SlagAnon update

[mummybb]

Dear All,

don't know what happened yesterday - I accidentally asked for my thread to be deleted but I actually was removing posts which might have identified individuals.

Have asked MNHQ if it's possible to reinstate without those posts as I know some of you were finding it helpful, as was I, but it got a bit out of hand yestersay so it might be they decide it's better all round to keep it removed.

Sending you love,

mbb xxx

what subject do you teach?

law!

have had one laugh though, one essay told me that 'the legal system is affected by social class, which was invented in the Victorian era'

am distracting self by thinking up hatemails to ex-om which I will not send

Christ almighty ladies - I go away for 5 minutes and it all kicks off again. I can't stop long so..

Limey - when you say you have chosen this person to be your lust object of madness that sets alarm bells ringing for me. my therapist has asked me to look back at my life and discover whether as a little girl i felt unloved or rejected by my father. ( Particularly difficult in present circumstances - we are all doing fine though - my mother is a total rock!). I like that you think of it as an episode from which you can move on - that's good. I cannot say how much i would recommend counselling - Stuffed I think she used a combination of theories, i will get some details for you. at the outset, I was really unsure of it - but a few sessions have already helped me unravel my behaviour patterns and why i crave the attention, and now long to replace the 'excitement' this relationship with the twatman gave me. (my dp also sat here marking exam papers - Students are becoming less able with each cohort. Discuss.)

Rascal!!! I was shocked to hear what you had done - but I have done similar - and it made me feel good .
if your experience has helped you draw a line under things then don't feel about it. i wish the old thread was still here - you sound.. (erm.. write) like a different woman now! A prouder, calmer, stronger woman.

grace - are your pledges working..? i found it v hard to follow the positive affirmations i made on here back in Feb. While HE still ruled my life - nothing worked. I met him on Saturday - at the aftershow party. me and her had discussed it. We had a short chat - he said ' I hope we can still work together' I said ' my father died this morning'. then she came over and i told him we'd had a chat and she would hold him down and I'd cut his bollocks off. All he could say was 'why do you get to do the good bit!'. I then said to them both that we had 1 month before choir started and it would be mrs TTBs call if she didn't want me to go anymore with him - and I left - head held high. Not actually feeling that much for him. Not bad for a girl who had once decided to throw herself off Beachy Head after the play was finished.

That's the good news...

the (other) bad news is i've met a man on the internet and he's lovely, intellectual - I mean really so, quite handsome (erm.. not in my league i think), married, not looking to leave just looking for a long term romantic adventure (not a quick fuck he assures me).
I have arranged to meet him in 1 month.

Am I an slapper/idiot who has just got addicted to illicit relationships? Discuss.

I am now running away as fast as my fingers can type this..

xxxxx

forgot to add - I have no intention of meeting the internetman. hence giving it a month to let it cool down. But I would be a liar if I didn't say I hadn't enjoyed the attention

more important things have since taken over anyway - and i know i should do the right thing by dp and ds and all my family. (As well as being kind to myself and the potential ow).

See.. lessons learned. maybe I am truly reformed - or very nearly

Mummy BB you ARE NOT to meet this man.
Absolutely not.

And you must immediately cease all dalliances with attached men.

Have you told your counsellor about this?

That is NOT the way to go, slut sistah and you KNOW it fine well.

I know you are in a ridiculously complex situation rendered even more complex by grief........ and I really feel for you but you have been sounding much stronger recently and you really don't want to get back to your valium popping, wine swilling days of self loathing. Even a cyber attachment to a MARRIED man is a NO NO. You know this obviously but I am just sternly, with my pince-nez on my nose, a la Professor McGonagall in Harry Potter, reminding you. SEVER THE TIES. NOW. AND TELL YOUR COUNSELLOR WHAT A NUMPTY YOU ARE BEING....

yours in stern sisterhood
Gp.
esquire.

mbb - please don't meet him! If at the moment he is helping you draw your attentions away from TTB then maybe that's a good thing??? But make sure you don't fall for him, keep a HUUUGE distance!

Well girls, I finally put my phone back on and all I had was a text from sat asking if I'd fell out with him! Why isn't he grovelling and trying harder, lol Maybe I made as bad an impression as he did.

How is everyone feeling today?

and was he slouching around work today rascal?
What is your plan?
KEEP STRONG.
x

I didn't go!!! I arranged to go a different day this week

I am feeling strong, I am just wondering why he hasn't bothered.... Maybe the vibes I was giving off were somewhat off putting!

But that's what you want rascal, innit.

PUT HIM OFF!

