What harsh words from others have stuck with you for life?

[blackbutterfly22]

''You really aren't very photogenic, are you?' (Said by my ex husband about 25 years ago and still haunts me to this day when someone takes my photo).

'You'll never find anyone again' . (Said when I got divorced 8 years ago and I truly now believe that there is something wrong with me as despite dating lots, no one seems to want to be my special person.)

Anyone have comments from others that keep rearing their heads throughout life?

Oh yes I'd forgotten this one - "I'm the one with the clever brain, you're the one with the stupid brain."

And far worse, from my mother. Her default position was that I was stupid. I wasn't in fact she was just applying adult standards of logic and problem solving to a child. She wasn't making any allowances for the fact that I was a child and just called me stupid.

When the scales fell from eyes and I became a much older teenager then an adult, I realised she was in fact resoundingly stupid herself and had made appalling decisions in our childhood. She'd believe anything she read in one newspaper without any ability to question or consider alternative views and reach a reasoned conclusion.

I don't know why she had children if I'm honest she saw me as property rather than a person in my own right.

I'm so sorry 😞

I don't understand why another sibling would be so cruel. My sister was similar. She was vicious about my appearance, and everything about me.

What I don't understand is that your sister was an identical twin - so she was surely calling herself ugly if she considered you ugly?

Auditioned for secondary school play. There were lots of parts of for grabs - I auditioned for them all, I got lots of praise but none of the parts. Deflated I just accepted people were better than me but asked my drama teacher what I needed to improve on. She told me I was excellent but the parts required people with “good looks and I simply didn’t look the parts” - it still stings 20 years on and I never accept a compliment if people tell me I’m pretty

When I asked my mother at 10 years old if I was pretty, she said no. But then went off into a lecture about how people shouldn't want to be pretty.

One of her stories from childhood was her dad looking her over and saying shame you look like me. Other sisters were prettier and looked like their mum. My mum was the daughter who looked like hi. And he kept telling her how awful that must be for her.

So in the context of knowing that one's parents' views of us can wound us, in answer to a ten year olds question "am I pretty?" she still said no. 😕🤔

"Your older sister got the looks and your younger one got the brains.....you have nothing of any worth to anyone. Why they (my parents), haven't given you away is beyond me". Said by my dad's mother. The day that bitch died was, (2nd only to DD being born), the happiest day of my life.

Edited as posted too soon.

My parents did love me (of that I have no doubt), but I was 12 years old at the time and from then on always felt worthless and the odd one out. It is only by raising a wonderful human being who wrote me the most beautiful letter which she gave me on the day I saw her graduate from uni, did I finally, in my late 40's, feel that I was actually worth something to someone.

Grandmother told me at 16 I had ideas above my station and that I’d come down to earth with a bump.

That little nugget always surfaces in my head when I least need it to.

Reading a lot of these comments, it’s clear the majority of them come from a place of pure jealousy. Aren’t people just bloody awful sometimes?

Beggars belief that an adult would say that out loud. A cast iron bitch for sire.

My adoptive mother on my wedding day, responded to one of her closest friends who said, in my presence, “oh you must be so proud of Katrina today, she looks beautiful, has just graduated from Oxbridge and is at the start of her life”. With the immortal words “well my birth children could have done all that if they’d wanted to, but they were good at sport too”. 😳

Talk about entering them into a competition which existed only in her own head! To be fair to her I was rubbish at sport though 😂

Not words but actions.

Went to a dinner of a lifetime at a Michelin star - maybe not a big deal for some but huge for me.

Got all dressed up and ready, was SO excited. We were seated next to a table of men having dinner, one hugely camp and loud. He spent a large part of the night giving me the side eye, giggling behind his hand and looking me up and down in the manner of a 12 year old girl. I felt so uncomfortable and after 30 mins just wanted to leave. It was awful

My ExH, when I told him I was leaving him (due to his constant cheating btw) : "Oh well, sleeping with you was like shagging a corpse anyway"

By my current DH "You're the kind of person who would cry rape when it hadn't happened"

No idea why he said that. We were arguing about something, but nothing to do with sex. It made no sense within the context of the argument, I was stunned! We generally have a great marriage. And yes, I've brought it up after the event and he can't explain it.

