DP has been a twat (Content Warning)

[Mindyourownbusinessmadam]

My DP who I have been with for 4 years has put his thumbs into my eyes when I asked him if hes been seeing his ex...who , by the way, has constantly been messaging him.

Last year I suspected something as he was acting weird and kind of mocking me after he had a drink.
So, I told him my gut was telling me that he had been messaging her...well he went fucking mental and punched me on the face causing me to have , what the hospital said was a deep zycoma (broken cheek bone)
I never reported him and just forgave him as at the time I just thought he was angry at my 'paranoia'
I had to have an operation to put my cheek bone back, basically plastic surgery! I also had to have a procedure where they go in from the eyebrow bow to fix the cheek bone.

Anyway, fast forward to this year and we have been really happy, but I still suspect the ec is in the picture and he's been sneaking meetings with her...

I am in no way a paranoid or jealous person. I'm not the sort of person who will ever just assume things. But my gut has been off, and anyone who has had the git feeling will know exactly what I mean.

Now here is the issue...my god would I just love to kick him out as everything is in my name , but I totally rely on his money, that is another thing he said "I wouldn't give you all my money if I was having an affair"

One more thing...
He has a tattoo on his back saying that she is the love of his life forever. When I ask him to remove it he lies and says it's just some random writing. So wont remove it. What are your views , please be nice as I am in bots after tonight and I appreciate everyone's advice.

OP please keep posting if you can, we are all worried about you and concerned for your safety.

It doesn't matter what he's paid into your household, he's effectively a lodger, and as the house is yours, you have every right to evict him. If you don't get him to leave, he is effectively buying your silence. Just get the police round asap.

I have not read the whole thread, just the OPs posts, but just came on to say that:

1. He is not a "twat", he is a dangerous criminal.
2. Your life is in danger, please act accordingly, and fast. Money issues, cheating issues etc are irrelevant in the face of the severe and acute danger to to your life. Do whatever you need to do to get away safely.

I say this as a medical professional who has worked in the field of violent offending for decades.

OP I sincerely hope you can access all the help available to you from the police, from Women's Aid, from a good lawyer, from everyone and anyone who is out there and able to help you.

This man should be in prison.

It will take time to recover from this. I won't lie, it may take years. You can do it. We are all here when you need us.

You have all of my very best wishes.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE CALL THE POLICE NOW!!! DO NOT THINK ABOUT GOING HOME!!

Get his stuff out of the house and change the locks before he comes home ,

As PP have said, please don't leave the dog alone in the house - this violent thug will have no qualms about hurting or killing the dog to get back at you.

This is one of the saddest things I've ever read on Mumsnet.

Please, for the love of god get out of the house and call the police. Tell your family the truth. Link to this thread if you can't face telling them in person. Ask them for help.

The OPs partner wasn't behaving like a twat. That is downplaying what he really is which is a very violent potential killer. Sorry I haven't read every post but if surgeons have to rebuild a smashed face then surely they need to know how the injuries came about. To shield the man who did it was just enabling him to do it and worse again.

Changing the locks is not a magical solution either. A violent man who's home is no longer accessible would be capable of any kind of horror.

I've known women (and still do) who stay in loveless marriages because of the fine lifestyle but this is on another and very dangerous level. It isn't the only option for you OP and I hope you take the advice here and without delay.

OP having read through your later messages:

Please don't go back. Call the police and tell them what you've told us. Keep the dog with you and find somewhere safe where this man doesn't know where you are and can't get to you.

Please.

Yes. It happened to Kelly Ann Bates. All women should know her name.

OP, please, please, please leave this man. He's dangerous. Please go.

I think we all wish we could step into real life and help you. We are all behind you.

Call the police.
Tell them about last night's attack.
Tell them about all the previous attacks.
Ask them to get this man out of your house.

Please do not end things with this man until you have spoken to a domestic violence adviser. It’s far too dangerous to simply kick him out. Contact your local IDVA and they will give you practical advice that will keep you safe.

He is far worse than a common twat.
I hope you can safely leave him and start a new chapter.

Oh OP a huge virtual hug for you.

Please call the police. They can remove him from your house.

I wouldn't stay there alone. Stay with your sister or adult children if you can.

Contact Women's Aid! They have some fantastic advice on how to leave safely, and they can give you financial advice as well.

www.womensaid.org.uk/womens-aid-directory

The link above will take you to a page where you can find your local service and get in touch with them x

Didn't the hospital raise any issue or concerns with how you broke your cheek? Surprised this wasn't investigated.

@Mindyourownbusinessmadam please do not ever return to your property alone while he is still there, and do not tell him to leave when on your own with him. This is the most dangerous time for you.
From your sister’s, call the police, tell them what he has done last night and where he is now. Only when he has been arrested should he be informed that your relationship is over. Next step is contact Womens Aid, who will be able to advise you about the next steps to remain safe, offer a refuge placement to reduce immediate dangers and they have links to solicitors who they work with to secure non-molestation orders etc.
Please, what ever you decide to do, you need to understand that now he has lost control of you, your life will be in danger and you need to accept all the help and advice provided to keep you safe. Even if that means moving into a refuge for a short while to keep you safe.
The stats show that 1 in 5 women who leave an abusive relationship are killed by the perpetrator and you only have to do an internet search to see numerous reports of this happening.
I have worked in a Womens refuge and seen this played out so many times.
Wishing you well 💐

@Mindyourownbusinessmadam He's sensing he's losing control of you so rather than use the abuse tactic he's going for the tactic of messing with your head by saying what he thinks you want to hear, making you feel guilty for wanting him gone I'm sure the next tactic will be telling you he knows he has a problem and he'll change and even see a counsellor. He'll be on his best behaviour for a few weeks/months then when he's lulled you into a false pretense his abuse will start again thats exactly what my dad did to my mum. Please listen to other posters OP and report him to the police and have them there when you throw him out for your own safety.

All of this.

I'm sorry, OP. Leaving is the most dangerous time. There are services and people who can help you. Please make use of them.

@Mindyourownbusinessmadam

Just to say I know it can be very scary involving the police, but it is a way of taking control back over your life as much as it is necessary to protect you.

Whether you involve the police or not, you can have an emergency restraining order put in place. It doesn't need to cost you anything and can be arranged without his knowledge until it is approved. Make sure it specifies powers of arrest - that if he breaks it the police have power to arrest him (otherwise its worthless).

I've been through this process and one big fear is how he will react when he finds out - I was reassured by the lawyers that often men are surprisingly accepting of it, acknowledging that they've done the things detailed in the order. And do you know? That was true in my case

These are the people to speak to to arrange one: https://www.ncdv.org.uk/non-molestation-order/

It is your choice whether to involve the police, but I really hope that you do.

christ, the ex is the very least of your problems. call the police, change the locks and get some therapy. this man will kill you if you allow him to stay in your life.

Report him to the police.

Get support to change the locks and chuck him out, after the above.

link from top of page

Being a twat is stripping the bed and not remaking it or unloading the dishwasher onto the side and not bothering to put it away. Being an abusive arsehole is someone who breaks their partners cheek and attempts to burst their eyeballs. Call Womens Aid now and get out safely. You can figure everything out as you go but for now you need to be safe. Men like this turn into killers very quickly.