DP has been a twat (Content Warning)

[Mindyourownbusinessmadam]

My DP who I have been with for 4 years has put his thumbs into my eyes when I asked him if hes been seeing his ex...who , by the way, has constantly been messaging him.

Last year I suspected something as he was acting weird and kind of mocking me after he had a drink.
So, I told him my gut was telling me that he had been messaging her...well he went fucking mental and punched me on the face causing me to have , what the hospital said was a deep zycoma (broken cheek bone)
I never reported him and just forgave him as at the time I just thought he was angry at my 'paranoia'
I had to have an operation to put my cheek bone back, basically plastic surgery! I also had to have a procedure where they go in from the eyebrow bow to fix the cheek bone.

Anyway, fast forward to this year and we have been really happy, but I still suspect the ec is in the picture and he's been sneaking meetings with her...

I am in no way a paranoid or jealous person. I'm not the sort of person who will ever just assume things. But my gut has been off, and anyone who has had the git feeling will know exactly what I mean.

Now here is the issue...my god would I just love to kick him out as everything is in my name , but I totally rely on his money, that is another thing he said "I wouldn't give you all my money if I was having an affair"

One more thing...
He has a tattoo on his back saying that she is the love of his life forever. When I ask him to remove it he lies and says it's just some random writing. So wont remove it. What are your views , please be nice as I am in bots after tonight and I appreciate everyone's advice.

Out. Leave. Now.
He’s violent.
He caused you a horrendous injury and you forgave him? In his head that means ‘I can do what I like’
Violent men can kill. And they do.

If you are at the house, take your dog & LEAVE NOW!!!
He is a really dangerous man. THIS is a DANGEROUS time for you.
Call the Police. They will help you get the locks changed & get a non molestation order. Call Women's Aid. Listen to what they say & DO IT.

Later, when you are safe, you can claim some benefits (WA will help you)
You can start to look for work in time, when you are healed.
One step at a time. You are being brave. Keep going.
Get out of that house. Call the Police, Call WA too (you need both).
Tell your family / others as soon as you feel able (dont worry about the past, now is all that matters). I am thinking of you, my sister xxx

Please don't feel you need to defend yourself against other posters who are asking why you've put up with his abuse and why you're still with him.

Many, many women have been through similar and you have nothing to feel ashamed about. It's your partner who should hang his head, but of course he won't; his type always justify their actions by blaming their victim.

The most important thing is that you put a stop to it now and in the future and you do have a future without him making you fear for your life.

Please call the police and say you wish to report an assault on you by your partner and you're scared he'll do it again.

You get the police to get him out. Doesn’t matter what he’s paid/ what he hasn’t. He can do sod all about that.
Report last nights violence to the police.
They will remove him.
Change locks, ring door bell installed or similar.
Make a police statement about last year’s violence.

it sounds like a mountain to climb but you’ll feel so much better when you take the first step. Once I got a on a roll to leave it went far, far better than I expected.

You can do this.

You and you dog need to be out and away permanently. Violence escalates during breakups. Don't go alone, and get your dog out - do not leave the dog there.

OP you are minimising. Call the police now.

Shame is a tool they use to control you. Do not be ashamed, the only one who should be ashamed is him. Shake it off. Refuse to carry it. And speak your truth.

I am also thinking of you, my sister xx

Call the police on him and get the locks changed on the house ASAP. Womans aid will give you advice.

He will kill you eventually if you stay with him, he's shown his true colours. imagine that was your daughter getting her face smashed in by her partner, how would you feel?

You also think he might be cheating, every time you sleep with that man it's a risk to your sexual health.

Please keep as far away from this man as possible and NEVER look back.

When your adult children have partners do you want them to think it's OK to be assaulted by them?
When they have their own children do you want them to think it's OK for the children to be oblivious about their mother being assaulted?

This.

This is not normal.. you seem desensitised to his violence already… given your focus on his tattoo and his ex. You need major surgery because he punched you. It’s time to do whatever you can to leave him.

Well done on getting away from him last night, but you need to take urgent steps to protect yourself further today. You might think he doesn't have a key, but as others have said don't assume he hasn't had a spare cut.

He doesn't need a key to sit in wait outside your house for you to come back.

He doesn't need a key to kick a door in/smash a window.

And without wanting to sound hysterical, he doesn't need a key to shove a burning rag through the letterbox in the middle of the night.

