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Original poster

Struggling with dscs behaviour on holiday, please help!

151 replies

DoesthislookgoodOnMe · 27/07/2024 05:47

Hi Lovlies,
I need some advice on how to address the current situation with Dp about dsc. As background he has them eow, one overnight stay in addition a week plus will see them as much as possible / have the more in holidays. Children are 8 and 10 and we are on day 2 of holidays in very hot country. We have family room which has 2 seperate bedrooms and bathrooms as well as a living room. In theory it should all be great but it’s not.

A few things that happened :

  • children would not settle in one place for more than and hour so we had to keep moving our stuff as it’s a big resort, dp and myself ended up tired and grumpy..

After a lovely dinner there was a summer party with music, entertainment and lots of inflatables and games for kids. Myself and Dp having good time but after 15 mins kids wanted to go to the park which had no lighting and would be there of course for whole holiday. Dp gave in so that was the summer party done for us although everyone else with kids having a blast!

On way to took which was quite early there was so live music which Dp thought I’d like so he bribed kids with fizzy drink each and our phones so we could just have 20 mins peace.

We got back to our rooms, got ready for bed and said goodnight. We shit out door and we’re looking at photos of day together. 15 mins after we put them to bed they opened our door, no knocking, it freaked me out as if we were having sex they would have Walker right in.

I need to speak to him as yesterday was hell. Am I being unreasonable in saying I need to speak to do and say we need to establish rules with kids. I feel like such an old bag in a way as my kids are 13 and 19 and currently on a long trip abrouf with their dad. I never had these issues with them and I was a fun mum with them.
( forgot to mention the dsc ran off a few times yesterday as well). I want Dp to have a good time but yesterday was exhausting for me ( I’m late 40s and he’s early ) I don’t know whether it’s just me and I’m past this stage of parenting. Please help me broach this with do x

We arrive

OP posts:
Original poster
DoesthislookgoodOnMe · 27/07/2024 05:48

Sorry I’m not wearing glasses but I meant shut our door and not shit it lol!

OP posts:
MumChp · 27/07/2024 05:51

8 and 10 yo.
Of course you can say yes/no but if they aren't your children you need your partner to lead the way.

Tbh most holidays are like that if you haven't set the rules from home and stick to it together.

Yousaidwhatagain · 27/07/2024 05:53

Yanbu, but I would not have went away with them if my own kids were not going. I mean I would have only done a holiday/ paid towards a holiday that my own kids were on and not someone else's. Anyway you need to speak to him or tell them yourself because at their ages they are well old enough to behave. I have an 8yo who would not do this.

sparkles79 · 27/07/2024 05:56

Lay down ground rules now with your dp and the kids- make a plan each day, what times you play in the pool, what time you go to the park, what time you watch entertainment etc. decide at the start of each day, everyone agrees, then when they start asking to go to the park during entertainment you can say don't forget you agreed to this. If you go to the park now, that's no park tomorrow. Bride them with ice cream! Anything for a quiet life.

As for knocking on the door, they should be doing this anyway at home. But maybe they feel unsettled in a new place, I know my dc would have been, and are looking for reassurance.

Hope you enjoy your holiday!

Octavia64 · 27/07/2024 05:56

It's certainly worth setting up rules
Like bedrooms are private places you need to knock before you come in.

Sounds like you have a bit of a different interests problem - you like music and parties and they don't. At 8 and 10 they are old enough to stick to rules (like knocking) but if they don't like what you like they probably won't put up with it for long before getting bored and antsy.

Original poster
DoesthislookgoodOnMe · 27/07/2024 06:01

@Yousaidwhatagain as background am going abroad with my kids and parents next month. It didn’t work out with other dates as my ex h could only take ours away now. This is third time I’ve done this as I help dp alot with them on holiday and didn’t want him going alone. Just feel a bit deflated and needed a moan x

OP posts:
Original poster
DoesthislookgoodOnMe · 27/07/2024 06:02

@Octavia64 thing is they usually love parties and music so yesterday was madness.

OP posts:
BuggeryBumFlaps · 27/07/2024 06:19

It's day two so they are probably still a bit tired and giddy so hopefully they will settle down a bit today.

