Partner moved himself in WITHOUT my say so

[Girlgamer]

So my partner moved himself in last night… he literally walked in with his bags packed and said he’s moving in. Made himself at home. I was shocked, because we’d not had the conversation yet about him moving in. He just invited himself in. He used to live at his parents. He’s moved into my own house/mortgaged and said he is happy to split the bills and pay his way. What do I do? Because I’m not sure I feel ready for him to move in, and I’m shocked that he’s just come on his own, saying it is a “surprise” for me…

I hope there's a positive update to this one. Keep your backbone strong op.

He is one boundary trampling piece of work

I agree with previous posters that leaving his stuff with OP is a kind of insurance policy.
The only 'good' thing I can see about this man is that he is very belligerent; unable to back down or apologize which means he doesn't think things through or make good decisions and is therefore easy to out maneuver.
Even if he's extremely good in bed he's probably too much of a liability & not worth retaining in any way.

Did he really say he wanted to surprise you? I can only imagine the look on your face. 🤣

In your shoes I would drop all his stuff off to his parents house, take a pic of it on the doorstep and ring the doorbell.
Send him the pic and say that you trust he found his way home safely last night and you've returned his stuff.
I wouldn't mention the key. It will just encourage him to come around to return it to you. I would protect myself and get the locks changed.

Then I would wait and see. Either he will wise up and realise he significantly overstepped and never do it again, but to be honest I think he will try and push you again and again as no one normal would have done what he has done so he clearly thinks this is an acceptable way to behave and will just try to find a new way to manipulate you. Probably by becoming the best boyfriend ever and then suggesting you find a place together so you can "share" costs and he can't be booted out

He's probably gone away to make a copy of the spare key, I'd change your locks just in case. x

My best friend had this happen to her. She didn’t nip it the bud and let him walk all over her. It was a nightmare. Draw that boundary now!!!!

He's probably expecting you to panic so you beg him to come back
Put his stuff outside if he's likely to need it today or send it in a taxi
Change locks asap, until then put your key in the door inside

Yes, please do change your locks.

You are well rid of this loser. He didn't even have the courtesy to try and dress it up as wanting a proper relationship!

not sure she is yet, we need an update!!!!

I'd put all his stuff out the front. Text him to tell him it's there. Ask him to put the key back through the letterbox and change the locks. Absolute piece of work he is!

This is classic abuser behaviour. Fortunately, you've had a chance to see the person behind the mask as a result of his arrogance.

The failure to turn up last night was to postpone the ending of the relationship to give you a chance to consider what you're throwing away (in his eyes). Likely more pleading will follow but he will undoubtedly turn nasty at some stage and may well vascillate between the two.

Do you know where his parents live? If so, I would drop his stuff off so that he has no excuse to come round. I'd also change the locks without waiting for the key to be returned. I'd also send a clear message saying that it's definitely over and that you do not want to hear from him again (short, polite and to the point) as it may help if he's the type that starts harassing you and you need to go to the police.

Sorry you're going through this. Even if he's an abusive arse and you know you're better off without him it will still hurt. 💐

OP please let us know if you are ok

all the posters who have given so much time to this

It’s either made up
or
of true… then the OP unfortunately is very very vulnerable to this type of person and will simply move on to the next one who will take the pee

Just popped back and seen the latest posts. I don't know why OP wouldn't be okay. Reading her four posts, she seems fine and like it's sorted. She was going to drop his stuff at his parents and change the locks. It doesn't sound like anything alarming or like she needs to update. People giving so much time to it is their own look-out, doesn't make it made-up or a big cause for concern if true.

I've just realised as well as excusing a cocklodger you also make excuses for a paedophile on a separate thread. Try raising your bar above the gutter.

I’m pretty bloody ancient as well and a man unilaterally deciding he’s going to move in to his partners house without any discussion is so far over the live of acceptable that anything other than kicking the twat back where he came from is not ‘exercising their ego’ it’s absolutely the common sense appropriate way to deal with the rude entitled CF potential cocklodger

Say something if you don't want this to happen

Not that it makes the situation any better but out of curiosity how long have you been dating? Sounds like a right price of work…. Or he’s rowed with his mam over what she’s made him for tea so he’s “run away”…

😲😲😲

I’ve heard of some brazen cocklodgers on here but I think you just won the (dubious) prize! Do NOT miss that guy - zero boundaries, zero shame and then an ultimatum? Not the man you thought he was, clearly. Hope he picked up his stuff today or it would be out on the street for me!

Red flag

What's the bet his parents have kicked him out because they've had enough of him freeloading? Either way, it's not OPs problem. He needs to go.

That's exactly what I'm thinking 😆

Either he wants to be with you, or he just wants a new Mum to supply bed and board. When he gets in touch you just need to tell him calmly how you feel - that you are happy to continue dating but you aren’t ready to live together. If he loves and respects you he’ll be disappointed but he’ll accept that. If he doesn’t and continues to throw tantrums and ultimatums then get rid. Just a thought, does he get on ok with his Mum or do they row? Maybe this situation was brought about by a row with his Mum and really doesn’t have anything to do with you at all? Anyway, change the lock, and if he’s sulking maybe give his Mum a ring and explain the situation. Hopefully she’ll pick up his stuff!