Partner moved himself in WITHOUT my say so

[Girlgamer]

So my partner moved himself in last night… he literally walked in with his bags packed and said he’s moving in. Made himself at home. I was shocked, because we’d not had the conversation yet about him moving in. He just invited himself in. He used to live at his parents. He’s moved into my own house/mortgaged and said he is happy to split the bills and pay his way. What do I do? Because I’m not sure I feel ready for him to move in, and I’m shocked that he’s just come on his own, saying it is a “surprise” for me…

Come on mate!!

Tell him to piss off back to his mum!

If you really think that you telling him that you aren’t ready to live together will cause him to dump you, you have dodged a bullet, and possibly a cocklodger in waiting.

Stand Firm! We are behind you!

I'm assuming he's been kicked out of home

You have children OP?

Bye bye! Off you go back to mummy and daddy!

Be prepared for the 'You are not committed to this relationship' conversation.
He has to go, and go now. It will become harder the longer it goes on.

Text to make yourself clear as crystal. because otherwise you will have to deal with poor me excuse A B C.. and it will be very difficult to say no.

His parents hgave obviously thrown him out. Make him go.

Ask yourself this OP - if roles were reversed, would you turn up at your boyfriend’s without invitation and move in?
No, for so many reasons.
This man, and it’s a compliment to call him that, has sensed a vulnerability in you and trampled all over you.
I read a similar thread on here recently. The couple did actually discuss the man moving in, he agreed to halve the bills, and once in paid nothing, did no housework and the poster couldn’t get him out.
Do you have any support nearby? Friends/family/neighbours who can be there for you.
The best thing that could happen apart from getting this man to leave is to end the relationship. It’s not one in the true sense of the word anyway.
This man has no self respect and none for you either.
So sorry this has happened to you OP.

Great big red flag. No caring respectful person behaves this way. He needs to leave tonight. It’s not your problem where he goes.

Be prepared for a steady stream of emotional blackmail attempts such as “It’s late now, I’ll stay until the weekend” and “If you loved me you would let me stay” and “We agreed this - don’t you remember?”

If he stays it will only get harder to get him out.

Oh, I dunno. I have an ex who thought that was going to be the outcome of him turning up at my door.

Long story short, he wasn't happy about my reaction. As if I'd be grateful that he had decided he was going to steal my home and ability to make my own decisions from me. A bit of amateur theatrics followed the 'Surprise!' and 'But I've got nowhere to go, I've ended my tenancy...I'll stay until I find somewhere...I'll just stay the week..Just tonight...I'll just sleep in my car outside...I'M HOMELESS' and he left the premises with some physical assistance very shortly after a staged (and clearly preplanned) fake suicide attempt.

You really need to call the Police, as this man is trying to steal your home and rights to your own life, decisions, money and bodily autonomy. They'll encourage to fuck off back to his mother's.

This is one of the most bizarre things I’ve read on here. Who does that?
Ask him to leave tonight, and if he kicks up a fuss, get a friend or family member to support you.
Dont be scared of the repercussions. If he says he wants to split because you’ve asked him to leave, then he’s definitely not the sort of person you want to be with.

He's a gold level cheeky fucker isn't he.

Nothing much shocks me anymore, but fuck me. The cheeky git!

🚩🚩🚩 Don’t hesitate. He’ll see that as a weakness and play on it. You just say you’re not ready to live together yet, better that he moves back to his parents now.
If he ends the relationship you know 100% you had a cocklodger.

More like mummy has told him it’s time to go , or she’s been really horrible and made him tidy his own room/ pay rent so he’s blessed you with his washing pile 😳

Pack his things, leave them by the door and say to him he is not welcome.

You’ll likely lose the relationship which sounds like no bad thing.

Do you want to stay in a relationship with a man who behaves like this??

Put his packed bags on the doorstep

When he gets back to your, YOUR, house, open the door and say

"I don't want to split up but you're not moving in, why don't you go home and have a think about it"

Take it from there.

Disastrous indication of how the relationship will be going forward if he thinks that this is in any way reasonable.

if it’s not him

then it will be someone like them

tell him to pack up those bags again turn around and head out of the door. its your house and you decide together when you want to change that!

Sorry, but what sort of person just decides to do this?! Huge red flag!

I would pack his bags and put them by the front door. Text him now and say ‘we need to have a difficult conversation when you have finished work’ so he is prepared

Tell him you hadn’t discussed him moving in, you are not wanting him to move in, and if you do decide you want someone to live with you, it’ll be you asking them not them ‘surprising’ you

Pack his bags! Dump him. Zero respect for you. Massive red flag.

Imagine his parents have chucked him out!

He’s currently at work so I have time to think about what I’ll say to him when he’s back.

I’d have his stuff packed and waiting by the door when he gets back. I also wouldn’t worry about him ending the relationship, this level of CFery is astounding, and it would be better to be alone than with someone who has no consideration for your boundaries, your feelings or your home.
I bet within months he stops contributing at all.
How long have you been together?