Definitely put ground rules in place, but equally bribe them with drinks and/ice cream if needed

Original poster
DoesthislookgoodOnMe · 27/07/2024 06:20

Thank you @sparkles79 some good ideas esp the rules around the park ect. Waiting for everyone to wake up as went and got our beds ect and wrote my post while out x

OP posts:
Nobodywouldknow · 27/07/2024 06:33

Hmm I can’t see anything major here - I was expecting you to say they were swearing and throwing things. I accept that on a holiday with DSCs it’s not going to be particularly relaxing and just adapt my expectations. It sounds like your DP is the problem here anyway - why did he agree to move around every hour? Just tell them these are your loungers for the day and if they want to go to a different pool, can’t DH go with them and you can stay and chill/watch the loungers?
I also probably wouldn’t have sex in a small apartment where my DSC were in the next room so wouldn’t bother me hugely about the not knocking but again that’s for your DH to enforce. Same with the party/park although if DSC were bored I wouldn’t be fussed about staying at a party but that’s because I generally don’t like parties much.
But overall doesn’t sound like the kids are the issue and just that DH isn’t good at saying no.

Dibbydoos · 27/07/2024 06:34

I'd speak to them about the day before, what did they feel was good, what didnt go so well?) Everyone says their piece. Then say what are we all gping to do differently?

make sure letting everyone enjoy the holiday, knocking on doors and goimg to sleep so we can be ready for fun the following day.

Have an itinerary that they contribute to.

Get their buy in, then you can point out when theyre not doing what they ssid theyd do.

This isnt a negotiation as such its giving them a say and then holding everyone to account.

Hope you have better days to come x

HaveYouSeenRain · 27/07/2024 06:37

Nobodywouldknow · 27/07/2024 06:33

Hmm I can’t see anything major here - I was expecting you to say they were swearing and throwing things. I accept that on a holiday with DSCs it’s not going to be particularly relaxing and just adapt my expectations. It sounds like your DP is the problem here anyway - why did he agree to move around every hour? Just tell them these are your loungers for the day and if they want to go to a different pool, can’t DH go with them and you can stay and chill/watch the loungers?
I also probably wouldn’t have sex in a small apartment where my DSC were in the next room so wouldn’t bother me hugely about the not knocking but again that’s for your DH to enforce. Same with the party/park although if DSC were bored I wouldn’t be fussed about staying at a party but that’s because I generally don’t like parties much.
But overall doesn’t sound like the kids are the issue and just that DH isn’t good at saying no.

Agree with this. Don’t move around all the time. so they didn’t like the entertainment- no big deal, it’s not compulsory maybe they were tired. Forgetting to knock once? Also no biggie just ask DP to remind them. Sounds like normal kids to me, you adults need to structure the day and not let them decide every hour.

HaveYouSeenRain · 27/07/2024 06:40

DoesthislookgoodOnMe · 27/07/2024 06:20

Thank you @sparkles79 some good ideas esp the rules around the park ect. Waiting for everyone to wake up as went and got our beds ect and wrote my post while out x

You went and reserved loungers before breakfast 🤦🏻‍♀️ ?

why just why do people do this? So selfish. On my last holidays I could not find a space arounf the kids pool w two small children. 80% of beds had only towels on them and people didn’t show for hours. So I can’t have a lounger in the shade w a toddler because your towel needs to chill by the pool 😂🙄

MiddleParking · 27/07/2024 06:47

It doesn’t really sound to me like they’re misbehaving. It’s more that taking kids on holiday isn’t really that fun, and usually centres on them and what they want to do - there’s value in that if they’re yours, but probably just really annoying if they belong to your younger partner who doesn’t want the same things from you in a holiday. The knocking thing - I think the onus would always be on parents to make sure the kids were asleep or confirmed to be elsewhere before having sex, especially in a family suite on holiday. In future I wouldn’t holiday with them tbh!

Original poster
DoesthislookgoodOnMe · 27/07/2024 06:48

@Nobodywouldknow they are down the corridor as there is a bathroom in between, it’s a big apoartment style room in the hotel, People would never have sex if it was a case of not , as kids in next room as surely this is the case in most people’s homes? I don’t think this is the issue here, it’s the lack of boundaries that need to be addressed. I will be putting some structure on the day with everyone’s input of what everyone would like to do. I think tbh I thought my days were done when my kids grew up and I will try have a bit more patient.

OP posts:
Original poster
DoesthislookgoodOnMe · 27/07/2024 06:56

@HaveYouSeenRain I don’t usually lol this is a first in order to be in a place where we can see the dsc well without too much moving around today! Appreciate your position as this was us yesterday!

OP posts:
turkeymuffin · 27/07/2024 06:56

Is this the first time you have been away with them? Your OP suggests not but is something different this time?

