Husband has announced he's leaving me

[stomachcramps]

Hey 👋
I've been on Mumsnet since 2010 and I've posted many times previously and notably in times of crisis.
I've always received wise words and a handy hold.
Excuse my jocular tone - I think I'm just in shock.
I posted back in 2012 when my husband cheated on his stag do.
I ignored most of the advice given and stayed with him.
We've had our ups and downs but I'd consider it, up until now, to have been a successful and happy marriage.
He sat me down earlier and just said: I need to talk to you.
There's someone else.
That's it - He's leaving.
Not now, but soon.
Upping and going.
He cried loads. I was emotionless and motionless.
Mumsnet - you're famous for helping women to get their ducks in a row. What do I need to know? Be wary of?
We have an eleven year old who starts high school in September.
(D)H plans to move 300 miles away to be with the fifteen years newer and shinier model of me.

Thundercunt's road to self-realisation will be like starring in a horror film, played in slow motion.
He will not believe what he has given up and at what cost. There's no one like you.

Sending hugs and continued strength. I remember the advice of buying children's clothes in larger sizes now, plus gift cards/cash back at supermarkets from a legendary MN thread xx

This is very sad for both of you OP. I have a friend whose kid was adopted and it did affect her badly when her Dad left them and later had his own biological kid with his new wife.

It’s wild he’s so willing to walk out and leave not only you but his child. Incredibly selfish and vile but sadly he displayed that on his stag do. I wouldn’t be surprised if this isn’t the first time he’s did it again since then.

I wouldn’t be surprise if it doesn’t work out. It’s sad for the OWs kids as well having this new man foisted upon them. What a mess.

It’ll be difficult but you’ll get through it and one day he’ll probably wake up and realise what he has lost.

Just read all your updates, that’s unbelievable he hasn’t even met her. How daft are they? Whatever happens with those two you’re well rid.

It sounds like you’re handling this brilliantly btw.

This screams mid life crisis /infatuation.
He doesn't love her- he just thinks he does.
However- he's made the call- get him out before he realises what a nob he's been and tries to talk you round.

And her? Moving a man she has never met into her home with her children.
It may be as one PP suggested...he's a device to poke the ex she split up with five weeks ago. A new man...any man. She clearly isn't discerning...or concerned for the kids' safety.

And him? Leaving his own son to shack up with someone else's kids 300 miles away when he has never met them??

What a pair of dumbfucks.

I think telling everyone what has happened is a great strategy for not being tempted to take him back when he inevitably realises his catastrophic fuck up and comes wheedling back looking to re-establish the comfort of his old life.

It's not just the betrayal but the sheer stupidity. I could never accept a stupid man.

Stay strong and stay angry

Firstly a big hug. He's an utter spineless bastard.

Secondly tell him that you want him out asap. Sort finances and contact PAS regarding support for your son.

We all know that it won't work with Tik Tok woman and he will come crawling back. Tell everyone what he's done, including the most gossipy person you know.

And his family.

You can do this xx

My responses in a nutshell....

Lawyer up.
Move quickly and take back control of this situation.
Do not allow him to weasel his way back into your life. The pain and betrayal will only ramp up as he thinks youre disposable and he has the upper hand.
Good luck! You sound absolutely lovely. Chin up and keep moving forward. It feels very hard in the moment, but I promise you and your lovely boy will be happy again. Life can and will only get better. Lots of love and unMumsnetty hugs xxx

The biggest problem here is that clearly this loopy TikTok nonsense won’t pan out, he will be back and you will probably take him back.

However hard it is you are doing it OP!

We can do hard things.

Lots of help on here. https://www.chumplady.com

This too will pass & better things will come your way.

Burn his clothes or throw bleach on them.

Key his car, spray it with the words "cheating bastard"

Shred his passport

Destroy his hobby items (pour water on his xbox etc)

Tell his work he is a pedo.

Go see a lawyer.

In that order.

Yes, I thought that as well.

I’ve read some unbelievably stupid things that blokes do - this has to be near the top. I think he’s going to realise very quickly - if it is genuine - that he’s made a huge mistake. If he’s being conned - oh dear.

And why can't he leave now? Points towards him being catfished never meet, not yet etc middle aged man etc etc

If he won’t leave voluntarily, wait til he goes to the shops/work and call an emergency locksmith to change the locks. If you’re feeling nice then pack him a bag with essentials and his passport if you’re lucky he’ll emigrate I probably wouldn’t pack anything though.

The fact he can't leave yet is very telling!

Oh OP, I am so sorry you are going through this. What an absolute tool, running off to live with someone he has never met after chatting for 5 weeks!! Madness!

I agree with PP's, tell everyone you know and hold your head high, this is not on you. Find a lawyer and file for divorce and hold firm when he inevitably arrives back on your doorstep in 3 months time begging for forgiveness.

Your poor son, and also her poor kids! Mum is leaving their dad and moving another man in 6 weeks later!! Do not let your son go and stay in that house, you just know your ex will want to play insta-families with him and the other kids and that will be AWFUL for him 😢

Yes, that’s a good point. What an idiot.

That was in response to bowl of noodles. There is definitely something very strange about this and he’s too stupid to realise.

I also think move quick. Currently he probably feels guilty so might be more reasonable about finances but that will wear off. Especially when the “love” affair with Little Miss Tik Tok crashes. Before you know it will be woe is me and a pity party for one

WTF?

He thinks he's getting a younger tastey bird to bed 🛌 I Hooe it's somebody in nigeria asking him for gift cards and laughing manically at him.

Yep.

But the cheek of it 🤯🤯

@stomachcramps id think carefully on whether it’s a good idea to let him stay in the house tbh.
I mean he’s just told you he wants a divorce and has someone else lined up. Why would he even think it’s ok for him to stay?

Um...nah.

I had a giggle but I'd advise against it 😂😂 karma will deal with this 100%

He’s an arsehole and the shame is his to hide not yours. You are right to tell everyone that you’re divorci and why.

Of course he’ll be wanting back in 6months and you’ll be so over him by then you’ll realise you’re happier.

Well he sounds like a completely selfish twunt

You however - sound marvellous!
Good news re separate bank accounts, you being higher earner, friends & family you can lean on and 6 weeks holiday coming up to give you and ds time to process - focus on those positive points - plus the fact you won't have to deal with his crap for the rest of your life

Agree tell as many people as possible - do not let him back out. And tell him to start packing

Keep that righteous anger and grey rock the hell out of him