Husband has announced he's leaving me

[stomachcramps]

Hey 👋
I've been on Mumsnet since 2010 and I've posted many times previously and notably in times of crisis.
I've always received wise words and a handy hold.
Excuse my jocular tone - I think I'm just in shock.
I posted back in 2012 when my husband cheated on his stag do.
I ignored most of the advice given and stayed with him.
We've had our ups and downs but I'd consider it, up until now, to have been a successful and happy marriage.
He sat me down earlier and just said: I need to talk to you.
There's someone else.
That's it - He's leaving.
Not now, but soon.
Upping and going.
He cried loads. I was emotionless and motionless.
Mumsnet - you're famous for helping women to get their ducks in a row. What do I need to know? Be wary of?
We have an eleven year old who starts high school in September.
(D)H plans to move 300 miles away to be with the fifteen years newer and shinier model of me.

Yes, it's not the age, it's the clear difference in your levels of psychological maturity. He sounds like he's never grown up, and you've been forced to 'mother' him. I do hope you can get out relatively unscathed, and find someone who you really deserve, as I think it's highly likely he's going to backtrack and expect you to carry on as before. Stay strong, OP.

Same age gap as me and my husband, not massive at all unless, like you say, the husband is an immature bastard.

I just really want to hug you, you're amazing.

It's not always a 50:50 split. It starts at 50:50 but when kids are involved a larger share sometimes goes to the resident parent as they need to house themselves and the child/children.

I could be wrong but I hope the age gap also works in OPs favour. Her idiot husband has more working years left before retirement than she does.

I wonder why he should have waited? 🤔

He is probably sensing now that perhaps things aren’t what they seemed. He may start to panic.

And what sort of idiot thinks a woman with two children, is going to invite a man she met on the internet but never in person, to live with them? Your husband sounds spectacularly stupid as well as completely selfish op.

I am crossing every finger that he will soon be at the ‘find out’ stage.

He hasn’t committed adultery. He and the OW have never met.

He’s such a stupid idiot to leave for this. OW is now thinking fuck he’s coming here to live and I’ve not met him and he’ll be living with his parents and then try crawling back to you. But he’s shown you his true colours and you will do better without him and he’ll have nothing.

6 years is not a big age gap, it's the fact he is so immature that is the issue. Good luck

Oh yes of course. Doh.

Give him the couple of weeks to move in with her I'd say and also get him to discuss he's cheating via text

What Court thinks is irrelevant if op and her ex reach agreement between them

@Endoftheroad12345 this isn’t true unfortunately. A judge will review the proposed financial split and approve or disapprove it if he/ she thinks it’s unfair. It happened to my sister - in her favour though.

I thought he'd already gone. But he's still hanging around like a bad smell... I bet he's absolutely shitting himself right now. He's got an idea in his head, decided that it's 'real' and he's heading off to a lovely new life - and now the lovely new life isn't quite as keen as she purported to be. And his wife is, very rightly, not going to back down and take him back.

Strike financially while the iron is hot. Because the reality of life is about to come calling for him, when this Tik Tok woman doesn't want him (I'd almost take bets that she's actually got someone else that she left her husband for) and he can't go home...

He's very immature Op, he'll never cope with this new life, the OW won't be able to pay his bills and being a carer is hard work, he won't know what's hit him. I wonder if the OW was unhappy and this online fling was her fantasy, she doesn't sound very keen for him to leave.
I think he may end up with your ILs again Op because he just can't/won't be a responsible adult, he's always charmed his way through life but this time he's really blown it.
Not your problem, you worry about you and your DC Op, you're doing really well, stay strong

just so you know, it doesn't matter who's name is on the documents as registered keeper, legally, the car belongs to whoever bought it/paid the money.

if you can prove you bought the car, then you can argue it belongs to you.

My ExH and i had this when we divorced as he bought my car, but i paid for his.. we mutually agreed to 'swap' but either of us could have claimed the others car legally if we'd wanted to be assholes.

If he owns half the house she can’t just change the locks. Or she can, but she has to give him a key to it! She can’t just lock him out

You must be brave OP. If Tik Tok Tracey has told him he should have waited, then she is not the one pushing him to leave. I imagine, his rectum is twitching like a mad thing and his future plans are looking shaky. I think he will ramp up the charm, blame a moment of madness, beg you to forgive him and eventually blame YOU for breaking up the home because you won't forgive him.

Stay strong, you will never be able to trust him.

Sounds a bit like the Tic Tok Tart has fooled him...

You come across as a resourceful and resilient woman, OP. However shit it feels now, I'm confident you with weather this and come out the other side with you and your DS just fine. All power to your elbow!

Manchild won't, but that's his problem.

NB - It might be worth saving the link to this thread for when you need to remember what he put you through.

He's the love of my life. (Until I adopted my son)
Maybe that's what it comes down to, this man is only happy if he feels like he's the child, the one who's being indulged?

OP you are well shot of him.

Keep going. One step at a time.

Calm and happiness lies ahead after this storm blows over

I wonder if his bedroom at his parent’s house is still football themed.

Wel he'll find out soon enough when he is living there because Tik Tok Tracy has told it's moving too fast

Tell him to stay at his parents when the holiday ends and you will go and collect your son. Your STB Ex might as well get used to his old bedroom because it sounds like he’s going to grow old there. Tik Tok Woman has barely left her husband and thinks it’s ok to move in a new man who she hasn’t even met into an home with her children? Even she might be getting cold feet. Dump that fool and rebuild your life. Even if Tik Tok Woman dumps him you’ll never trust him again. Good luck OP 💐

TikTok Tracey the TikTok Tart 🤣

Imagine if this woman changes her mind about him moving in with her kids so soon. I know you're probably used to it, but try not to lean on him for emotional support if you can. Stand back a bit from it because you don't really know what the future will bring with this yet. One step at a time