Husband has announced he's leaving me

[stomachcramps]

Hey 👋
I've been on Mumsnet since 2010 and I've posted many times previously and notably in times of crisis.
I've always received wise words and a handy hold.
Excuse my jocular tone - I think I'm just in shock.
I posted back in 2012 when my husband cheated on his stag do.
I ignored most of the advice given and stayed with him.
We've had our ups and downs but I'd consider it, up until now, to have been a successful and happy marriage.
He sat me down earlier and just said: I need to talk to you.
There's someone else.
That's it - He's leaving.
Not now, but soon.
Upping and going.
He cried loads. I was emotionless and motionless.
Mumsnet - you're famous for helping women to get their ducks in a row. What do I need to know? Be wary of?
We have an eleven year old who starts high school in September.
(D)H plans to move 300 miles away to be with the fifteen years newer and shinier model of me.

Wow op you sound amazing, your son is very lucky. You’re on the clock though- you need him firmly evicted before this woman realises he’s not a catch and tosses him back. If he’s still in the house he might realise what a good thing he’s into and dig his heels in then. So you might have weeks, but let’s face it- you might only have minutes.

@stomachcramps

Have you been able to get in touch with a solicitor, OP?

I would advise that you see one as soon as you can.

https://solicitors.lawsociety.org.uk/

No advice as I have never experienced what you're going through, but just wanted to say you sound a lovely, level-headed and great mum. He doesn't deserve you, keep doing what you're doing and take some of the great advice on this thread. I'm rooting for you and your son x

agree.

Also, all the prep you've done with DS for the transition from Primary to secondary is not wasted, it will stand him in good stead. He will have a whole new experience to discover and take his mind off things. You have six weeks to plan some nice outings with him, we used to call them Big Days Out and he can help plan them. Maybe take him away for a few days if you can. Anything to distract you both and make the best of the summer holidays. I know this is a stressful time for you, but you will get through it and with a mum like you, so will your boy.

Tell him to pack up and move out immediately.

Find a good solicitor

Have a look at a benefits calculator

Get as much paperwork together as you can eg copies of savings/assets/investments/salary details

File a claim with CMS as soon as he goes

Reach out to gingerbread the single parent. Charity

I take it he's not interested in shared custody as he's moving a 5-6 hour drive away.

Factor the above in when discussing equity in the house with your solicitor;you'll be solely responsible for housing your child whilst his housing needs are met as he'll be living with a new partner.

He is not your friend right now and is doing the wolf in sheep's clothing routine;don't trust him.

Be wary of him trying to rewrite history and blaming you for his affair to others.

Tell you friends and family in simple terms.X and I are separated;he's been having an affair and is moving to X place with OW.

Be aware that unfortunately you'll have some people who you thought were friends show their true colours during this;some people are just unkind and will talk behind your back;ditch these people;your true friends will be worth their weight in gold.

Good luck to you

As others have said he leaves today
You spend a day in shock, tell people who you need on side
Next you get a solicitor and get all your paper work together
You do not reply to his messages /calls if they come
You rally the support you have around d you and you start to realise him leaving was the best thing for you. Good luck op

Good for you!

Edited as I can’t delete, I see the OP already answered this

I agree with pp about acting fast. You need him out.

I’d almost bet money on it not working out with Tick Tock Tart (TTT) and he will very quickly decide he’s made a mistake and perhaps he’ll stay after all.

What a serendipitous fact that he’s soon going to be at his parents, near TTT.

“You’ve made your choice, husband, you might as well pack your stuff and I’ll drive up to collect the kids on Tuesday. No point in putting it off. Why don’t you get the cases down from the loft?”

You’ve got a best friend you can message at 7am. You’re winning at life and will be FINE xxx

What a heartless, selfish wanker he is.
I'm so bloody hurt. My heart feels like it's aching.

He really is. I'm so sorry, OP.

Depending on your relationship with them, I’d tell your in-laws so they know to expect him to stay.

Blast this wide open.

On a separate note;who the fuck moves a practical stranger they've never met in person in with their kids?;for all the tik tok bint knows your stbexh could be a drug addict/alcoholic/wife beater etc

You sound lovely, level headed and wise! Please don't let that turd break the spirit you have! Get into bed with a cup of tea or coffee ☕️ and let yourself sob and cry order some take away don't cook today op anything that makes the day less psychically challenging then I hope you get ANGRY and absolutely determined to hold onto your possessions and home and free yourself of that roach

It sounds like a mid life crisis infatuation. I suspect he will ultimately come crawling back, or at the very least, it will not last with her.

That said, where your future ultimately goes is totally up to you.

He sounds like he needs a shake and a lot of therapy. I'm very sorry and wish you strength.

He's never met her?

I'm mind blown.

He's going to be miserable OP.

You are amazing. You will be just fine x x x

Aw nah, he's going to be one of those embarrassing men doing tik tok duet dances in his work uniform, thinking he's the shit isn't he!

You'll have to give us the tiktok handle so we can go and take the piss!

If this does happen I will also make an account and participate lol

Well said.
OP, you sound like you’ll cope fine - although it’s a terrible shock. You’re rightly focused on your DC and how to support him. Your H needs to be gone soon - lord knows what his parents are going to make of this. I’d be horrified if my DS did this.

Get him to sign over that house double quick. Men like this can eventually turn very nasty financially.

No real advice but just here to send a big virtual hug. They sound like a pair of idiots, this is definitely going to end in regret. It may not feel like it now but you will come out stronger. Despite the fact he's entitled to stay in the marital home I'd kick him out... would be more than cheeky for him to want to stay there after this

Wait he’s never actually met her? What?!?

Well that’s all going to go horribly wrong isn’t it.

Buy I have a feeling you’ll be just fine OP. You really will.

I wouldn't let him stay, I'd kick him out now...

I'm so sorry this is happening to you 😭

As much as an arsehole as he is, I’m guessing he wasn’t born yesterday. As the lower earner with lower future earning potential he’ll presumably be pushing for more than 50% of marital assets?

You also need to immediately transfer half of any joint savings into your own accounts and get your name off any joint credit cards.

Just wanted to share some love. You WILL get through this. As will your son who is lucky to have you. I'm glad you have each other X