SlagAnon update

[mummybb]

Dear All,

don't know what happened yesterday - I accidentally asked for my thread to be deleted but I actually was removing posts which might have identified individuals.

Have asked MNHQ if it's possible to reinstate without those posts as I know some of you were finding it helpful, as was I, but it got a bit out of hand yestersay so it might be they decide it's better all round to keep it removed.

Sending you love,

mbb xxx

oh grace yr checklist

Are really brilliant- well suppose I have a PhD and work as academic...atm concentration is utterly shot, I expect to be exposed very shortly as doing no bloody work
Have father issues- ohhhhh yes
Suffer from depression- yes yes yes
look like Anne Widdicombe - well no, more like Janet Street Porter in a bad light

am also very generally hormonal, PMS etc, sure some of my madness is to do with weaning ds2...anyone else identify?

doing v.g. (apart from the very clean cyber chatting), have stopped obsessively wanting to alternately send ex OM hatemail and still wanting to shag him/hoping he'd contact me. All I've had is a text and message saying he is going to be at a certain party at the weekend (as dh will soooo not want to be there). Really want to go but still have slight hankering, god alone knows why, he's such a twunt but was a bloody good snog lol. So will probably stay away but worried our mutual friends will start putting two and two together.

bout you and dh limey. Is it a trial separation? Are you still working on it? You still have a tiny baby, that must be v stressful. Get some of Stuffed's magic cure.

MBB - I love my dh, but we have a lot of ISHOOS, not least the fact that we are not having sex at all. I love your basque of self delusion - Ann Summers?

ooooooooooh yes do it again baby yes yes oh ah oh

oh limey I hope you're doing okay. I'm scared to talk to any men on the internet at the moment cos I think I would be looking for something to fill the OM gap and I really don't want to go there again because I am a weak weak girl! Do you want to get back together with DH? Hope everything works out for the best for you both.

MBB, gracey, stuffed...how's it going?

Here is my little update...I was so tired last night, I went to bed fairly early for me, turning my phone off. I put it on this morning and I had (wait for it)...21 messages from HIM! They started off with 'you're the one' 'I've never felt like this before' 'please come and see me', then went to 'i knew love would hurt' 'can't you even answer me now' and then ended up with 'I'll turn my phone off then so you and DH won't be disturbed anymore' and 'thanks for breaking my heart' and then 'bye'. Then this morning he calls but I don't answer. Then I get messages saying he's got a serious drink problem and he's sorry.

I really don't need all this, I have just eaten some sandwiches, a huge sausage roll, a bag of crisps, a 230 g bar of chocolate and feel so sick and fat now Usually I would have a mug of soup and fruit for lunch - he's really not good for my health!

On a better note, me and DH are getting on really good, we are both making a huge effort and it's working

Rascal, he really is a twat. 21 messages? 21? That is SO selfish and self indulgent and has very little to do with you/how much he lurves you but everything to do with his own deep fuckery.

I think you need a SERIOUS plan now. This is not good.

Starting with the drastic

move house
change job
get injunction put out against him

to the less drastic

get new mobile number
get dh to ask him to leave you alone
ask him to leave you alone and delete him for good
change job day
practise broken record technique of "I know how you feel but I am not interested in you"
until you MEAN it
therapy for you
therapy for you and dh

I am just brainstorming here but I HATE to think that such a halitotic twat could put you through that. How very dare he.
Good luck. Hope you find some resolve. xx

flaming HECK rascal

they are all mad (apart from Grace's nice OM)

got to go- but stay strong, must be hard to avoid wanting to respond to the attention.

yep gracey, he is messed up, seriously I think! When I was seeing him, he used to get funny or call me if I didn't reply to his text in FIVE MINUTES!! Yet sometimes he would go hours without answering me and I never said a thing about it!

Lime - when he's like this I actually find it very easy not to respond to the attention - it drives me mad. For some reason it's when he's not bothering with me that I find it hard not to contact him

Mine and DH's relationship seems to be going good. I did mention counselling to him but he said he thinks we can work it ourselves. We have been 'dating' again and making time to do fun things together and in a way it's gone back to being like it was when we first got together, like we are discovering each other all over again. Sounds strange I know when you've been together years and have kids together, but I'm not complaining

Grace, hope you're continuing with the giving up smoking..hope your children are doing okay too.

