DP has been a twat (Content Warning)

[Mindyourownbusinessmadam]

My DP who I have been with for 4 years has put his thumbs into my eyes when I asked him if hes been seeing his ex...who , by the way, has constantly been messaging him.

Last year I suspected something as he was acting weird and kind of mocking me after he had a drink.
So, I told him my gut was telling me that he had been messaging her...well he went fucking mental and punched me on the face causing me to have , what the hospital said was a deep zycoma (broken cheek bone)
I never reported him and just forgave him as at the time I just thought he was angry at my 'paranoia'
I had to have an operation to put my cheek bone back, basically plastic surgery! I also had to have a procedure where they go in from the eyebrow bow to fix the cheek bone.

Anyway, fast forward to this year and we have been really happy, but I still suspect the ec is in the picture and he's been sneaking meetings with her...

I am in no way a paranoid or jealous person. I'm not the sort of person who will ever just assume things. But my gut has been off, and anyone who has had the git feeling will know exactly what I mean.

Now here is the issue...my god would I just love to kick him out as everything is in my name , but I totally rely on his money, that is another thing he said "I wouldn't give you all my money if I was having an affair"

One more thing...
He has a tattoo on his back saying that she is the love of his life forever. When I ask him to remove it he lies and says it's just some random writing. So wont remove it. What are your views , please be nice as I am in bots after tonight and I appreciate everyone's advice.

I'm sure this abusive man has conditioned the op the believe she can't work. Don't blame the op

It’s so jarring that you are concerned about the relationship stuff when his violence overrides all that trivial bullshit. He’s really done a number on you, OP.
He messages an ex vs. HE IS A VIOLENT ABUSER WHO BROKE YOUR BONES
He isn’t missing me after an argument vs. HE IS A VIOLENT ABUSER WHO BROKE YOUR BONES.
You have so done the right thing going to your sisters, don’t be comforted by him. His love and attention and apologies (they will come) are nothing more than tricks to get you back where he wants you: a punchbag that he controls with money.

He will kill you, then you won’t be working and won’t need to work as you will be 6 foot under.

Go to the police today and tell the
You need protection from him and you want to go home. You can get a restraining order so he can't come near your house. You can get the police to help you. Tell them you fear for your safety. Once his gone you can rebuild your life and start working You will look back and wonder why the hell you stayed with him. Tell your friends and family and ask for their support. People that love you will help you keep away from this nasty piece of work. The police will know how vulnerable you are now. When a woman calls time on an abuser she is the most at risk. The police will help you if you tell them everything. Please just go to them today.

Leave him. They never change and will only get worse

My ex strangled me. I could barely breathe for days afterwards and coughed up blood. Too frightened to go to hospital in case he found out I’d been and I stayed with him - ridiculous now when I look back

I eventually left about a month later and reported him to the police but because of lack of evidence (all I had was my internet search history of strangulation etc) he got away with it. I tried to give his next ‘victim’ a heads up, she ignored me and then messaged me 6 months later to say he had done the same to her.

So leave now - whilst you can

Abusive men want their partners to be dependent on them. Are you for real? Do you enjoy being treated like this? Do you see violence as a measure of the strength of his passion? Get in touch with a women’s aid charity and choose a different path

Re getting him to leave, there was a DV incident over the road and the police came, it wasn't like yours ( a verbal row with one party claiming the other wouldn't let them in the loo) anyway, the police came and the person who didn't have their name on the deeds was told they had to leave immediately. There and then. With the police. And go and stay somewhere else. They weren't allowed back to the house that night. This person stayed away but obviously you don't know if Mr twatbag will come back (probably) in which case you've 24h to get a locksmith to come and change your locks. Then you can tell him all his shit will be packed up and he can get it (when you have people with you) at a specific date and time.

Violent arseholes get violent. Whether he is having an affair or not is totally irrelevant. He is controlling and dangerous. You would be better off in a shelter.

Do you have any family you can get to when he leaves the house? Money is no good to you if you're dead, and not much comfort if you've been blinded.

I'm sure I'm just joining a chorus here, but YES.

Omg, I wish I could shake you.
Please, kick him out. You KNOW it's the right thing to do. Fuck his money.

Your man is not only a cheat but a huge abuser. Please call the police if you feel under threat in any way. It sounds like you do. Please also contact women’s aid. There are women’s refuges that you can also go to. You can tahr your kids with you. It’s better to leave now while alive, claim benefits and get a job. He is controlling you through money, he knew exactly what he was doing. Please stay safe, your messages are very concerning.

Also re contacting police, the A&E will still have records of when he punched your face and the injuries. Clear your browsers after being in this site as well as any others indicating your pending exit. This man cannot be trusted.

https://www.mirror.co.uk/all-about/tina-nash

Have a read of this.

OP has said that she used to work until he stopped her from working. It’s financial abuse, achieved through coercive control. The number of thinly veiled victim blaming posts on this thread is astounding.

Wow OP, so sorry you have been through this. I would definitely report both instances of violence to the police and ask a friend or family member to come round whilst you tell him to leave. He sounds terrifying

If the house is mortgaged it’s sometimes possible to request a break from payments, call the company and cite domestic abuse and see what they can do.

If rented you should be able to get some housing benefit but it won’t be immediate.

apply for jobs right away, like today!

speak with police, they will link you with local DV charities, could be women’s aid could be another agency but they all do a similar thing eg IDVA support. They can advise re benefits too.

stay strong, you got this.

OP please speak to someone professional today. If you don’t want to phone the police (and personally I think you should) then Womens aid or other DV support. You can talk through your options and best way to proceed.

He's stopped you from working.

He uses coercive control.

He's so Violet that it's very likely he'll kill you next time.

Yes you can ask someone who pays towards your house to leave. You need to tell the Police and Refuge what's been going on and ask for their help.

A PP said that Women have had their eyes actually gauged out by violent Men before. Here's one case.

Thanks to everyone who has posted. I'm going home to feed my lovely dog. Will update later after I've read all your messages.

Have you spoken to the Police and are you taking someone with you?

Is he still there?

You rely on him for money? Get in the dole and get.this man out your life before he kills you. IDGAF about telling you to get a job or whatever, this man broke your face and you had to have surgery. Go to the police, get a claim in.

Please don’t go alone.

I read something the other day which I cannot get out of my head.

Never be scared of leaving someone, be scared of what they'd do next if you don't.

You have already said you thought he was going to kill you that night, do not hang around for it to happen again as you might not be so lucky the next time.

My advice is to ring the police. Explain the two attacks (maybe even more). Tell your sister and tell your children. Break up with him, get a restraining order. You can seek help and advice from women's aid. You may be entitled to benefits. I agree with another poster, it wont matter about the money if he kills you. Please go to the police.