Told to fuck off again

[Aurorausher]

I know it’s nothing like stuff ladies go through but partner just told me to fuck off and get out of his home office. He was putting as much venom as he could into it. It’s happened before and I hate it. I’ve gone out and texted him he’s never to do it again. We are supposed to be meeting friends later, what do I do? He’s not resided and not sure I can be jolly in front of mates

Was he on a call? Is he having stress at work? Has he told you to stay out before?

Whilst I wouldn't use that language, I don't want people coming in when I am on a work call..

If he was at work, you couldn’t keep rushing in. Leave him alone during working hours.

This is your second thread about him today. He is not covering himself in glory here is he what with his messy bathroom and all. He sounds like a recycled teenager.

I would seriously consider if you want to remain with him at all going forward because such men rarely if ever change. Hoping for him to change is a forlorn hope.

If he was on a work call would he use such language?? @MaxTalk

Totally unacceptable and it’s happened before

At the moment you are in the thick of it - he hasn’t responded and we don’t know if he has calmed down and can discuss
When it is quieter you need to ask him if he thinks his attitude to his wife / partner was appropriate? Don’t ask why because he will come up with all sorts of excuses and actually there is t an excuse in a living relationship to speak to you like this.

Not sure what you do re friends - if you brazen it out all smiles etc he will say it wasn’t that bad
That one is up to you and how you feel
at the moment t and what you know about how he will deal with this

Tou deserve better

I think I would do as he asked and off I would fuck. For good.

Please set your bar a little higher than the floor. My husband has never told me to fuck off. It’s unthinkable in a decent relationship.

Maybe they needed you to fuck off? Sometimes it is the appropriate language to use.

Why has he done it? Is he working? Is it your house or his? Either way cancel the friends - you need to talk!

Unless I said something extremely horrendous to provoke it, I would split up with someone over this.

it belies a level of disrespect that I couldn’t condone. I would never say that to someone I loved, particularly in this context.

Nope, don't go out with friends and pretend all is ok. He owes you a massive apology.

I'm assuming as the OP hates being spoken to like this she wasn't doing anything that would provoke this nasty reaction.

I wfh- I sometimes have to wave DH away or tell him 'not now' if he wants to have a word but I can't imagine anything that would justify me telling him venomously to fuck off.

Why don't you do likewise then?

We are supposed to be meeting friends later

Does he have form for sabotaging events where it will be notable that you are not happy?

They do something so that you will react. The thing they do is mostly invisible to others, but you're reaction is not because you'll more than likely still be upset and confused as to what warranted his outburst. He will be on great form, life and soul; whereas you will be miserable Aurorausher and look what poor him has to put up with.

What do you do? Grey rock him. Do not give him the reaction he wants. Outshine him at the gathering.

thanks! Not on work call - he’d like me to call someone im not comfortable with and my point was, discuss how we can approach it and you help me it rather than get cross. I then said , ‘you’re now getting cross-I’d like help not badgering. ‘ oops.

Not in my world it isn't.

No it isn't , not in a respectful relationship.

If you don’t leave the first time, the disrespect will just grow

Absolutely no! My dh has never spoken to me like that EVER, and I wouldn't do it to him either. Don't let anyone speak to you like that! Unless you are given the biggest grovelling and sincere apology, I'd be walking away. Who the hell does he think he is!

He sounds horrific. I absolutely would never stand for anyone speaking to me like this. So disrespectful on all levels. Kick him out immediately, so sorry this happened to you.

He sounds like a nasty twat.

Thank you so much.
I sent him a strong text as I didn’t want to speak to him and he was sheepish yesterday and today he’s been on his best. If it happens again, my promise to me is that I will be off. He’s done it a few times, it’s rare, and people get cross, but, well. And I do wonder if he thinks he can get away with it now. Good to know what you all think, thank you.

Don't break that promise to yourself.

Start investigating your options and have a definite plan in mind for the next time he does this.

No he should not have said this but thr idea that someone has to put up with being disturbed when working can be annoying

I know on here it is expected women can do whatever they want and behave how they want and men just have to put up with it is not right either?

How many times do we hear the full story of a situation and not a sanitised version told by one side?

Thanks for your misogynistic input. No need for “the full story” as telling anyone to fuck off is unacceptable. Sackable offence at work. Your idea that she may have deserved it is offensive. He can’t control his anger and lashed out. An adult that does this is not trustworthy or safe. End of story

Thanks Banotherchat
edingril I did say he wasn’t working at the time.
I also think if I had disturbed him while he was working, a simple, ‘sorry I’m busy’ or shut the door would be appropriate. Yes, I obviously said something to annoy him - I disagree with what he wants me to do. That’s why it’s better to discuss, not close drown and yell, surely.
thank you everyone, and attila for your constant support on relationships threads.