She hated everything about me whilst praising all her other GC. The worst part was she was sly, whenever she was in earshot of my parents or anyone one else it would be "well every family has it's oddball and Scar is ours", with a sweet, sickly smile on her face. Any cries of "oh that's not nice Gwen" would be answered with "she knows I'm just joking don't you Scar" said in a whinny voice that any other reply than "yes" would have made me out to be horrible for upsetting the "dear, sweet" old lady witch.

@shellyleppard Thank you, no, thank goodness!

By far the harshest words said to me have been by myself, about myself.

Trying not to constantly talk shit about myself is the struggle of my life!

Three things.. my Nan calling me a hateful child, I was around 9/10

A guy likening me to a brunette bimbo, I wasn’t blonde

A boyfriend telling me he was never attracted to REALLY good looking women

jealousy envy spite, accounts for many of these wicked cruel remarks -
I’m only amazed these unhappy wretched people are not covered in boils

Fat cunt, big nose, fat arms, just something to get off in, I’m only with you for the kids - consistently said by my now ex DH repeatedly over our 11 year marriage.

When I first found out my H had an emotional affair 10 years before and I started to look for jobs as I worked alongside him and was very very angry - he found a search on my phone when I had left it charging but open on a job search page and said 'why are you looking at jobs, who would want you' - this despite being mid 50s having jointly built up our business to be successful with a turnover of over a million. He said afterwards that he meant 'due to age' but it was such a horrible thing to say- still married but never forgot it.

Two things in particular have stayed with me.

The first, I was at Polytechnic in the late 80s and was with a couple of the girls off my course. They were going to pop to speak to one of our lecturers to ask a question about an essay and said to come with them as they’d only be ten minutes then we would walk home together. The lecturer asked me, ‘why are you here? You’re just tagging along, you’re always just tagging along aren’t you?’. I remember feeling embarrassed and assumed that’s how everyone really saw me.

The second was in my mid twenties, was selling my small one bedroom flat as I had just had my baby son and me and partner were wanting a 2 bed house. Lived in a university city and a couple and their student daughter came to view my flat with a view to buying it for the daughter to live in while studying.

I explained I was selling because I’d just had my baby and rather than say congratulations, the mum said quite condescendingly, ‘oh yes, you’ve reproduced’.
I remember feeling so small and dismissed. I had little confidence at that age and was taken aback by her words. It was said in what I now recognise as quite a ‘loaded’ way’ and I still remember how deflated I felt.

This is nothing compared to others but said to me
your writhing is like a child's I think about this person every time I write a card

All of the will be massively outing but here's goes.

"there's something wrong with her, she's a fucking R*RD" screamed by my step mum to my dad about me. He didn't correct her.

"when are you going to grow some fucking tits?" said by an uncle whilst i was sat at the table doing homework aged 14/15. I was a late bloomer and still have very little up top. I was bullied relentlessly about it at school too so having it implied to me in my own home that I was somehow 'failing' for just not having big boobs yet was just horrible, and made me feel utterly ashamed that my body was 'wrong'.

"Look what you've done to your mum you little bastard" said by DH to our unborn baby about my stretch marks. I have this on video because we were filming the baby moving.

"Oh poor you" said by student midwife about my stretch marks. My resulting shame and disgust about my stretch marks has ruined my life in many ways.

"Mums getting her floppies out" said to our newborn baby by DH as I was getting ready to breastfeed. He has a thing for perky barely there tits. Tanner stage 4 I'd say. I felt like I was disgusting, disfigured, disappointing and ugly. I still do most of the time.