Lime, hope the party goes well....

Hope you all have a fantastic weekend!

bloody hell Rascal!!! - just seen this, that is really quite scary and actually very nasty - I am sooo pleased to hear your dh is being so lovely. You don't deserve to put up with that from OM.

Are you sure your on and off feelings towards OM are not now just guilt - just a thought??

I said before he is utterly desperate, the thing that worries me if is there any likelihood he would turn up at your house..? either when dp is there or otherwise. would your DH be ok if that happened when he was there, would that be enough to put OM off? is that behaviour not what you would expect of OM?

I'm glad it's the weekend and you won't be on your own. Can't remember exactly what DH knows - would it be worth him answering your phone or replying to a text if he does it again?

Somebody PLEASE tell me if that is a terrible suggestion.... but I know it would put ME off and I have been in his shoes (kinda).

sending you all love, may not get on again 'til after funeral except perhaps to check and see we've all survived the w/e xxxxxx

Back again..

and limester, yes.. I think you must be quite a bit like me.. the internet thing is so lovely and safe isn't it. I can be the wonderful sex goddess I want to be.. without any of thr rl pain. It was great ...

Perhaps we could double date? (no, kidding, ha! of course - I am mentally not up to doing this and have told cyberman now anyway - and obv it is wrong what with us both not being single innit)

I would go for it perhaps if I were you - if you think he seems lovely - BIG BUT I think perhaps not yet. If he's a good guy he'll understand - and he's if not worth your time, then he won't. Does that make ANY sense at all!?

gracey - my basque is by Vollers!

actually - because I have lost 2.5 stone since it was made (November) it's too big - anyone here want a black velvet underbusk 34" waist (before lacing)? Almost as new. All reasonable offers accepted..

oh, I didn't realise it was a REAL basque of self-delusion, I thought it was a METAPHORICAL one......anyway too big for me baby, although not for long probably as am eating for England since not smoking. Very hard to balance these things innit. How is one meant to do that, and also LIVE?

Stuffed, darlin, what happened at the EVENT at which Mrs KT was going to be present?
Did you hold your head up high? Did you look killer? Bet you did.

Limey are you going to party or what?

Gosh, 3 days is a long time in Slutworld!

Rascal, am shocked but not surprised by OM's recent behaviour. He is obviously becoming increasingly desperate, which is particularly dangerous for you and DH whilst you are putting everything into repairing your relationship.

If your OM is anything like KT - and we have every reason to believe that he is - he will be relentless in his efforts to undermine your healing marriage. DO NOT LET HIM ANYWHERE NEAR DH. If OM feels that he is no longer having any impact on you, he may well change tactics and attempt to undermine your relationship - in the insane hope that the subsequent discord will send you running to him.

With hindsight I'm glad I stopped responding to KT's texts, but think it would have been better not to ignore his calls; this just resulted in him becoming so frustrated that he came round. When I wouldn't let him in he got at me via DH.

I know precisely what you mean about it being easy not to respond, and yet very diffficult not to make contact when you're not being bothered. Was also subjected to the control-freakery of KT expecting an immediate response to every communication.

Sending you strength and hoping he'll find his dignity and leave you alone soon.

Hi Stuffed - I don't think he would go anywhere near DH, he doesn't know him at all and so I suppose he is apprehensive about ever having to meet him. I do worry about him coming round if I don't ever reply, but he has never been to my house before so I suppose it is 'unknown territory'. Saying that though, I know he has done some crazy things to exes when they have split, nothing violent, just strange!

He has been texting me still, again alternating between nice and nasty and sometimes just trying to get a reply from me.

MBB - how are you? thinking of you this week. In reply to your question, DH doesn't know anything other than we met up and were in touch for a while and now he won't leave me alone. I don't want him to know anything else as it would make things worse not better and we are desperately trying to be okay.

How is everyone else doing?

Sorry to hear that you're still being pestered, rascal. I know how unsettling it is when you just want to get on with your life. Hope it won't be long before he finally gives up, although that too will bring its problems as you may experience strange and unexpected withdrawl symptoms. Did you bother with 5-HTP in the end?

