DP has been a twat (Content Warning)

[Mindyourownbusinessmadam]

My DP who I have been with for 4 years has put his thumbs into my eyes when I asked him if hes been seeing his ex...who , by the way, has constantly been messaging him.

Last year I suspected something as he was acting weird and kind of mocking me after he had a drink.
So, I told him my gut was telling me that he had been messaging her...well he went fucking mental and punched me on the face causing me to have , what the hospital said was a deep zycoma (broken cheek bone)
I never reported him and just forgave him as at the time I just thought he was angry at my 'paranoia'
I had to have an operation to put my cheek bone back, basically plastic surgery! I also had to have a procedure where they go in from the eyebrow bow to fix the cheek bone.

Anyway, fast forward to this year and we have been really happy, but I still suspect the ec is in the picture and he's been sneaking meetings with her...

I am in no way a paranoid or jealous person. I'm not the sort of person who will ever just assume things. But my gut has been off, and anyone who has had the git feeling will know exactly what I mean.

Now here is the issue...my god would I just love to kick him out as everything is in my name , but I totally rely on his money, that is another thing he said "I wouldn't give you all my money if I was having an affair"

One more thing...
He has a tattoo on his back saying that she is the love of his life forever. When I ask him to remove it he lies and says it's just some random writing. So wont remove it. What are your views , please be nice as I am in bots after tonight and I appreciate everyone's advice.

How do you know it will be easier to get rid of him?
He sounds like a psycho -no one knows what else he’s capable of violence-wise.

& OP’s children are grown up!!!!

If he tries to contact you in the morning, do not speak to him before you ring the police.
He is dangerous and more so now, don’t listen to his lies, his false apologies, all he wants is to stay to abuse you some more.
Get the Police to remove him from your house and tell your kids and everyone, what a total piece of shit he is ….

Your title is probably the biggest understatement of the century!

if your children think he's so great what do you say to them about the injuries you have sustained through his heinous violence to you?

You may not want to turn them against him, but at some stage you need them to know in an age appropriate way that he isnt Dad of the Year.

I'm so sad and angry on your behalf

Run, OP. Don’t cancel the weekend away as it might escalate his behaviour. Wait for a safe window TODAY and fucking run. Refuge, police, friends, anywhere safe. His behaviour around the violence is irrelevant. He is violent and will kill you if you stay. Fucking run.

@Mindyourownbusinessmadam well
done for deciding to end it. Get someone to go home with you, wait until he goes out, dump his stuff outside, change the locks. Report him to the police. Tell the kids. You owe him nothing.

I read the thread title and knew I would be able to substitute unfaithful\abusive for 'twat' but you surprised me - he is unfaithful and abusive. A double whammy.

Leave him. As quietly and undramatically as you can. Get out quick.

Jesus christ the other woman is neither here nor there. She is not your competition. This man is your abuser:a classic manipulative liar who preys on vulnerable women and who alternately uses you for sex and housekeeping and abuses you for fun. He will alternate petting you and injuring you because that is what he likes to do.

Stop deluding yourself that he’s some kind of prize.

The bills are neither here nor there.

Get help from the police. They can attend to prevent a breach of the peace. If you make a statement, and he's arrested he will also be given bail conditions that will prevent him from coming to your house or contacting you, which is even more protection.

Maybe also lawyer. But if you're not married and he's not in the tenancy/deeds/mortgage, you won't need a lawyer to get him out, you just need protection to do it safely. Do not do it alone.

Contact the police DV team or local refuge tomorrow. They can signpost you and explain your options.

By 'twat' I think you mean 'abusive'...

Yes you should leave him, there is no excuse for that behavior.

OP, your adult children need to know how he has abused you violently in the past. Keeping that truth from them hasn’t protected them, it has skewed their intelligence about him and allowed them to be manipulated by him.
Yes, they may be shocked but they need full disclosure from you now.
It’s not right to keep this important information to yourself any longer. The whole world needs to know he is dangerous.
They may be confused and shocked but tell them and allow them to help you recover from this dreadful experience.

You really must also report his violence to the police of course. It doesn’t matter that it was last year that he broke your cheek bone. The police need to know the full story.

I suggest that what you should do tomorrow is contact Womens Aid (as others have said) and be guided by them including informing the police.

There is no need for you to ever see your abuser ever again or speak to him. One final message is all that’s necessary. ‘It’s over. I want you out of my house immediately. All your stuff to be collected is at x location.’

For now, make sure somebody is with you because this man is a dangerous monster.

Wishing you well OP. No more suffering for you. You will get sorted and find a new more peaceful way to live. Good luck!

I quite agree. You can do better than this waste of space, please get rid fast. Your adult children would say the same. Don't spare their feelings, he might kill you next time.

Yes, cheating men are violent when cornered.

I would want to know and I wouldn't want to think well of the man who broke my mother's face. I know how abuse works, I've been in an abusive relationship, but seeing you worry about cheating when this man has broken your face and tried to gouge your eyes is heartbreaking and seriously messed up. There is absolutely nothing you could have said or done that would justify his actions. I would be broken if I lost my mum to DV, I'd feel so bad I didn't see let alone how much worse I'd feel for liking someone that abused her. He's not their Dad and they're adults they don't need to be protected from this. They do need to be protected from losing you and they might lose you if you stay. Make sure you log out of MN or use a password protected device so he can't stumble this thread and please call women's aide when he's not around. You're going to need support to safely leave this man. His behaviour is very scary and will probably escalate if he feels he's losing control of you.

Sorry, she 'allowed' you to come and stay? That sounds awful. She should be helping you run for the hills, but it sounds like she begrudgingly let you escape a (potential) murderer

I have spent time in a womens refuge and it's amazing how many women put up with violent men. At least one of those women went back to their partner and ended up dead.
When you went to the hospital, they will have asked you what happened so it will be on record that he assaulted you. It should have been reported to the police.
Please do as others have advised and leave this man.

You need someone with you whenever you deal with him now. Don't see him on your own. Tell the police everything, especially that you're going to tell him to leave.

Leave. Leave right now

I have no advice more then what has already been given but today is a new day, stay strong and don't back down. Stay safe and tell your family, grown up children etc as they will support you to not go back.

Report him
Get a Ring doorbell and if doable put cctv up front, back and one inside the house if possible.

Sending lots of love. Stay safe

He broke your cheekbone but he’s “so charming in other ways”? Jesus.

Women's Aid can help with next steps and the Police can remove him. Please report him, you can get legal orders in place to keep him away. He is a nasty, dangerous man and you are at risk. Please don't allow yourself to be alone in his presence again. Always have company. Well done for telling your sister and getting away.

Please be very careful. Violence usually escalates when the abuser feels like they are losing or have lost control the most dangerous time is when the decision has been made to split up. He might get angry and violent if you are “disobeying” by not wanting to go away for the weekend.

Please contact women’s aid to plan your escape carefully. They will be able to support you with this. I wish you all the best

Bless you op!
You need to get away from him asap.
I read a true story once and the second I read what he did to you , it reminded me of it. Long story short, this lady was blinded by her boyfriend. He blinded her with his bare hands!

However tough it seems to leave, at least you won't have to spend your life worrying when he's next going to lash out.

What happened to you op that you’d allow a man to do this to you? Allow your children to know and have to lie and pretend they beleive you. Is it really just you’re doing it for the money or is their something in your past?

Sorry, but your adult children need to know what he’s done. You’re their Mum, they’ll want to protect you.

Why do you need his money? Are you unable to work?

They don’t adore him, not if they suspect dv. They pretend. Likely scared. Go along with it. But they hate him.