slutsister. Will read your post and comment unwisely soon.

[gracepaley]

Is there a righteous brigade?

[mummybb]

Morning all.

I believe there is a righteous brigade - she hasn't posted on here for a while to be sure.

Anyway - lime, can I ask you all the usual questions - self esteem issues for example, general everyday ennui, depression?

Mine came about because I just loved the attention - and picking on a known philanderer somehow made it all safer/easier but also somehow more dangerous therefore more exciting. Does any of that chime with you??

I have found that the obsession becomes almost greater than the man himself, and feeds on itself to the point of consuming madness - that what I think I am in love with is the feelings I get from the relationship. Tell us more about your relationship with DH...

Now - hope you have checked out the picture. Me and Mrs TTB had a lovely chat last night - we agreed we would castrate him together!

Now some sad news, my mother rang in the early hours today to tell me my father had died very peacefully at home. He had been going downhill rapidly since Thursday. It was somewhat expected - but those who have followed the thread closely will know if was only a few weeks ago he was diagnosed - and so it still seems very sudden.

As a result I will probably be off here for a while still. but i haven't left...

good luck to you all,

xxxx

[gracepaley]

so sorry, mummy bb. Take care darlin.
Am thinking of you.
xx

[limecrush]

I'm so sorry to hear about your father mummybb.

Everything you say is chiming with me. I absolutely think I am addicted to the feelings I get from what isn't even a 'relationship'.

Really bad evening last night, was out with some people for his wife's birthday . How totally horrible...but had to go cos have to act normal like nothing's happened. Feel I really need to leave the area, like I've tainted everything. Then I am on Facebook again hoping he's messaged me. Soooo teenage. And yes I do have all the ennui and depression issues!! but they never manifested like this before, at least not since I was in my teens!

What I really need to do is send him some sort of 'don't contact me again' message but can't bring myself to do it. Am steeling self though. xx thanks for letting me into the unrighteous brigade.

[gracepaley]

Limey - you deserve a diminutive.

Just read your original post - so sorry about your marriage; is it definitley the last straw? Is it worth trying the relate route? I think it probably is, no? (And counselling for yourself too, I am doing this, so is Mummy BB, not sure about the other slut sisters, but they have slightly different situations.)

I say this because my OM started because I had had problems in my marriage for a long time, which dh knew about but didn't want to face up to. One of them was that sexually our marriage was a disaster.

Whilst dh doesn't know about OM, he knows that I was very tempted to assuage my cock cravings elsewhere......

And now, after 18 months of my saying that things were not right, he has finally seen the light and we are trying Relate. I am not wildly optimistic, for a number of reasons, but I want to try and give it a go.

The obsession thing I can totally relate to, the original ennui and self-esteem not particularly, although my s-e has plummeted hugely as a result of OM's subsequent spurning of me and more, my own ridiculous behaviour. My biggest problem at the moment is that I seem to have transferred my affections from dh to OM, so that, for instance, whenever anything goes wrong in my life, I immediately want to contact OM. This is clearly delusional, as we only had one night together, but it is the way it is.

Sorry that was incoherent and not wildly helpful. Yes, RELATE, that was my point.
Oh and you have done very well to delete him from your phone. I still haven't managed to do that. I tried today, but failed.

Mummy BB hope you are doing ok,
and the other silent slutty sisters.

[limecrush]

Hi grace- more than happy to be a limey!

oh I am relating so much to what everyone on here says- what a relief as you feel everyone in RL would just call you, well, a slut! Yeah sexually the marriage is a bit dead. And dh hasn't faced up to any of our problems for a while. It was all just ticking along horribly, I have a 1yo so felt I couldn't leave but wanted to. I also work out of London 2/3 days a week (which is when the messaging of the 'OM' started- I felt like I was in a different world with no consequences. I bought that attitude back to London with me though, which is how I so stupidly got found out. Have to say I'm jealous that your dh doesn't know. I don't know what I'd be doing now if dh hadn't found out- don't think I'd have ended it with OM though I think he would have . Yes feel really emotional about OM although I have never actually liked him! Mad mad mad isn't it...

[gracepaley]

STERN VOICE:

RELATE LIMEY, RELATE.

