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Original poster

Stingy restaurant behaviour has given me the ick

651 replies

HazelSchmazel · 04/08/2024 17:43

This afternoon, I went on a second date with a guy I met on Tinder. Wasn't too sure after the first date, but I thought I'd give him the benefit of the doubt.

We had a nice meal and the bill was in the region of £50. When it was time to pay, I placed £30 (cash) in the middle of the table on the basis of £25 for my share and a £5 tip (our shares of food and drink were pretty much 50/50). He then proffered my £30 to the waiter, together with his credit card and said 'put £20 on my card'. So the poor waiting staff get no tip and my £5 effectively goes into his pocket!!! Uuuurgh - instant ick!

I should have said something, but I just wanted to get the fuck away from the knuckle dragger asap! Plus I was temporarily deaf from the thunderclap of my fanny slamming shut.

Now snuggled up with my cat, a bar of chocolate and am planning a Netflix binge, together with a future life of celibacy. Bliss!

Anyone else with a story of financially induced ick?

OP posts:
NotSureWhatUsernameToChoose · 07/08/2024 15:16

Melonjuice · 07/08/2024 12:24

@NotSureWhatUsernameToChoose he assumed because she put the money on the table without mentioning a tip. Usually when people eat out together, they all discuss how much tip they are going to leave like normal people do
seeing as she did not mention a tip- not even once -then he assumed that the money was for the bill. Some people do put a little bit extra toward the bill- I do ! And if part of that is a tip, id always mention it, I don’t expect the other person to read my mind
her date may have not thought the service warranted a tip, or maybe he did not leave a tip because they paid service charge which is normally put on the bill anyway
Point is, if she didn’t say, then he wouldn’t know and I guarantee if she was to ask him he would say the same thing .
She’s assuming he is tight without even discussing it. all this for a fiver 😂

Edited
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In what world would someone just assume an extra £5 put down was towards THEIR meal??

Why on earth would someone just pay to knock a fiver off of food the other person has eaten, rather than think "oh she's left a tip"

In "Nutty World" that's is where.

her date may have not thought the service warranted a tip, or maybe he did not leave a tip because they paid service charge which is normally put on the bill anyway but at the very least he knew his food was not £20, but £25, so what possible excuse can you dredge up for him not paying FOR HIS OWN FOOD?

SamW98 · 07/08/2024 15:26

For everyone defending him as not knowing it was supposed to be a tip - rather than presume she was paying towards his share why would he not ask her if she needed a fiver change?

The fact his automatic responses seems to be ‘happy days she’s paying more than me’ says it all

Ablar · 07/08/2024 18:47

S0livagant · 04/08/2024 18:33

I see where you are coming from with not having an established relationship. My friends and family and I would often put in more without saying anything if we knew a friend was struggling with money but had still come out with us. Or if everyone paid cash to one person to put it on their credit card it would be fine that they ended up paying less. It wouldn't be assumed it was a tip.

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this is what we do. One of us will usually pay on our card and then the others transfer it over or give the cash to whoever has paid

Poddledoddle · 07/08/2024 18:53

S0livagant · 04/08/2024 17:53

I don't see it as awful to pay the agreed price for a service.

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It wasn't the agreed price. It was 50quid, of which he owed half. So he's paid less for his share.

Poddledoddle · 07/08/2024 18:55

CautionaryTaleGirl · 04/08/2024 17:57

An ex bf and I were in a farm shop buying ingredients for dinner.

He suddenly said 'who's paying for this?'

I paid because I'm not cheap.but broke up not long after.

He also used to make me drive places and I suspected it was just to save him petrol money.

He had plenty of money but wanted to spend it all on his hobbies - his MG, fishing equipment etc.

Bullet dodged.

I had a bf who invited me out to dinner, we met up in the park to walk into town and as soon as we'd kissed cheeks and linked arms he said "btw you're paying" it was 10 years ago and I still can't forget it.

Socksey · 07/08/2024 19:02

doodlejump1980 · 04/08/2024 17:49

Plus I was temporarily deaf from the thunderclap of my fanny slamming shut.

this is the best sentence I have ever read on mumsnet.

Totally

Nettie1964 · 07/08/2024 19:06

S0livagant · 04/08/2024 17:52

He wasn't to know she just didn't have £25 exactly on her so put in £30. Could've easily planned to buy her a drink next time or otherwise make it fair. It's just as normal not to tip.

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Where was you brung up? Everyone I know always tips unless eating in at McDonald's.