How are you mummybb? Loved your "beautiful basque of self-delusion"; reminded me of the string bikini of (supposedly) surreptitious sex, once pesented to me by KT... oh dear, does that sound like a relapse?

Wishing you all the best for tomorrow. Will be thinking of you.

Gracey, how's it all going? You must be very strong to be holding it all together at the moment. D'you think the 5-HTPs work? I have a horrible feeling I'm becoming habituated to them and will either have to raise the dose or investigate 'real' ADs.

Don't knock DH's sunny disposition - at least it gives you one less thing to worry about. My DH's moods are all over the place. He has even started shouting at DC's, which is very distressing all round.

Btw, forgot to thank you both for your excellent advice re- last Friday night's function. It was all female, so no DH, but no close girlfriends either. I decided to concentrate on the wit and confidence bit:
dressed in Roland Mouret-esque scarlet(!) number with matching nails and 4" heels. Think I stood out a bit in the sea of white linen trousers and floaty tops...

Mrs KT was also very glam, and actually really friendly - apart from one slightly uncomfortable moment when she asked me where I'd parked my broomstick, but it wasn't said bitchily. Pointing out that her mates are bound to have their private opinions of her really helped me when I found myself seated between two of them, so thank you again mummybb.

How are you, limey? Have you sorted out your serotonin levels/found a suitable man? Did you go to the party?

hiya lovely sluts
didn't go to party. Really hoping people don't notice we are now TOTALLY avoiding ex OM and wife. Especially her (cringe)

Had nice w/e in Whitstable yes with (d)h!
we are speaking. But I don't feel good enough to be married to a nice stable man. Anyone relate!??

I actually think if we move out of London this relationship might have a (ghost of a) chance. Think London ratchets up my stress levels no end.

re. serotonin have been doing some minor researches. I've been on sertraline since birth of ds2 cos of record of PND. Since bfing have (of course) been manic and sex mad etc etc. Have just changed back to plain prozac and feel much calmer but sort of flat missing all my mania in a way... I think the serotonin system is definitely the key to some of this and the rest has got to be self esteem, childhood damage..oh and lack of decent marital sex ha ha

oh mummybb your cyberman was not single either...I do know that temptation so well...I have just cut myself off that dating site now but it was MUCH easier to do it in my less hyper state, though I did feel a bit sad about my nice bloke! Even if I do date eventually it's just much too soon...I need to get my sanity back.

Aw stuffed the scarlet Mouret sounds fantastic!

First off MBB thinking of you today and hope the eulogy goes really well.
Sending lots of love. xx

Second off.

Stuffed sounds like you rocked that room. It must have been tough; bloody hell, you must have had to do LOADS of oprah-stylee affirmations about yourself. You sound v strong. Well DONE slutfriend. Did it feel good? Sorry the 5HTP is starting to wear off.
Why is dh being stroppy?

Limey good that you have extended the moratorium on internet dating to yourself. And great that you had a good weekend with dh. I share the fear of a good stable marriage. I will let you know if I have any blinding insights. . ACtually I might have some, am just off to see earnest therapist. Look after yourself.

Rascal, sending you vibes of strength and non response. I thickly hadn't realised that dh knew NOTHING about it. Can see why you don't want to drag him in. Would def. change your mobile number though.

yo girlies, how we all doing?

MBB - was thinking about you yesterday, hope it all went ok, hugs.

I haven't tried the 5-HTP yet, have always been terrified of getting stuck in anything, probably totally irrational I know. But even when going through terrible times a few years ago and finally breaking down in GP office and being given AD's, I got home and threw them away I have this total fear of 'needing' anything. In reality, I know I probably need something

But I do need something to keep my emotions under control. I saw OM yesterday, he told me he was going to be there, and I went I couldn't help it.

Now, after all you've been saying about father issues, I don't have any of these my father is a wonderful father and always has been, but I have been digging deeper and I think I have always felt inferior to my younger siblings, still do really, although I don't really care anymore, I think Have always felt I'm 'not quite as good' and maybe slightly left out?? Everything my siblings do has to be better than me. I have also always allowed my family to say anything they want to me and not bite back, but if I say one thing out of line to them then they aren't the nicest! I was bullied at high school cos I would never given in to peer pressure, then found a lovely man (boy?) and cos he showed me attention, just settled down with him until we divorced because we were just too good friends, more like family, no sexual attraction there at all and we were only early 20's when we divorced!