[limecrush]

yeah we're in that actually. Is it working for any of you?

stuff has erupted today in a fashion that would be very very amusing if it weren't so awful...idiot OM has been messaging dh (they used to be friends but dh went off him ages ago, mostly because he is a totally amoral philanderer haha) saying 'I hear you are getting divorced, let's go out for a beer'. This AFTER I have let him know in no uncertain terms that it really wouldn't be sensible to come near either of us ever again...

so anyway dh sent OM a message saying f* off, I know what's been going on, just leave me alone please. I am then inundated with frantic texts from OM. 'oh god, what did you tell him, nightmare, I never really intended to do anything anyway, I was just flattered' (nice eh???) wtf????

think if anything's gonna put me off him it will be this haha

[rascalboys]

Hi fellow slag sisters, I have a confession to make...

Firstly though, mbb, I am SO SO sorry to hear about your father, lots of love and hugs. I hope you're okay and your mum too


Limecrush...welcome.

ok....my confession...holds head high and takes a DEEEEEP breath....I spent the night with him I know, I know, I said I'd got over him.

Basically, DH was working away, DC's gone to stay at gp's, I was all upset and down and he called, told me to go over so I did. we have never ever spent a night together before and it was the horriblest experience!! honestly! he irritated me the whole night, drank too much, he was creepy and pervy, following me around, urgh, I was up and out of there at 8 am (the rapid exit was due to him trying to snog me with that hangover breath).

One good thing though, now I know I don't fancy him. I have had my phone off since as I couldn't bear to talk to him! What on earth has happened? It's such a transition. Well at least I know my 20 year crush is well and truly gone!

My DH came home last night and I couldn't let go of him, I honestly felt traumatised by the whole thing!

Only a few weeks ago I was head over heels in lust and couldn't bear the thought of not seeing him again!

Well, that's my confession anyway....

[gracepaley]

Bloody hell, both of yas.

Limey I hope he leaves you well alone. What an utter utter twunt.

Rascal I really hope that this properly cures you of him, it sounds like an horrendous, kerpoofing experience. I feel for you - I guess it was inevitable after so long. Ewwwwwwwwwwing at the idea of him perving around drunkenly after you. VILE.
Will he be sensible and not tell dh?

MBB how are you darlin, and Stuffed?

Limey - we have only just begun the whole Relate process. I feel I owe it to dh to at least TRY and repair the relationship, although at the moment it is only the rational part of me that wants to. How far along are you?

MBB - thought you might like to know that I've decided to write a shite poetry cycle about the past year. I don't normally write biographically, and I would need to use a pseudonym to protect dh, om, and myself, but I think for me it's the best way of turning a trauma into a GOOD THING. At the moment dd's illness means I don't really have time for anything (MN excepted) but I WILL do it. So, I throw down the gauntlet to all of you wronged/slutty/simply too hot for your own good/sistahs to turn this shity experience into summat good.

[limecrush]

rascal are you feeling that thump-down-to-earth feeling like I am...what have we seen in these tossers???
it's got to have been some sort of self-punishment thing.

ex-OM actually sent dh a long message saying that he'd been 'flattered by my attention' (ouch! what a tosser) and that it was all just 'banter' and that 'nothing physical happened' (that bit is a lie of course). I mean, flaming heck. It is actually really funny though . Dh extremely unimpressed by him (even more than before) but weirdly is more into me than he was and is talking about trying again??

god knows why. I am clearly a total nutter as well as a slut. Think after being on the receiving end of om's madness he is now more convinced that I've had a truly barmy episode (as am I)

Grace have been to two relate sessions. Not great, but dh found them helpful.

I am very taken with your idea of a shite poetry cycle. I have already written a sort of slut's Bridget Jones Diary to which I will have to add tonight, do you think it would sell?

v. sorry to read about your dd's problems on the other thread, how incredibly stressful.

[gracepaley]

Ok. It's been MONTHS for all of us - in some cases YEARS since this all kicked off, and I am feeling in fighting form atm. I think dds illness has made me want to be v strong, and, in West Wing stylee, "the best I can be." To this end, I pledge to my slut sisters the following.