Poddledoddle · 07/08/2024 19:10

EI12 · 04/08/2024 19:21

Years back. Dating. As always, I was nervous and could not eat that much, but did not want him to feel a glutton, so ordered started, main, dessert but could never finish it. So he did finish it for me. Always went Dutch. A month passed and I got slightly relaxed to say 'I don't want a starter'. Still went Dutch with him having a starter, a main and a dessert, a wine and a brandy and me with a main only. I did not drink then. And then it came to a head when he started whining 'oh, I really want .... but it says 2 people only' when I said I did not want that dish. I lost it and said 'what the fuck is the problem with you ordering it - you earn a fortune, order it and pay for it and eat only one half'. He said 'but it would be such a waste and I don't like waste'. Going to restaurants is a wonderful and quick way to find out who people really are. I had a friend who I thought was a wonderful woman. Until we went to a cheep London pasta place. The moment we sat down and they brought olives, she quickly ate them all saying 'I know you don't like olives' when I never said I did not like them. Years later she refused to take her ailing mum to see her son (her brother) on a trip to Dubai until her brother agreed to pay for her as well (he initially wanted to pay for mum only as mum said she would be leaving her house in London and savings to this friend of mine as the Dubai brother was OK financially). Now I tell my dc, go to a restaurant with a prospective date - you will find out everything you need to know about them when the bill comes.

You sound incredibly aggressive and judgemental. Your date not wanting to waste food is not as bad as you swearing at him and perhaps your friend confused you with another person who genuinely does not like olives.

BeachParty · 07/08/2024 19:27

Poddledoddle · 07/08/2024 19:10

You sound incredibly aggressive and judgemental. Your date not wanting to waste food is not as bad as you swearing at him and perhaps your friend confused you with another person who genuinely does not like olives.

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Yeah, it's not the bloke coming across badly in that situation.
Instead of buying three courses you don't want just because you're conscious of what your date is or isn't eating, concentrate on what you actually want yourself?
I'm with him. Sounds incredibly wasteful.
Coupled with the aggressive sweary buy for two but leave half!
Yeah no.

Blogswife · 07/08/2024 19:27

You should have asked him if he was leaving the £10 tip in cash ? What an ignorant tight arse. No wonder you got the ick 🤮

ThatBluntCoralTiger · 07/08/2024 19:56

S0livagant · 04/08/2024 17:47

Are you in the UK? He might not have known you wanted to tip, it's not expected. He may have planned to buy you a drink on the next date to even it up.

Edited

I live in the UK and NOOO way would I think this way...😱

Roboticleg · 07/08/2024 20:18

I mean if he didnt want to leave a tip he should have paid his half then waited for her change (all things being equal) unless he over paid on first date and thought this was fair. He seems a dick.

HazelSchmazel · 07/08/2024 20:19

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tuvamoodyson · 07/08/2024 20:24

doodlejump1980 · 04/08/2024 17:49

Plus I was temporarily deaf from the thunderclap of my fanny slamming shut.

this is the best sentence I have ever read on mumsnet.

I’ve a feeling we’re now going to see a lot more of it…’no skin in the game’ seems to be worn done now.

HazelSchmazel · 07/08/2024 20:29

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AnotherNaCha · 07/08/2024 20:46

Slightly off-topic, if service has already been included, is it normal to not tip (at lunchtime)?

Swiftie1878 · 07/08/2024 20:56

AnotherNaCha · 07/08/2024 20:46

Slightly off-topic, if service has already been included, is it normal to not tip (at lunchtime)?

If service is included, you have tipped.

Daverl1980 · 07/08/2024 21:23

@HazelSchmazel
Agree with your latest posts and not just because I hate an olive 🫒 glutton

lizzyBennet08 · 07/08/2024 22:00

I'm just shocked that there are a couple of people on here trying to pretend that in restaurants , tipping is absolutely very much the norm. Not everyone does for their own reasons but trying to pretend that it's not the majority is nuts !

Poddledoddle · 07/08/2024 23:27

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Greatbritish · 08/08/2024 00:03

I'm not a tipper @lizzyBennet08 unless the service is above the expected.

On Monday, I ordered and collected drinks from a bar. When paying, I was asked if I'd be tipping. Er no!

The one that irks is when the bill arrives with an "optional" service charge on it. I have asked for it to be removed before.

I think we can agree though that
@HazelSchmazel s date didn't seem to be up for even paying for his own food!

BeachParty · 08/08/2024 00:47

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Why the personal attack and troll hunting? 🙄
Nothing wrong with a woman standing up for herself, so no idea what you're going on about and where you get that from 🙄 Biscuit

Beljin · 08/08/2024 01:47

Socksey · 07/08/2024 19:02

Totally

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Really?

Am I the only one who got the ick reading that sentence? It's basically stating that she won't have sex with her date because he didn't spend enough. That's just one step away from being a sugar babe.

NonsuchCastle · 08/08/2024 03:19

NotSureWhatUsernameToChoose · 07/08/2024 12:19

Why would you just assume that someone wants to pay £5 towards your meal??

You ate it, you pay for it.

Doesnt matter what someone else has put down

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Because not everyone is obsessed with money and making sure they have not been swindled. It's a fiver FFS.

NonsuchCastle · 08/08/2024 03:27

Poddledoddle · 07/08/2024 19:10

You sound incredibly aggressive and judgemental. Your date not wanting to waste food is not as bad as you swearing at him and perhaps your friend confused you with another person who genuinely does not like olives.

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I couldn't agree more.