Should I sent the paragraph to him?

[serenabar]

I wrote a message on my notes for my ex. I wanna send it but at the same time im scared too.. this is the message:
im scared he will leave me on delivered, or that he will tell me he is with someone else now.. but at the same time i wanted him to know this..

You probably won’t open this, just like you didn’t open the yesterday one. But I am gonna say it anyway.. I never expected that we would disappear from each other’s worlds. I never expected you would be okay with that. I never expected you would not care what I have to say to you, I never expected you would ignore me like that.
But they say men are quite simple.. “the way a man treats you is exactly how he feels about you. If he wants to talk to you, he will reach out. If he wants to see you, he will make plans with you. And if he acts like he doesn't care, then he doesn't care.”
Yes, looks like you stopped caring. I was there when you needed me, I answered all your questions and when I mentioned I was hurt too - you disappeared. Yes, you showed me once again my feelings are not valid. I am just someone from now another universe for you. You seem like you are doing just fine, like you are forgetting all about me. I wish it was that easy for me too. But then again.. this new you is not the man I fall inlove with. He would never do anything like that, he wouldn’t just delete me from his life. And that man is gone. He no longer exists and I gotta acept that. Its a new you that I don’t recognize, I just don’t know him. It hurts now but the sun will rise again.
No one can take away the person who you were when we were in love.
Not even you. That person can stay in my heart for as long as I decide.
I think he loved me.
Even when you hurt me multiple times, I still didn’t leave. I won the I love you more.
You put me in enough breakups for a lifetime. And I still wouldn’t walk away from you. Cause not for once I looked at another guy, not for once I accepted any follow request. Cause for me that will be offensive thing for my man. I’m pure and I’m loyal. When I love - I love hard. And i know cause when you want something badly you just don’t give up. Everything can be sorted. Absolutely everything. Of course if it’s wanted.
I guess I got my closure too.
No one is going to want something and let it slip away. That's not how the human heart works.

He won’t forget you OP.
Let him go. If he is going to realise you are the one, he has to think you are gone from his life. He has to do the work to get you back.

No contact has the added bonus of you being able to see things more clearly. And you might find you move on faster than you expect.

Buy yourself a fancy notebook tomorrow. Each time you have the urge to tell him something, and realise you can’t, write it in the book. ‘Today I saw a T shirt in your favourite colour and for a minute I was sad and then I realised I didn’t have to buy it for you, and spent the money on myself instead’.

Tomorrow, get some weekend plans booked with friends. And do something/visit a place you always wanted to soon, either with friends or on your own.

Set yourself challenges - by the end of August you will have: 1) been to at least one art gallery and bought a postcard in the shop and posted it to a friend 2) had an afternoon tea somewhere posh 3) been to see at least one band 4) had a pedicure 4) enrolled on a language course. Or things that you would actually enjoy!

OP it sounds like you've done the right thing by not sending the paragraph. I have been where you are. I was 22 when my 3 year relationship ended. My first big serious relationship at that. So many texts, calls and generally making a big show of trying to keep in touch. It made everything that much harder really but I do understand.

You asked what to do when you miss him. Me and my closest friend used to be each others relationship bandaid through breakups. We would send all those messages, calls, worries etc to each other. We'd change the ex's number in our phone to my number or hers and that way we had no risk of accidentally sending anything to the ex. That helped me and her through so many awful breakups throughout our twenties and early thirties. If you have a friend or sister you feel close enough to maybe you could try that.
You have your whole life to find your happiness. This is a learning curve in your young life. So take it day by day and learn as you go along. Very big cuddle to you OP. It is not a nice stage to be at but this bit isn't forever

I wouldn't give the OP false hope that NC will make him realise.
It won't

NC is for her to move on and not for him to realise.

Good grief no don't send that. It's so cringey. Just write it down and burn it.

Ignore the posters saying you're unhinged, they feel sorry for you, your bordering harassment and being cruel!

Your heart broken and i get it, but don't send it and i hope you haven't. You need to start focusing on self love. Go out with friends, focus on something you love doing like reading, swimming etc see family and surround yourself with people who love you! Go get your nails done, your hair done, have a cocktail with a friend or go for some lunch. You will start to feel better and keeping yourself busy helps. I was told time is a healer and I tell you what it's soo true! Time will heal and you will look back and be like 'pah fuck that prick! You know deep down you deserve better and you will find it. Chin up! You've got this 👌🏻💪🏻

I am gonna say it anyway..
Definitely don’t use the word’ gonna

How was your dance party OP?
how are you feeling now?