1. I AM NOT GOING TO CONTACT OM
   
2. I AM GOING TO COMMIT TO TRYING TO SALVAGE RELATIONSHIP WITH H
   
3. I AM GOING TO WORK V HARD
   
4. I AM GOING TO LOOK AFTER MYSELF PHYSICALLY/EMOTIONALLY
   
5. I AM GOING TO ENJOY MY LIFE.
   
   Those are mine. What are yours?
   xx

[limecrush]

great that you're fighting back. I am knackered today.

how long have you managed 1??

3 and 5 currently seem out of reach for me have to say

These are my (conservative) aims

1. move on from this appallingly mental episode

1. forgive self for above and general madness

1. concentrate on ds's and enjoy them

1. do something (anything) about the wreck of my marriage even if it just involves separating amicably for a bit.

1. Oh, yeah. Write a bloody book/ loads of articles (have to, for work, and am behind)

[gracepaley]

I think self forgiveness is essential lc.
And the others will follow from that.
You a writer? Journalist?

Yes I think dh and I might have to separate, at least temporarily, to get some sense of things.

I last contacted OM 2.5 weeks ago - not that I am counting . We are supposed to be being friends, so I sent him a friendly text. He texted me back, a friendly, but v dull, text. And we are supposed to be going out for a drink, but he has not suggested that yet. So I have to stop myself from doing it.

[limecrush]

That (self forgiveness) is the bit I am really struggling with grace.

I'm an academic actually so not only do I have to write these damn things, I have to research them in detail too, and have nil concentration atm!

Doesn't sound like your OM is as much of a tit as mine is- must be hard if he is actually a nice person. I'm starting to think I was sort of looking for idiocy and abuse (would make sense given some of my pre marriage history)

I really despise 'om' now but have totally realised that I was using him to fill in a gap. Everything feels empty now, all back to horrible dull 'normal' which was what I needed to change but couldn't.

Do you find it hard still lying to dh? I have only given mine partial truths and he is such a horribly clever git that I think he knows that very well. I have told too many lies and am holding on to some of them but the whole process makes me agitated and as if I'm not worthy of him anyway and should leave.

[gracepaley]

Oh limeydon't be so hard on yourself.
I can't remember whether you are in therapy yourself - I think most of us slut sistahs are - mine is essential to help me work out what was going on. Sounds like you could do with some, from your history and the fact that you consciously CHOSE a tosser. Can you both cut OM totally out of your lives; he does sound like a prize wanker, particularly in the glib msgs to your dh.

The nil concentration I understand. It is v hard to concentrate on the perfect sentence/speech when your head is full of other things. But will do it.

I don't really feel I have lied to dh, apart from not telling him WHO it is - he knows him - or telling him that I was in love with him. He knows I nearly slept with someone, and if he has any imagination, he can work out that that might have entailed some other activities. I've thought about it a lot, but I don't think it will help our relationship. I think it will just hurt dh, and possibly OM if he pressurises me into telling him.

OM is not tosser at all; that is v problematic for me. I am so hot that he could not help himself but he still loves his wife and did not want to get involved. I had been in love with him for a year, and fell REALLY badly after our night together.

Anyway in interests of pledge must go and do some work dh has taken kids to granny's

xx

[limecrush]

yeah prize wanker is defo right! Still can't get over what he said to dh. And guess what, this morning I get a text saying 'you OK?' !?? The problem with avoiding him totally (which I do want to do, believe me) is that we may have to see his wife around as we have mutual friends .

Really wish I could have kept from dh who it was. I was just stupidly careless, think I must have wanted to be found out (and stopped). Oh yes, I need therapy alright, but with 2 kids, an academic job and a separation to sort out I'm not getting round to it atm.

In love for a year? that is really hard. All I have to get over is a couple of months of bizarre attraction/repulsion. Am concerned though that since things feel so empty now, I'll just do something else stupid (NOT sex related though- just stupid- like jack my job in etc cos it's so bloody stressful)

[gracepaley]

Ok well that's your first pledge then innit.

I, limey, will not do anything else stupid, like jacking in my job.

Repeat after me.

x

[limecrush]

errrrrrm...

I'm working toward it grace

feels tempting atm though with a bunch of 1st year essays to mark! eek no wonder I've gone mad.