MBB, I was concerned to see you on that vile slags thread, it wasn't about you was it? WAS IT? I'll 'ave 'oever's been slating ya, I will.

Hope you have severed with your cyber man. Bet in real life he is underendowed and halitotic. I find the cynicism of these sites absolutely abhorrent, and certainly below you MBB.

Have you sorted the funeral yet? Must be v v hard. Thinking of you.

And stuffed, and limey, hope you are enjoying the sunshine!

hi all,

no it wasn't about me - i hope not anyway. it was late and it obviously just caught my mood. i am interested in the question about whether the fact the men are unavailable makes them more attractive (and i guess the same question is equally valid for the men who find themselves in relationships with attatched women).

cyberman is another riduculous fantasy - it will be easy to extract myself - he did seem like a genuine gem among the turds though

nope - bad thinking - be sensible!!

rascal so pleased whatever you did is working. I find his character so hard to make out - all of these men seem complex (and that slags thread needed people to counter the assertion that it was all so base and simplistic).

funeral not 'til 20th! everything is arranged - so for now life goes on. my mother's carry on regardless attitude is very infectious - and my dad would hate that we were all moping about and making a fuss.

do hope everyone is enjoying some peace and sanity

x

Hello again all - and welcome limey.

Mummy bb, so so sorry to hear about your father. Hope you're ok. You sound so wise and sorted about everything.

Sorry about temporary disappearance; have been trying to cope with the situation by simply refusing to contemplate it - ostrich-like, I know, but couldn't concentrate on work otherwise.

Anyway, couldn't help wondering how everyone else was - quite a lot to catch up with!

What a revelation, rascal - sounds like you've managed to break the obsessive cycle though. Hope you're staying strong and resolute.

You never fail to make me smile, gracey; so glad I decided to log on! How's dd doing?

Limey, fwiw, I thoroughly agree with all the advice you've received on here. Imo, Relate takes a while to really take effect; I found it very hard at first and nearly gave up, but I'm so glad I stuck with it.

As for KT, Mrs KT finally served him with divorce papers last week. No doubt there will be fallout, but I'm doing my best not to encourage it by actively trying not to bump into either of them. Mrs KT has at least been honest enough to admit that I'm only incidental to the situation and that he has had it coming for years due to constant philandering and generally unreasonable behaviour. However, she seems more than happy to let everyone else believe that I'm the villain of the piece. Those who know the history of this mess and recall Mrs KT's own shenanigans with my dh may understand why I am finding this a bit hard to take

Hoping for peace for all in our time..!

Gracey, forgot to say how much I identified with your pledges - particularly no.5. Sounds banal, I know, but unless we try to enjoy life it would be pretty pointless. Oh dear, that sounds crap
Never mind. Hope you're managing to keep them all.

stuffed - hi lovey! Good to hear you are getting on with things - ostritch like is ok.. if it helps, but you have no need to hide. Have you read that slappers thread? quite a lot of people (surprisingly) are quite sympathetic to the idea that the ow is not always the one to blame, but it's v easy option for her to let everyone to think you are the villain - that can't feel good - I feel for you in this and can totally understand why you feel about it.

You sound pretty together yourself! i'm not completely sorted but i'm glad I sound it - thank you - I don't think KT is my cyberman - no beard - and he's scottish - and flies planes - gotta stop thinking about him!!.
Hope you caught the play photos btw.. you missed nowt - but at least Mrs ttb and I are talking.

To all the sistahs - just curious to know what part of the country you are in..?

Hello. I am just coming on here to be v self pitying (stuffed, 'lo darlin, have read and absorbed and will make astute asides later).

DD is doing great, am so proud of her, she is fighting with all her strength.

I am not going to contact OM, but am feeling extremely bleak. Still have huge feelings for him, and can't see a way to repair my marriage. Feeling old, ugly, and foolish and intrinsically unloveable. Thanks for saying it takes a while stuffed. I will hold on to that.

Ah, time for more poetry, maybe? Must be something I can do, apart from opening more wine. Hmm. Am not impressed with this aspect of self AT ALL.

Aaaaaaargh! - just wanted to try and console you, gracey, but sleepily pressed the wrong key and lost all my words of wisdom!

Anyway, you can stop feeling sorry for yourself - I'm fairly sure you're not as old as I am, for a start. And even if you look like Anne Widecombe you're obviously hugely charismatic and have an outstanding soh. SO GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK.

So glad to hear that your dd is doing well.
Looking fwd to your astute asides.

Thanks for your support mummybb. Lol at thought of KT with unnecessary facial hair -
he's beardless as well as (almost)pubeless!!

