Husband has announced he's leaving me

[stomachcramps]

Hey 👋
I've been on Mumsnet since 2010 and I've posted many times previously and notably in times of crisis.
I've always received wise words and a handy hold.
Excuse my jocular tone - I think I'm just in shock.
I posted back in 2012 when my husband cheated on his stag do.
I ignored most of the advice given and stayed with him.
We've had our ups and downs but I'd consider it, up until now, to have been a successful and happy marriage.
He sat me down earlier and just said: I need to talk to you.
There's someone else.
That's it - He's leaving.
Not now, but soon.
Upping and going.
He cried loads. I was emotionless and motionless.
Mumsnet - you're famous for helping women to get their ducks in a row. What do I need to know? Be wary of?
We have an eleven year old who starts high school in September.
(D)H plans to move 300 miles away to be with the fifteen years newer and shinier model of me.

Tell them right now. Tell him to leave your home immediately.

He’s not just leaving you - he’s leaving your child and moving 300 miles away so he doesn’t need to deal with the consequences of his actions.

Tell people immediately so that everyone knows and he can deal with the fall out before he leaves.

Also, you need support now and your daughter needs support. He’s abandoning her right when she needs him. This is likely to be very difficult on both of you.

Some of the advice on here is utterly dreadful. Please see a solicitor asap. If your house is a joint mortgage then legally I'm sorry but you can't just kick him out, he has right of entry unless and until you get an occupation order (which it doesn't sound like you have grounds for). Try to keep it amicable as possible (I know it's hard) because I'm assuming you're going to want an order to keep the house until your daughter is 18 and he will have to keep paying the mortgage etc, and it's far easier to get this if he is reasonable and agrees.

I remember that. Lady Sarah Graham-Moon. They lived in Lambourn.

Well it's not often that someone's behaviour on here leaves me speechless, but good god. What an absolute bellend. She's no prize herself either if she can look at a man who's blown up his family and is abandoning and potentially retraumatising a child of trauma who he has made lifelong promise to for a 5 week tiktok fling and think "oooh yeah, this is the man I want to shag and bring into the lives of my own two children". Dear fucking holy god. What a pair of weapons grade, room temperature IQ chuckleheads.

I'm so sorry OP, this is beyond the pale. I hope you're getting some good sleep now, I think you should be immensely proud of yourself for handling this with the grace and strength that you have. Wishing you and your son strength, healing and peace for the road ahead.

I'm so sorry OP. You have your head screwed on right though and are doing the things that most people really struggle with - use the anger to get shit done, tell everyone, strike while the iron's hot and leverage his guilt while you can (it won't last long,) and steel yourself for when he tries crawling back.

If it is the marital home you can’t just kick him out. It doesn’t matter who’s name is on the mortgage or deeds.

Sending you lots of love and strength OP. It’s shocking a man can throw his family away for a TikTok woman he hasn’t met. It shows his character. You sound amazing and your son is lucky to have you xxx

I'm so sorry, op. I don't have any practical advice but I would think kicking your horrid DH out today and telling DC as soon as possible are the best first moves. DC will need time to process this and it's best it doesn't clash with them going off to high school.

I write this as a man.

He is an unbelievable dickhead. I'm sorry you missed the clue with his football themed bedroom at 30 years of age. He has clearly never grown up. I suspect he never will.

I genuinely cannot imagine how he could even contemplate dumping your DS, knowing what he has already been through. It's so bloody cruel. I've read this thread just getting more and more angry towards him. How the fuck does he think co-parenting is going to work with a 300 mile distance between you?

You've had some good advice here, especially LAWYERS - NOW! I sincerely hope you thoroughly screw him over; he deserves everything coming to him for being such a brainless loser.

Congratulations on getting rid of the worst thing in your life. Everything else about your life sounds amazing, don't let this stupid snoring manchild drag you down.

Make sure he actually leaves, because there's someone far better for you out there. In fact, probably just most men in general would be an upgrade.

@stomachcramps

Im so sorry he's done this.

Please, please get specialist help for your son. Given the trauma background - if he still can't sleep even now, it's still very real - this is going to have serious and possibly severe effects on him.

