DP has been a twat (Content Warning)

[Mindyourownbusinessmadam]

My DP who I have been with for 4 years has put his thumbs into my eyes when I asked him if hes been seeing his ex...who , by the way, has constantly been messaging him.

Last year I suspected something as he was acting weird and kind of mocking me after he had a drink.
So, I told him my gut was telling me that he had been messaging her...well he went fucking mental and punched me on the face causing me to have , what the hospital said was a deep zycoma (broken cheek bone)
I never reported him and just forgave him as at the time I just thought he was angry at my 'paranoia'
I had to have an operation to put my cheek bone back, basically plastic surgery! I also had to have a procedure where they go in from the eyebrow bow to fix the cheek bone.

Anyway, fast forward to this year and we have been really happy, but I still suspect the ec is in the picture and he's been sneaking meetings with her...

I am in no way a paranoid or jealous person. I'm not the sort of person who will ever just assume things. But my gut has been off, and anyone who has had the git feeling will know exactly what I mean.

Now here is the issue...my god would I just love to kick him out as everything is in my name , but I totally rely on his money, that is another thing he said "I wouldn't give you all my money if I was having an affair"

One more thing...
He has a tattoo on his back saying that she is the love of his life forever. When I ask him to remove it he lies and says it's just some random writing. So wont remove it. What are your views , please be nice as I am in bots after tonight and I appreciate everyone's advice.

Please contact domestic violence support services, they will believe you and they will listen.

Please please do not go home alone. Call the police first, you have to get him out of there. This is a really dangerous thing to do on your own. It's not worth the risk. You need a non molestation order and the locks changed. The police did the lock change for me with no charge.

This is the most dangerous time for you.
report him to the police, carry through with the prosecution, speak to women’s aid and do not return home without either the police to help you evict him or male family/friends.

OP, this is not about cheating, about who is the love of his life or money. This is about surviving. You have to leave him.

Okay I get it’s very very very easy for me to say all this while sitting on my couch eating a sausage butty and drinking tea. However, If you are going to stay with this abusive cunt which of course I plead you don’t. Please please do not bring any children into that environment. Children really don’t have a choice.
You say you couldn’t survive without his money. However You’ve only been with him 4 years. It’s hardly a lifetime is it. What did you do before you met him. Also what good is money when you’re lying on a mortuary slab because that’s what very well happen. It only takes one unlucky blow. You say you’ve been happy the last year and while I certainly can’t validate your feelings I must say I find that hard to believe. You don’t go from having your face broken and nearly being blinded to then being euphoric in the same relationship it doesn’t work like that, and if you have been then you’ve clearly been treading around egg shells which is no way to live or even just exist.
💐

When my cheating ex left me I had a job as I had to pay the Bills, but this one told me I would never have to work again. And he would support me, which he has done, but I'm now thinking hes given me everything money wise so he can carry on with the 'love of his life's who is married by the way

Sorry, this makes little sense. Are you saying you only previously had a job because your ex left and you had to pay the bills? Putting it across as ‘I had a job as I had to pay the bills’ is odd, as people work because that’s what productive members of society do. Then you gave up a job because this guy said he would support you, and you seem to think that ‘never have to work again’ is a positive thing? How so? Has this enabled you to devote your time to a charitable organisation for free 5 days a week or something? It seems most odd.

All that oddness aside, you need to never go back to this vile man. You needed to have left him and reported him to the police after your initial assault but for whatever reason that didn’t happen. Don’t make the same mistake and return now. Ensure strategies for safety as he sounds a deranged loon who would probably think nothing of killing you and don’t look back.

Wow, thank you all so much for your replies. And for the links ets.
I am home now and the piece of filth is at work thank god.

About the thread title, I was probably trying to be low key as I didn't want it to blow up, but it has and I thank you all for taking the time to read it.