He has shown you multiple times that he is violent and has no qualms about attacking you. Now that you are taking back control he has the potential to be even more of a threat - there's a reason why the most common time for a woman to be murdered by a former partner is within the first few months after she leaves him.

Call the police. Call them now and tell them everything. Tell them you are afraid and that you want him arrested and to apply for a restraining order (if that's the correct UK term).

Then you call a locksmith and get all the locks changed just to be on the safe side.

Please take action today, your life really could be on the line.

And stop protecting him.

Your kids are adults. And they won’t adore him if they know what he’s really like.

OP, come on. You're not thinking straight. You're at the house, he's not there. You get someone over to change the locks. You get someone else over to stay with you today, tonight, tomorrow. You call the police and let them know you are scared he's going to try to break in.

Taking the dog for a nice walk and hoping he doesn't have his key is such scary behaviour. He does have a key. He's furious with you. And you have to assume that if he understands that it's over, he's going to try to kill you.

Can you please take this seriously? I'm scared for you.

What have I read??

@Mindyourownbusinessmadam the shame is not yours, it is entirely his.

Given his violent history towards you, I strongly advise that you call the police and involve them now you are kicking him out. The most dangerous time for abused women is when they are ending the relationship.
Call an emergency locksmith and have the locks changed, too, today.
Also speak to refuge & women's aid who can advise you every step of the way.

Protect yourself & your children first - call the police - 999

https://refuge.org.uk/

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/

@Mindyourownbusinessmadam Putting your suspicions about him and his ex OP to the side leave the bastard he's been abusing you and you are too scared to tell your kids because they adore him! Why are you covering up for this piece of shit? He clearly doesn't value you or he wouldn't treat you like this. As my mum told me years ago "if a man hits you once get away from him because if you stay he'll do it again".

He's really done a number on you OP you rely on him for financial support that's not him being a loving partner thats him making sure you have no financial means to leave him and he can control you. Start planning your escape put as much money as you can to the side, tell your friends and your kids exactly what he's like but tell them not to let on to him they know act completely normal until you have your escape ready. Also you should visit your GP and tell them what he's done get it on record and call Women's Aid for further advice and support.

Also make a Claire's law application I wouldn't be surprised if he has a history of this behaviour including with his ex I wouldn't be surprised if that was the reason they split up.

I really really hope you're safe OP. Call the police, report him and ask them to escort him from your property.

You need to be totally honest with your family and also call the police because I can't imagine he'll merrily go on his way.

Christ alive.

This is ewful and unacceptable you know you have to leave him , please start looking for work get your eggs in a basket, he has no respect for you, basically abusive when you question him, that's to stop you from bringing it up again, you shouldn't have to live like this

OP daylight doesn't make situation any safer,
please take what you need and get away until locks are changed and you have spoken to police, I'm seriously worried about your safety

Imagine you were walking down the street and someone punched you in the face causing injuries that meant you had to be hospitalised. Then you saw them again and they stuck their thumbs into your eyes.

You’d call the police, wouldn’t you? You wouldn’t be ashamed - you’d be upset and furious and outraged.

This is WORSE than that. This man was meant to love you and care for you. His violence and his abuse are a betrayal. Get the fucker out of your life and tell everyone what he’s done.

I think you're doing really well, just keep going!

Don't let him talk you into taking him back and get thee police to assist in case he gets angry again. Change the locks and all that.

Keep yourself safe! Good Luck!

PLEASE call the police NOW!

Or get out of the house with your dog and anything else you need, NOW.

If you’re still there alone when he comes home, you’ll be in great danger.

You deserve to live a safe life, without him.

You need to tell your family the truth about the attack when he broke your face. You've gone back to the house with no backup, no safety plan. This man is perfectly capable of killing you. The only way you can protect your kids from losing their mother is to start telling your loved ones the truth and take the threat of his violence seriously, because it is deadly serious. Take the dog to your sister's or one of the kids and get the fuck out of that house until you've talked to your family and women's aide and the police and had locks changed and made sure you're safe. You're minimising this in your mind but the violence this man has committed has shown he's perfectly capable of killing you. I know how surreal that must sound, but that doesn't make it untrue. The violence he's shown breaking your face, trying to gouge your eyes, he's not even trying to hide how he's physically hurting you and that is a very scary and very worrying sign.