Husband has announced he's leaving me

[stomachcramps]

Hey 👋
I've been on Mumsnet since 2010 and I've posted many times previously and notably in times of crisis.
I've always received wise words and a handy hold.
Excuse my jocular tone - I think I'm just in shock.
I posted back in 2012 when my husband cheated on his stag do.
I ignored most of the advice given and stayed with him.
We've had our ups and downs but I'd consider it, up until now, to have been a successful and happy marriage.
He sat me down earlier and just said: I need to talk to you.
There's someone else.
That's it - He's leaving.
Not now, but soon.
Upping and going.
He cried loads. I was emotionless and motionless.
Mumsnet - you're famous for helping women to get their ducks in a row. What do I need to know? Be wary of?
We have an eleven year old who starts high school in September.
(D)H plans to move 300 miles away to be with the fifteen years newer and shinier model of me.

Nothing to add to the excellent advice you’ve already had. I just came on to say your ex is the most colossal cunt I’ve ever had the misfortune to hear of, and to mark the thread so I can come back and laugh like a drain when his ridiculous little fantasy comes crashing down around him.

And please God, if there’s any justice in this world, let this be a catfish.

Just wanted to chip in and say you sound magnificent. Good luck for your journey through this.

He'd absolutely deserve it

He sounds crazy they haven’t met. Marriage can be a long haul but…
Anyway I’d ask him for space, tell him to go elsewhere for a few days. Look on gingerbread for single parent advice. I wouldn’t tell your son until your dh has met the woman! Because he could backtrack. I’m not sure I could forgive if he does a u turn though. Which I think is likely. You sound shocked op I’m sure anger will hit. Remember to look after you.

It's in the OP her husband has told her he has another woman now and is moving 300 miles away to be with her!

Wow! How ridiculous, this will go terribly wrong.

Please can you kick him out now! Tell him to get in his fancy car and start the 300 mile drive.

Loser.

I fucking LOVE this!

@Ashadav and he hasn't even met her yet!

It was to early maybe I read it wrong 😕

Good riddance to the cunt!
Look on the plus side, you won't be stuck with the stupid fucker in old age.
You just need to figure out how to protect your assets and pension from his grasping hands.
And how best to support your DS.

Dear fucking god, this is one of the madder affair scenarios I’ve heard. TikTok?? how can any “relationship” be incubated on that platform?

Well OP you clearly are a smart, resilient woman. He’s a deluded moron who only progressed in life with you pushing him along. Hold your head up, the shame entirely his.

In a couple of months you and your son will be fine, thriving and happy. It may be a bit grim getting there but it’s obvious you will. He, meanwhile, will have his head in his hands back in his football themed bedroom, mourning over bonfiring his life.

It does sound like he could have been catfished, so you need to get legal advice asap and protect your assets. Do you have a joint bank account? Is there anything else with your joint names?

She could be a 40 something man living in his mum's basement. Have you ever seen the show Catfish? Can you imagine if she didn't actually exist?

Exactly. The trash is taking itself out. I'm sure after the initial hurt wears off OP will feel a huge weight off her shoulders.

I hope you have some useful advice. I haven’t read through all of the responses, but my contribution is this

Don’t get angry and try to throw him out, however much you feel like it. At present he is upset and concerned for you and probably feels guilty. He is very likely to be more willing to give up his claim on the house, capital etc, right now than at any other time. Use this time wisely to get the best for you and DC. Try to get a commitment in writing - yes it might not hold water in court, but he would have to go back on his word to try to change things. Good luck.

Well fuck me. What a grade 'A' cunt that husband of yours is.

You've had great advice from brilliant PP's already so I can't add anything other than to say we are rooting for you 100% OP.

From what you've said about him (when you met him: 30 at home with M&D, living in his football themed bedroom, you pushing him to learn to drive etc) indicates he's learnt nothing along the way during your marriage. Still the man-child.

I hope he gets syphilis, that his dick shrivels up, that his balls turn black and drop off. Fucker.

I think you've only just heard yourself. And need time and space to think.

Its not vital to tell everyone. So I would keep it to a trusted, very small, very helpful circle for now, until you are ready. The more people you tell, the more you will have to deal with their reactions when you are still processing your own and trying to formulate your future. I think it would just be too much at once.

It is vital to speak to a solicitor and get ducks in a row and make your plans. And it would be a great idea to get DH out of the way for now, even if its temporary so you have time and space to do this and you don't have to listen to him wanting to "talk".

You don't want other people telling him anything. eg a friend might tell her DH who is a mate of your DH.

Or people saying something to your son about it before you have all the info you need and before you've had a good chance to think about how to approach it.

He'll definitely be back with his tail between his legs. I hope you don't have him back as the disruption will be even worse for dcs. Plus you'll never trust him. You sound switched in though.

Find some UK AI divorce documents and get him to sign over the house and agree to super high maintenance while he is feeling guilty. There are supposed to be some fabulous sites out there. Check out reviews. Will save you thousands in solicitors fees. Ensure that they are legally binding documents. Threaten to call his mummy. Fucking idiot man. (Then call his mummy anyway.)
ALSO ensure you speak to your all your friends and family so you are not isolated. Don’t try and protect him in the hope that he will see sense and come back to you. He doesn’t deserve to be protected. He deserves to be humiliated for behaving like an embarrassing midlife crisis walking cliche.

@stomachcramps - I wish I had some wise words for you - but better heads than mine have posted on here, so all I will say is that you are an amazing person, and your DS is lucky to have you. I just wish I could come and give you a massive hug.

I know people are suggesting he is being catfished, and I would love this to be the case, I just can't get my head around someone ending their marriage and moving 300 miles away from their vulnerable child for a 5-week virtual affair on Tik Tok? Surely there is more to this? If she lives in the next village to his parents then could he have already met her previously and the ridiculous Tik Tok story is not as it seems?

Tell as many people as you possibly can. His family, your family, work mates friends.
So he doesn’t get in first with his “poor me” made up story.
Good luck with your new future. Bigger and better things.

So sorry this has happened to you and can understand you being in shock. However, any man who can leave his child and move 300miles away doesn’t deserve to be a parent. I don’t know how any man could do that. My late husband would have cut his own arm off before leaving our daughters.
You are well rid of him.

My first thought when I read that they only know each other via tiktok too.

This “relationship” has no legs. If he isn’t being catfished, then it wouldn’t surprise me if this OW is horrified that he has told his wife he is leaving. In all likelihood, the OW was having a bit of flirting/fun online, maybe to get over her own relationship breakdown, and OP’s H has gotten carried away.

No woman moves a man into her house with her children who she hasn’t even met!!

What a fucking idiot, odious man he is.

I think there's a high chance this won't work out. Either way your relationship is over - how could you ever trust or respect him again?

For the sake of your adopted son, I think the best thing that could happen now is that his ridiculous tiktok dream doesn't work out and he moves back to a house in the same town as you and carries on being a parent.