Struggling with dscs behaviour on holiday, please help!

[DoesthislookgoodOnMe]

Hi Lovlies,
I need some advice on how to address the current situation with Dp about dsc. As background he has them eow, one overnight stay in addition a week plus will see them as much as possible / have the more in holidays. Children are 8 and 10 and we are on day 2 of holidays in very hot country. We have family room which has 2 seperate bedrooms and bathrooms as well as a living room. In theory it should all be great but it’s not.

A few things that happened :

• children would not settle in one place for more than and hour so we had to keep moving our stuff as it’s a big resort, dp and myself ended up tired and grumpy..

After a lovely dinner there was a summer party with music, entertainment and lots of inflatables and games for kids. Myself and Dp having good time but after 15 mins kids wanted to go to the park which had no lighting and would be there of course for whole holiday. Dp gave in so that was the summer party done for us although everyone else with kids having a blast!

On way to took which was quite early there was so live music which Dp thought I’d like so he bribed kids with fizzy drink each and our phones so we could just have 20 mins peace.

We got back to our rooms, got ready for bed and said goodnight. We shit out door and we’re looking at photos of day together. 15 mins after we put them to bed they opened our door, no knocking, it freaked me out as if we were having sex they would have Walker right in.

I need to speak to him as yesterday was hell. Am I being unreasonable in saying I need to speak to do and say we need to establish rules with kids. I feel like such an old bag in a way as my kids are 13 and 19 and currently on a long trip abrouf with their dad. I never had these issues with them and I was a fun mum with them.
( forgot to mention the dsc ran off a few times yesterday as well). I want Dp to have a good time but yesterday was exhausting for me ( I’m late 40s and he’s early ) I don’t know whether it’s just me and I’m past this stage of parenting. Please help me broach this with do x

We arrive

OP what do you mean when you say the DSC ran off a few times ?
They ran off out of sight for a few seconds while you were at the beach/pool/park/, - and then happily came back again of their own accord? Or
They actually ran away and you had to go and look for them and physically bring them back to the hotel room ?

It seems you are all struggling because you don’t know the children and their behaviours very well. Or are they playing up a bit because they don’t know you and your expectations for behaviour very well.
Also maybe you and DH have different expectations or levels of safeguarding and that increases anxiety all round. If so, it’s up to you two to have that sorted.

Now you have had a day to experience all the jangly uncomfortable issues, you could agree a few reminders for the children and tell them over breakfast Eg….

Always stay in our sight. Never wander off on your own. Absolutely no running off or there will be consequences.
We will knock on your bedroom door before entering and you knock on ours.

The plan for the day today is pool, lunch at the beach bar, outing, reading for an hour before getting ready for dinner at the marina (or whatever)
We will discuss the plans for each day the night before, so think about what you fancy doing, ready to listen to others and properly.
We all have to give and take to make a nice holiday so be prepared to do that.

@LAMPS1 i mean that we told the dc it was nearly time for the room in 15 mins so agreed on this. When it was time to go the younger dc wanted 3 more turns on waterside which we said yes to. When it was over we started to pack away and turned our bs is briefly then saw the you!get dc dart off in the direction of another play area. We called and I went after them and took me ten mins to find them.

@GKD yes my dp has been pretty ineffective so this morning I said we need to set boundaries with kids in terms of planning the day / managinge i pop expectations. He first said “what do you mean” so I elaborated. He spoke to kids this morning about importance of “good listening “ and also knowing where they instead of them running off

Well am actually done. Fuming with dp. Kids were fighting with each other im pool and I told them to stop as theyr was a 3 year old girl getting severely splashed. Hr told me not to get splashed in her face so I said he has to de ice as it’s me every holiday getto
g kids ready in morning and sorting them out after the showers ect. I said I’m either involved or not he can’t pick and chose. And today was going great tbh. I’ve been in pool and jacuzzi with kids and planned day. I just want to go home tbh.

Sunglasses and not glssses on! I meant it’s be getting kids ready putting their lotion on ect. Everything’s I do for my kids I’ve done!

For now op, I'd go out for the day on your own. You're not getting a holiday here.

Leave your DP to handle the kids on his own while you go off and do your own thing.

Tell him you are no longer his default childcare option.

Enjoy your holiday.

