DP has been a twat (Content Warning)

[Mindyourownbusinessmadam]

My DP who I have been with for 4 years has put his thumbs into my eyes when I asked him if hes been seeing his ex...who , by the way, has constantly been messaging him.

Last year I suspected something as he was acting weird and kind of mocking me after he had a drink.
So, I told him my gut was telling me that he had been messaging her...well he went fucking mental and punched me on the face causing me to have , what the hospital said was a deep zycoma (broken cheek bone)
I never reported him and just forgave him as at the time I just thought he was angry at my 'paranoia'
I had to have an operation to put my cheek bone back, basically plastic surgery! I also had to have a procedure where they go in from the eyebrow bow to fix the cheek bone.

Anyway, fast forward to this year and we have been really happy, but I still suspect the ec is in the picture and he's been sneaking meetings with her...

I am in no way a paranoid or jealous person. I'm not the sort of person who will ever just assume things. But my gut has been off, and anyone who has had the git feeling will know exactly what I mean.

Now here is the issue...my god would I just love to kick him out as everything is in my name , but I totally rely on his money, that is another thing he said "I wouldn't give you all my money if I was having an affair"

One more thing...
He has a tattoo on his back saying that she is the love of his life forever. When I ask him to remove it he lies and says it's just some random writing. So wont remove it. What are your views , please be nice as I am in bots after tonight and I appreciate everyone's advice.

Well done for going to your sister. That was amazing. So many women don’t even manage to break through the paralysis and make that one move.

Now you need to be really wise because right now this fucker is the most dangerous he’s ever been and ever will be.

The point where they realise they will lose you is when they are most likely to kill. It’s already happened twice - he attacked you, with brutal violence, when you confronted him about cheating. He’s extremely likely to kill you when he realises that you’re serious about leaving.

The problem is that one of our mind’s mechanisms for dealing with danger is to minimise it. That’s why you end up focusing on the cheating rather than the bone breaking - it seems surreal to outsiders but it’s a very common pattern in people living with violent abusers.

So trust us - MN has a community of women who have been where you are and will help you find the path out. Women are murdered by their partners every week in the UK. Every week. Don’t be a statistic.

Call the police.

Choose to survive.

Call the police. Get someone to stay with you. You aren’t safe.

as others have said this is the most dangerous time.

call the police as soon as you are home from the dog walk. You need help

Does he normally take keys when he goes to work @Mindyourownbusinessmadam ?

I'd use this time to change the locks. What time does he finish work usually?

This man is a monster and very dangerous. You need to tell your friends and family everything- at the moment you’re effectively covering for him and they like a man that doesn’t actually exist.
You need to tell the police so they can put measures in place to protect you. You’re at high risk from this man. Women just like you did every single day at the hands of men like this. The police can put a warning marker on your address and phone number and any calls to your home or abandoned phone calls to 999 from your phone will be treated as an emergency.
When you have ended it, I suggest you tell neighbours. Ask them to keep an eye and ear out for you- if they hear banging or shouting to please call 999. If they see him at the house to call 999. This is the difference between life and death- I’m not being dramatic here. So many people prefer to keep to themselves rather than get involved and need to be explicitly asked.

Don't fret about paying for things. Would you rather be skint or dead? That’s the reality here.

Hang on, I’ve misunderstood what you posted - you’re back at the house, sorting his stuff and think he doesn’t have a key?

of course he’s got a fucking key. He’s a violent controlling man, assume he’s had one cut. Assume he’s dangerous enough to kill you.

Call the police. Tell them MN told you to.

To add a bit more he punched me in the face before he broke my cheek. I fell to the floor. Also after my hospital stay he accused me of having an affair and started slapping me on my healing face.
God when I read this back...

If you legally own your house and he has no claim on it then get the police to help you get him out.

Report the latest incident and the first incident. you have evidence of the facial injuries even if you lied about how they happened at the time.