Good god don't send that!

I went on a walk with my mom but I was so moody, I wanted to be home so I can cry. I miss him a lot and he is all I can think about.. 😞 I hate feeling like this. And I have no appetite. 😞 and my sleep is very bad. 😞

Well.done for getting out and about with your mum. I promise you this feeling doesn't last. It takes time but it's not a permanent feature. I promise.

What have you got planned for today? Anything exciting?

Tonight we will have dinner out for my sister’s birthday and now I am about to start a book called “Girl, wash your face”. On Saturday I will be traveling to my favorite place but I was supposed to be there with him so that’s a bit upsetting.
I still haven’t gotten the book suggestions but I saw where they are available and I will soon!

I know how you feel OP I almost walked out of work 3 weeks ago as I just couldn’t stand the pain.. think of it like having the flu, you will feel dreadful for a bit and then each day you will get better, it will hurt less this bit is horrible but it will pass.

I just feel like if he texted me it will make me feel better. And I know it will delay all the healing but not hearing from him hurts also. 😞

Yep it would, I feel that too instantly everything would be alright in my world again.. but you need to get through this withdrawal stage. It doesn’t sound like he was very nice to you anyway and you’re so young. Try and accept this period of hurt now so you don’t waste any more of your life on someone who’s not worth your time.

Oooh hope you enjoy your sisters birthday, it'll be nice to spend time with family.

Honestly one day you'll look back on this time and think what did I ever see in him? Believe me it will happen. I've had my heart broken a few times when I was last teens/early 20s. You feel like it'll never go away and one day you wake up and bam! You haven't given him a second thought. It'll come.

It is for both.

If someone has been kicking you for a long time it might feel like an absence when they stop kicking

and then you almost want to be kicked again to feel ‘seen’ or like you exist

first step always to get away from whoever is doing the kicking

next step is to stay away from the kicker while you heal up

final step is don’t forget who kicked you so you don’t let them get within kicking distance again

somewhere in that process it’ll stop hurting

and you’ll find other ways to be seen and feel ‘real’

and you will find out that life will still have it’s ups & downs

but at least no fucker is kicking you

💐

I had time today where I found myself joking and laughing but then it hit me again. I very much wanted to text something but I haven’t. I even wanted to tell him to block me cause I couldn’t do that. Eh. 😐 I just wanna enjoy my life again without the awful pain.

Don’t tell him to block you op. Gives an impression of pain and desperation. He doesn’t deserve to know how you are feeling. delete his number. What’s the need for it now? He will contact you if he wants to but deep down you know not to contact him. If it’s too hard right now write it down and give it to someone you trust but get it off your phone.

Come on Op ! You got this ! Stay classy.

don’t contact, retrain your brain, every time you start thinking of him, think of ice cream instead.

He lost his chance with you. Rebuild yourself strong and fit. Get exercises. Skipping, yoga, weights.

Hahaha good one! I will be thinking of ice cream 🤭❤️

Hi all! I decided to delete my whatsapp chat with him so I am no longer tempted to check his last seen.. But I have these settings that only my contacts can see my last seen and my picture so if I delete the chat and keep the contact, will he see those and will the chat still be there for him?

I had a nightmare tonight with him in.. I had some family gathering and he was also there and he needed my help about something and I was helping him but he was so moody and he was angry with me and yelling and then somehow it was a wedding and then it was actually me getting married and then I told my mom that he is gone and he left me.

He should still see the chat.
And your last seen.

Personally I have ‘last seen’ switched off for everyone. I don’t care when other people last saw and I don’t like the idea of people knowing if I have chosen not to reply straight away.

In general I recommend maximum privacy settings on all apps etc for better mental health. Stops you obsessing and protects you from obsessive people.

One day at a time OP. You will be ok. Let him miss you. That way you find out how he feels.

💐

Thank you so much! ❤️ I think I am gonna manifest a lot of ice cream now with those thoughts. 🤭

Honestly don't turn to food / ice cream.

Do something productive - gym etc. Healthy body healthy mind.