He has been trying to call me but I've declined his calls as I just don't have any words to say to him right now, he knows I go on this site so he could possibly be reading , though I doubt it.
Over told my sister and I've spoke to my youngest daughter this morning.
I've told them about last night but haven't told them about when he hospitalised me as I really am ashamed that I am still with him,
I wouldn't normally tell them anything, but the reason I have is because I need them to tell me to get rid, just like you all have done.

We had such a lovely weekend last week and I was so looking forward to this weekend too.
I'm so gutted,
I just hope he isn't on his way home from work , hes done that before when I didnt answer his calls.
I know I need him to leave and I'm begging his stuff up, it's so hard as I don't have and money at the moment to pay for everything, but as a pp mentioned "dead women don't pay bills"
Thank you all for the support and advice.

I've only read the first paragraph of the op.

Leave him - it will save your life. Nothing else matters

Twats put empty milk cartons back in the fridge or leave wet towels on the floor.

This man could kill you.

Leave and never look back.

In answer to your question violent men get violent when confronted - not just when they are cheating. If even he is/isnt cheating that's the least of your worries i'm sorry to say. This other person also needs protecting from this horrible violent man. You can and must get help..

He’s a very dangerous man. You need to have someone with you when he comes back to the house and you tell him to leave - preferably the police.

I’m really worried about your safety OP, I really think you need to speak with services today to support you and your children. Please call a DV helpline and explain, they will sort everything from there.

OP there are so many services who can help you leave, and leave safely. Refuge and Women’s Aid are great at this. Please do not be the woman killed this week by their partner in the UK. This situation is so unfair, but it’s also so so dangerous. I work in the NHS for talking therapies, and if you had said this to me in a session, I’d be cancelling the rest of my appointments today for emergency safeguarding meetings.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b047zl98

I don't often link to this programme. But I remember it so clearly, even though I watched it years ago. You are being controlled and you are accepting a life of abuse. This girl didn't survive it.

Vile violent men get violent when challenged. The cheating is irrelevant.

Do whatever you have to, to get this man out of your life now. No money is worth this risk to your life. This man is a dangerous psychopath.

OP, it's great that you are finding the strength to bag his things up whilst he's at work, but honest to God, you need police protection. What if he comes back whilst youre bagging his things? Then what?

Is there no-one you could have at the house with you til he's got his things? You need police there when he takes his bags. Listen to us all. I feel like you're not realising the severity of the situation you're in.

Thanks again.i am reading all your replies Hes just messaged me saying how much he loves me and that I'm his soulmate!
I still haven't messaged him or answered his calls. I'm taking my dog for a nice long walk now. If he comes home I wont be there.

Absolutely this- leaving is the most dangerous time and the moment where many victims are killed. There is a reason services exist to help women plan to leave, it’s purely for protection and safety

Call the police, OP.

Don't be in the house in case he comes back.

He did this because its easier to control you! his saying 'you'll never have to work' sounds wistful and romantic, but actually its a control tactic, he knows it makes it harder for you to leave the relationship.

This will continue - you can't make him stop, the only way to make it stop is for you to leave. Contact the police, tell them about tonight, and then tell them about the attack last year, do you have pictures etc?

Well done for getting out.

Be very careful. He is at his most dangerous when he knows you intend to leave. Women’s Aid can talk you through practicalities. Have a very low bar for calling the police.

I’m delighted you are doing this. We dont need to read about another murdered woman in the press, we need you.

He doesnt have his keys I don't think. So hopefully he cant get in.

Fuck walking the dog. Fuck being his soulmate. Call. The. Police.

You need help to understand why you let him treat you this this. He is low life that is financially abusing you, he’s using money to control you, people often experience financial abuse as withholding funds, he’s doing the opposite. Do you value your own life so little? How much money are you willing to accept for your life, your dignity, your adult children don’t adore him, they adore the fictional character he has created.
Ask for a Clare’s law disclosure from the police. I would be surprised if you are the first person he’s assaulted. Don’t you wonder why the love of life doesn’t want him? Perhaps she didn’t accept broken bones.

If you think he's on his way home is there someone there with you? Have you changed the locks? YouTube should show you how to do this.