"You look like a fucking clown" said by DH first time I wore make up again after having DD1

"I'm only married" overheard it said by DH when the girl he was trying to chat up at a party was rebuffing his drunk advances. He thought I was in another room settling the three month old baby.

"no you don't, don't be ridiculous" step mum when I disclosed I had PND.

"no you don't. You just need to go out for a walk more" MIL when i disclosed I had PND. I had very bad depression at the time and was slipping into unhealthy behaviours to self medicate. I felt I had to hide it even more after that. That everyone thought I was just a silly girl who wasn't trying hard enough.

"well you have eaten a lot of cakes and crisps recently" DH in response to me asking if I should exercise more to tone up, I was a very bony size 6 and secretly battling disordered eating. I was looking for reassurance so I could try and stop the madness I was in. I'd convinced myself if only I was as thin enough my stretchmarks and small 'floppy' tits would matter less. With my clothes on at least, I'd look more like the type of porn body shapes I'd found him binging.

"don't be RIDICULOUS" said by aunt about me going to uni after having children young and deciding I wanted a vocational career requiring a uni course (spoiler, I went and qualified and got my dream job, but I always felt like people were waiting for me to fail because I had no right to be there and it was ridiculous I should try).

"she faked it for attention" my family members to other wider family members on hearing some months later after the event, that I'd been hospital due to a very serious almost successful attempt to end my own life and had had to be readmitted again as still mentally very unwell. I honestly had given up hope when it happened and was in the darkest place I have ever experienced. It hurts that instead of concern and care, yet again I got a good ol' shaming/blaming from the people who I desperately wish could love me.

As you can imagine, pretty sure I now have some kind of body dysmorphia. I've spent my entire adult life on and off deciding if to have surgery to cut the parts of my body off I think are 'ugly'. I went for a breast surgery consult but they insisted it was best to make them bigger and I just wanted them to make them smaller and firmer, like my 17 year old A cup pre baby teenaged boobs, so I never had them done in the end. I'm also worried I'd be perpetuating my trauma into my daughters. If they knew I'd surgically adapted my body for the male gaze because becoming a mother had 'ruined' it for men, how would that affect their own body acceptance and self worth? I still suffer from disordered eating and addictive behaviours as a way to try and self soothe.

I have imposter syndrome, feel self indulgent and ridiculous if I try and achieve anything, when I do well at anything I have always waited for someone to tell me actually, its a error, I'm completely shit.

I'm often scared to tell anyone how I really feel mentally and when I do tell anyone, I feel ashamed because they probably don't believe me and think I'm being 'ridiculous' and/or am attention seeking. I am having therapy but even there I minimise a lot in case she's internally eyerollling at me and how pathetic I am or worse..... she sees and believes me and how dark things are getting again, and I end up back in a hospital with my family all slagging me off for it. I can't handle more shaming.

On A level results day, on getting good enough results to go where I wanted to go to and study what I wanted to study, knowing how hard is worked and how stressed I was during them, my mothers response was 'what, no As???'

No, no As. But still more than you managed dear mother...

Please tell me you left your husband…

I do think heads of year don't always know all their pupils.
My HoY comment was 'peach has grown into a poised and sophisticated young woman '
My form tutor had a laugh about that and wondered whether i was being mixed up with Lisa J who I was friends with.
Tbf I wasn't poised or sophisticated- not then nor now.

Ooh is that you N?
My mum told me I was the clever one and my sister was the pretty one, but I think it was quite common to label children in the 60’s.
To be fair there have been advantages; I have never had any doubts about my intelligence and have always been confident enough to argue my point.

My ex told me I had no friends and no one liked me, implying that they were only friends with me because of him when in reality they were my friends first. However he sowed the seed of doubt in my mind and I do still worry that people are avoiding me or they don't actually like me (even my best friend who hates my ex).

That I wouldn't cope without him and that I needed him.

The mental scars from years of abuse are hard to get rid off.