I think you need to make a plan where you have activities for half a day and then you get half a day to do your own thing. At 8&10 they can wander off together for a bit as well to the park or to get an ice cream? Presume they can both read so you can have an hour on sunloungers with everyone doing that.
Just set expectations and follow through- calm & cooperation

Original poster
DoesthislookgoodOnMe · 27/07/2024 07:01

@turkeymuffin no I’ve been away with them 2 times before. I don’t know if it was just the tiredness for all of us but want it to be a good holiday all round. I want them to enjoy it but equally for myself and dp to equally enjoy and relax for at least an hour. Good tips. My kids would read by pool and sea and still do but this is something dsc are only slowly getting into and lasts 5 mins :(. All kids are different, I know that, so let’s see what happens today.

OP posts:
autienotnaughty · 27/07/2024 07:03

The moving around if fairly normal kids get excited and want to do everything. Obviously you can say no or set up a base and one of you take them to the park for a bit. We tend to leave our stuff say at the pool and just take purse.

Knocking on bedroom door. Definitely.

MaxTalk · 27/07/2024 07:06

That's kids. Holidays and life is about them, not you...

WhatNext01 · 27/07/2024 07:14

I agree it doesn’t seem anything major. So they wanted to go to the park when the entertainment was on? So your dp says yes or no. That’s all. Or could you have gone to the park then back to the entertainment?

I think it’s very unrealistic to expect children of that age to read a book on a sun lounger. I know my dc would never have done that!

I remember someone saying to me when I was going on holiday, Oh that’s nice, you can sit on the edge of the pool reading a book while the dc play. What?! Not likely. I couldn’t read a single page. My dc needed too much supervision and interaction.

Could they go to a holiday club or activity for their age group?

It does sound like it’s just a typical holiday with kids.

arethereanyleftatall · 27/07/2024 07:22

Is this really what you want from your life op? I'm late forties, my kids are older too, so the last thing I'd want to do is go on holiday with someone else's 8 year old. My boundaries here would be clear, I would be holidaying elsewhere.

Goinggreymammy · 27/07/2024 07:31

All kids are different. Saying everyone else enjoyed the party so your dsc should have too ... I expect those families with children who didn't like it were somewhere else.... like the park. You seem to have forgotten what the first few days on holiday with smaller chikdren are like. It takes a while for lots of kids to settle into a routine. Maybe yours were not like this, that's great, but I can't see anything major in your OP. I don't understand the paragraph about the phones and fizzy drinks. It's their summer holiday, lots of families allow children to have extra treats on holiday, it's their fathers decision to make, not yours.
And not going straight to sleep, coming out of their room 15 mins after bedtime on day one.... very normal I would have thought. Knocking would be good, and Yes, people obviously have sex with children in next room but usually would want until the chikdren are asleep, or well settled anyway.
I think you have different expectations from this holiday and need to organise some time to yourself to chill while your DP has the kids. Alone time for both together is tricky on holiday IME, but if your DP has his children EOW then surely you get alone time when you are ar home?

rwalker · 27/07/2024 07:35

Just sounds like normal over excited kids

Tbh I’ve always found the first few days of holidays hard work

GKD · 27/07/2024 07:57

DoesthislookgoodOnMe · 27/07/2024 06:48

@Nobodywouldknow they are down the corridor as there is a bathroom in between, it’s a big apoartment style room in the hotel, People would never have sex if it was a case of not , as kids in next room as surely this is the case in most people’s homes? I don’t think this is the issue here, it’s the lack of boundaries that need to be addressed. I will be putting some structure on the day with everyone’s input of what everyone would like to do. I think tbh I thought my days were done when my kids grew up and I will try have a bit more patient.

I assume they have only just finished school? Then whisked to dad for extended stay with immediate holiday? They are probably just excited/bouncing and need to be helped (by dad, unless you want to) into focusing.

They are children, they aren’t thinking about your sex life
or need for boundaries, they need to be taught/shown.

what normally happens when you are at home with them? Would they knock?

Generally your DH sounds a bit ineffectual, he needed to state ‘sweeties, please knock the door when you want to come in’ and do the same when entering their room (even if door is open).

They 1 hr activities would have pissed me off so I (the parent, not necessarily you) would have controlled it and given them expectations.

‘what do you want to do today? We can do x,y,z for x long’, a,b,c tomorrow.

‘no to playground, we are watching the show it’s over in x if you are bored’.

I hope the rest goes calmer.

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