I’m in the room and have my glasses on! Basically I asked them to stop splashing as they were getting a three year old girl in the face and she was backed into a corner :( I didn’t tell them off just asked them to stop.

it’s the third time I’ve been on holiday as we’ve gone the last 3 summers but feel very taken for granted.

gone to get their inflatable and googled but I’m grabbing my book and leaving them all to it.

made me smile today.
Not everyday someone admits to shitting outside 🤣

Hahahaha 😅😅😅

Did DP go on holiday with the kids before he was with you? It sounds to me like he wants you to deal with all the 'motherly stuff' and he gets to be the fun dad. Sod that, they aren't your kids. Grab your book and if they want to move on get their dad to take them and you relax, make him parent his children. Same again for the evening, if they want to go to the park and you don't say, see you later unless you actually want to go.

If your DP had the power to immediately make his children behave in exactly the way you’d like he’d be a very rich man. Sometimes kids don’t like the kids prescribed things they are supposed to be into just because they’re kids. The onus is on you to make sure the children are asleep before having sex, it is not on them to stay away when they want to see their parent in the night.

Holidays with kids are hard work. You find the relaxation and enjoyment where you can. The holiday is for the children too and they won’t be this age or this needy forever. Lower your expectations, be a supportive partner, get on with it and look forward to child free holidays in future.

@TinyYellow not sure if you are reading my updates but I’ve said I’m doing all the motherly duties and I’ve come on a holiday I shouldn’t have splurged on but did as wanted it to be easy for do and for him to be happy. Not sure how that comes across as unsupportive? The door swings both ways. The defo won’t be any sex this holiday as I’m way too pissed off.

I know! Was never ok cards from me, was dating for fun then met dp who was dating for a serious relationship.
he knows I am pissed off as he asked why I was gone so long and asked me to get in pool with them, he’s being super thoughtful now but I’m just so fed up. I won’t be coming next year even though we’ve already planned it.

I bet he bloody was!

I know you’re coming from a good place and you treat them as you would your own children.
But you need to stop. Be the fun aunt, but don’t worry about sunscreen, brushing teeth, what they eat, what they do, that’s their dad’s job.

I say this as someone who took on a DP with a 2 yo, after a few years they moved in with me, and very quickly it became apparent it’s unsustainable. So now DP has his kid eow/d and I don’t see them at all. Without me he hasn’t thought to book a holiday for them two in 6 years, last week he had her for the week and they didn’t leave the house more than a handful of times. It’s not my problem.

Aren’t you doing way too much for your DP?

"Get in the pool with us."
"No thanks. I'm off to read my book with a nice cocktail. Enjoy your day with the kids. Bye."

@MaxTalk

well, that’s not true is it….holidays and life are about EVERYONE! Not just kids 😀

Please start enjoying your holiday and stop doing his bloody parenting for him! Come on OP what are you playing at? Make this the last time. If he's a fully functioning adult he can manage his children and if he's not then why on earth are you with him?
When a woman takes over a mans responsibilities to show said man how amazing she is it never ends well. It becomes expected and when the woman finally wakes up, realises she's with a dud and starts to step back, she's called all kinds of evil.
Just stop doing his job for him, get a cocktail and sit by the pool and ENJOY.

So he knows but was happy to let you do all the hard work.
And he only started to be more careful/involved/thoughtful when he saw you weren’t accepting it.

THAT would be a major issue with me.

And yes I agree.
Let him deal with the dc’s running around wo letting you know.
Let him look for them fur 15mins in the dark - whilst looking after the others too!
Let him deal with them being brats and inconsiderate to other children.

Step back. Enjoy your book. Get involved if and when it feels right for you.
Youre not their nanny!

And btw your DP is taking you for granted.
That would give me ick straight away.

They don't sound like they are misbehaving. They are young kids on holiday, it's to be expected! They really tire you out.

I'd only make sure that they know to knock before entering your room in future. Or you could just lock it before you have sex.

Just as alot of posters have mentioned it, sex isn’t her issue here. Its a family holiday so I did not have great expectations and that’s ok!

I have told do why I’m upset and he said other parents should get their kids out of the way. I’ve said he should manage his kids behavior so they are considerate of others. He’s trying to put me in a good mood which I don’t like as I’m not a child. I’ve stepped back from parenting… abt half hour ago I said to him that he may wish to top kids suntan lotion up.

I'm sorry op but you need to give some thought to whether your dp would have been after a serious relationship if he didn't have childcare services to provide.

It really sounds like your DP has no sense of firm (but fun) boundaries with his DCs. He needs to be firm - he doesn’t have to be a disciplinarian!