Now I'm older, a million times more confident, I think I am just basking in the attention and I can't give it up. He gives me attention and makes me feel good, so I can't stop.

Does this make sense? I think I'm just writing it all down to understand it all myself! I know it's not just because I want this man, because I don't, yet I can't break away.

oh yeah rascal I do relate. Basking in attention etc.

interestingly I do feel a lot less of a need for that since changing AD. I don't need the 'fix' so much. I think there is an addictive element to slut behaviour definitely.

so are you looking forward to seeing him again? cos it sounded previously as if you were pretty repulsed by him (which is good!) x

Hi lime,

There is an addictive element isn't there, I feel now that if I give up OM, then I need something there to replace it, terrible isn't it and I truly hate feeling like this. I would love to be content with my wonderful DH and DC's and I don't know why I can't be.

I don't know if I will see him again, I don't plan it like I used to. Previously, whenever we met I'd make him promise when I could see him again but now we just say bye and that's it and I leave having no intention of seeing him again. I've been thinking about the night when I was repulsed by him and I wonder if it was more guilt creeping in? When I saw him yesterday we only talked, that's all we've done since that night, not for want of him trying but I know that would mess my head up more.

I would love to be friends, but that can't happen can it....?

I think I am trying to read into why I am feeling like this now, I think maybe if I understand why I am doing it then it will be easier to let go.

Anyway, how are you? And everyone else?

What could you replace it with Rascal? Are you, maybe, bored? Does your job challenge you, do your kids challenge you,do you know what you want from your life? What could give you a buzz that good without the danger, disappointment, disgust?

Don't be scared about the 5htp; it isn't addictive in the slightest; you don't feel altered on it. I just feel calmer, less jangly, less volatile. What it hasn't done is detached me from OM, as I realised when I texted him in the middle of an argument with dh. .

OK. So Limey and me = no marital sex or shit marital sex. Stuffed? Rascal? MBB?

Just sleuthing more similarities.

Limey does your weekend away mean you are no longer separating? {hopeful/naive emoticon}.

.

I really don't know grace. My job is a bit boring but this is something I aim to change when DC's at school properly. My kids challenge me What I want from my life is what I've got, sounds ridiculous eh? Before OM came along everything was fab.

Me and DH have brill sex to be honest, but now I can't stop thinking about OM and compare

Rascal I do think some of the addiction/obsession is the kind of thing that will only go with time/separation/antidepressants. I think your brain gets into destructive patterns. I was kind of watching myself doing these stupid, ridiculous things and feeling unable to stop myself. The hardest thing was dh and the marriage counsellor (!) saying 'you had a choice'- cos I didn't feel as if I did- I wasn't even acknowledging the reality of what I was doing, it was like a fast-moving game which I now realise was playing with other peoples lives and feelings

You're doing well to resist his efforts to see you again. but does dh compare well to him!? (certainly hope so lol)

yes Grace you may be right!

but I sooo don't feel good enough for a nice stable man. He says despite me being a nutcase his life is too boring without me guess being sane isn't all that great at times!!

Lime. Is it that you don't feel good enough, or is it that you are bored?

I veer between the two with my dh.

I think both grace.

One thing I would say is that he is definitely not a boring person- but I get bored.

I think he is a bit 'too good' in general. He has put up with an awful lot from me (not affairs btw before this! just general bad temper etc) and I think it might be partly because he is so stable and hardworking and loyal etc etc that he needs to be with someone very emotional and chaotic.

sexually am definitely bored and not very happy. He's either unavailable cos working, or knackered, etc etc and what we do have just isn't great frankly. I had given up working on it hence the fling I think.

What I think went really wrong for me were that the AD mania tipped me over into 'choosing' an utter bastard and a thoroughly inappropriate one at that. Think otherwise I would have carried on muttering resentfully and just fantasising about random shags.

What about you and dh- is it any better- or are you still struggling with boredom?

btw am extremely jealous of you rascal having brill sex with dh AND om - not that you're EVER going there again with om right...!