PS I'm also in the Saarf Aste.
PPS How do I get a look at the play photos?

Judge for yourself what I look like.

www.eastmidlands.info/.../portrait-33.jpg

xx

or with a jauntier 'do news.bbc.co.uk/.../_129845_widdicombe_150.jpg

fark am even too ugly to post pictures of self on this thread.

Loving the idea of the Saaarf Aste.

I am a Londoner, of course, but currently residing in its genteel western suburbs, characterised by a surfeit of rugby wankers.

Hi girls

Had to post to stop me texting him

Heard nothing for almost a complete week now! How do their minds work.....

Obviously I don't really want him to as it's been a much more carefree week this week but then I get to thinking and wondering and....ouch my head hurts, going round in circles.

I am sure you all know what I mean anyway!

I'm in Shropshire mummybb.

Glad your DD is doing well grace
Regarding OM, I think you are feeling the same as me. We will be strong though!

PS - please send me 'stay strong' vibes as I am slowly cracking! (keep reminding me of how gross he was last weekend!).

grace your links don't work!

I too am Londoner. We're a dissolute lot eh.

mummybb I so understand where you are. Think we have many of the same issues (does it all have to come down to father rejection lol, seems such a cliche eh? )

I am feeling sooooo empty without my unsuitable and twuntish involvement. Even though I now hate him I still want to shag him (or at least someone lol). I can so see why you are going online seeking more, I think it's definitely an addiction, attention/sexual thrill without it being properly personal.

Plus then there's the thrill/downer of always waiting to be contacted (eh rascal?) that's one reason I'm glad I've told OM to f* off, cos now I don't have that big downer of 'oh he hasn't contacted me for another week' etc.

Right I am separated from ex h properly now so where the hell to find a suitably unattached shag?? lol (only partly joking). Bad luck is I resemble Ann Widdecombe pre diet atm.

GET A GRIP, RASCAL!

I think this maybe time to tell you all of the fantastic turnaround I have experienced this week.

Over the w/e I felt incredibly low, hopeless and lacked the motivation to do anything much other than basic functioning. Had also been chronically fatigued for weeks. Suddenly realised that these - plus other banal and boring symptoms - smacked of the early stages of clinical depression.

I did consider going to gp and asking about ADs, but DH's experience of them has been very off-putting and anyway I didn't think I was at that stage yet. Thought about various ways of mood boosting, when a casual and somewhat lethargic websearch stongly suggested that virtually all my recent 'difficulties' could be the result of a lack of serotonin.....

What particulerly interested me was that lowered serotonin levels are stongly associated with obsessive/compulsive/impulsive/self-destructive/generally negative behaviour. Moreover, the body's production of cortisol as a reaction to stress depletes serotonin, exacerbating the problem.

Hopefully this will ring bells for some of you - for me it was a eureka moment that explained so many things. It even demystified my strange cravings for cottage cheese and other foods high in tryptophan,(a key cmponent in the production of serotonin).

Anyway, before I turn into an American self-help guru -(maybe I already have - sorry!) -I strongly recommend getting to Holland&Barrett/Boots/online for some 5-HTP (L-5-hydroxytryptophan). I realise I sound a bit crazed and that it may sound dodgy/too good to be true, but I started taking the stuff on Tuesday and by yesterday I felt quite literally as if crushing weights had been lifted off my head. My perspective has completely changed. It really is incredible and I'd better stop waffling on before I bore you all senseless.

Must add that this is not something you should take if you're on ADs, pregnant or breastfeeding and it's not recommended for children. Otherwise, it's classified as a food supplement an has NO SIDE EFFECTS

Oh limey; hadn't considered the father rejection thing for a long time. No amount of extra neurotransmitter can compensate for that one. Know how you feel.

On the bright side -(serontonin speaking perhaps!) - at least you don't have to worry about hurting DH as you search for a suitable shag...

hi stuffed. Dunno, maybe a big hit of dopamine does compensate for father issues- but have to ask why I am seeking it in the worst place possible!?

am feeling weak tonight, depressed and obsessed- though not weak enough to do anything. Mummybb where do I find a bloke like your gem among turds (oh no he was married though wasn't he- v much best I dont go there again )

Limey, I don't think a big hit of dopamine would help you in anyway - probably quite the opposite since it would further raise your libido!

Dopamine is another neurotransmitter, but not the one I'm talking about, which is serotinin. If anything, this is the one you may very well be short of, particularly if you are obsessed and depressed.

For clarification look at www.snac.ucla.educ/pages/Resources/Handouts/HOSerotonin.pdf