Tell the police that you have left in fear of your life. He should be arrested and removed from your property. Then change the locks and bag up all his stuff and get him out of your life.

Get a restraining order, do whatever it takes to keep him away from you.

Ignore all contact from him.

You can do this. You’ve already been brave enough to reach out to your sister.

It’s just three little numbers.

I have stated this before on Mumsnet when another poster was in a similar suitation, in the hope that it would help them realise how important it was to get out of their abusive relationship. When I was younger I lived part time with my auntie, my mum's sister as my mum was a single parent and worked shifts, so every other week I would stay at my aunties house with her, her husband and my two cousins. I loved it, however when I was 10 years old my aunty turned up at my house with a black eye, I heard her tell my mum that her husband had done it. I remember my mum begging my aunty to kick him out, she didn't. He killed her, strangled her, my beautiful, kind aunty. Please please OP leave this man.

But what is your plan OP?

Hoping he doesn't have his keys...

He could bash the door in.

What is your next move?

You will have to go home with the dog at some point and he may be there. Surely if he wants to get in he can break in and enter, somehow?

To be fair this is valid. You were at your sisters when he left for work this morning. So of course he would have taken a key! You need to think straight.

Get the police involved NOW!

Please call your adult children now and let them know that's happening.

And call the police. The most vulnerable time with a domestic abuser is when a woman leaves.

He sees you as a possession, and will likely be very angry that you've stood up to him.

You need the protection of friends, family and the police. Please tell your children what's going on.

Can you try speaking to Women's Aid? If you can get through, they should give you some good advice.

I bet the hospital never ever believed your tale about falling out of a hot tub.

They will have seen and heard the like before.

But unless you wanted to press charges, they were powerless.

Send your sister a link to this thread too.

It helps to tell the truth. It helps YOU to see what’s going on. What else has he said? What else has he done?

Jesus F Christ. Why are you with this cretinous abuser? Do you dislike yourself so much that you’ll let a man do this to you?! He will kill you. LEAVE HIM.

Sounds like a keeper.

I think you know the answer OP.

Change the locks,do not allow this man back near you. Go to citizen advice and find out what financial help you can get,go to a lawyer and take an induction out against him so he can't come near you or the house and go to the police and have him charged and tell your kids EVERYTHING. Good luck,you got this x

Please watch the video I linked to. I'd bet £100 that you'll be thinking you're watching yourself.

You sound nonchalant about it all, ask yourself why this is. Just get out, go to Citizens Advice about your rights and benefits, and Womens Aid for help with a place to stay, call them today.
They never change, honestly they don't, bet the ex has endured similar to you.
I had an ex like this, he still tells my mum he loves me, literally 25 years later and has a very warped view of what our relationship was, if I'd have stayed with him, my life would have been hell. I didn't want to be with him most of the relationship but I was young and couldn't figure out how to leave, so I understand somewhat. Small steps taken today could save your life.

I’ve never had a LTR I’ve never been interested (but that’s another thread for another day)so I don’t know whether I’m qualified to say this but shouldn’t 4 years into a relationship (to some extent) still be the honeymoon period. Imagine life 20 years down the line from now. I’m so glad you’ve turned to your sister. X

A friend of mine reported her partner when he shouted repeatedly in her face and she felt threatened. He was arrested for emotional abuse that day, they pulled him over as he was returning home from work.

I don’t understand why OP isn’t reporting him. Walking the dog and thinking he has no keys, it’s bizarre and dangerous behaviour.

@Holdthisgoodweather

I bet the hospital never ever believed your tale about falling out of a hot tub.

A lot of women 'walk into a door', apparently.

I don’t understand why OP isn’t reporting him. Walking the dog and thinking he has no keys, it’s bizarre and dangerous behaviour.

Because she may have some misplaced loyalty and feeling for him.

Head in the sand a bit.

Of everything you’ve said so far, slapping your healing face, has shocked me the most. I want to hug you and find you a safe place to heal, and I’m just a stranger on the internet. Not the person you trust with your heart.