You have so much to do now, but this needs to be one of the ones at the top of the list.

Just looking at google I found this: https://www.annafreud.org/get-involved/networks/uk-trauma-council/

It's worth ringing them and asking for their advice and if they know a -skilled- (and sane) specialist near you.

At a guess with the level of trauma your son went through he will have a difficult adolescence anyway. Two loving stable parents through that time would have helped form a framework of stability and safety that would have carried into adulthood. It might not have been enough to make everything easy, but might well have been enough to permanently influence and form him, and make things easier for him at least.

That won't happen now. He will have you, but it's crucial now is to get the right help. 10 - 14 is, I'm afraid, a very difficult time to lose a parent even without earlier traumatic events.

Please do talk to his new school and lay out the situation. They need to know.

Again, Im so sorry that this has happened. Sending you strength. Please actively take care of yourself - you'll need it. Do you have strong friends and family who can help?

I have no practical advice to add that you haven't already received.

Just, get this selfish prick to move out asap. You obviously prioritise your son, so your prick of a husband can swan off to his fancy piece and you and your son will be fine. It'll be hard, but there's no going back from this. The fact that he has even seriously thought about doing this is enough. Good luck.

Agree. Head up OP; you’ve got nothing to be ashamed of.

100% he will be back, possibly within a week.

Love this

My ex (thank god I never actually married the cunt) ran off with my (then) best friend

What he didn't know was that she had mental health problems,was a drinker and loved a sesh of drugs (we where friends but I never saw her taking drugs,that's not my thing but I knew she took them-her choice)

He was thinking with his dick (don't they all) and she liked what she saw with him

It lasted a full 6 weeks-he was a cocklodger and her mother (who she lived with and the mother thought she farted rainbows and glitter) saw through him and refused to allow her to pay his way

Once the sex wore off,so did the novelty-they had nothing but a sexual drive in common

Then,a few days before Christmas,they somehow managed to burn their house down-they where upstairs,sleeping off the last drugs binge and where very lucky to get out alive

It ended their relationship (which was on its last legs)-her and mummy had to go to the council to be re-homed and as he wasn't on the tenancy the coucil refused to help him-he was dumped and homeless

Tried to come snivelling back to his family (id just had his baby) and I still take pleasure in the fact I told him to jog on (he ended up living with his ex wife for a few days until she got fed up and chucked him out)

She tried to get back in touch with me a few years ago-i felt such pleasure in hitting the block button (I know her-ill be the unreasonable one)

Fast forward a few years and he just vanished-hes been missing for well over 10 years

He'll be fine-cocklodging from another vulnerable woman knowing him

@NonPlayerCharacter he's already cheated on her on a stag do.

I would be the one moving out and doing it asap. He can't move 300 miles away if he suddenly has sole custody of your child. You can go for 50% custody when things settle down.

Men like this need to be held accountable immediately.

It's for him to tell your child, not you OP.

for the sake of the already-traumatized child, I think the OP should tell him. She'll make a much much better job of it.

Honestly, what a prize bellend. And the OW - left her husband five weeks ago, immediately started a relationship with your husband, is now planning to move away with him? Yeah no that's not going to end well.

Your husband appears to be an immature manchild though and - although I'm fairly positive he'll soon see the error of his ways - it sounds like you'd be better off without him anyway, seeing as you're the emotional and financial 'grownup' in your relationship. Even your reaction to his decision to leave you comes off more like an exasperated mother than a distraught betrayed wife. You deserve a real life partner, not this idiot.

I wouldn't let him tell the child, god knows what stupid spin he would put it on to justify his actions or worse somehow blame OP.

Explain the 'moving 300 miles away' part. I don't understand parents leaving a relationship and assuming the other parent will pick up all their slack. I would be saying 'a 600 round trip journey 3/4 times a week will be tiring for you, what days suit'. I split custody 50/50 with a (generally/ great dad, just because you find a new partner doesn't mean you can abandon all commitments!

Fair play op
Get his pathetic arse gone

I'm so sorry to read that you are going through this.

solicitors.lawsociety.org.uk/