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Threesome went wrong

838 replies

Cherryblossom85 · 22/07/2024 10:29

Hi all I'm posting this for a couple of reasons really.
One being I have noone else to get this all of my chest too as I haven't told any friends about it and Two to warn other how a potential threesome could go.

So here goes
I've been seeing a man for about 9 months, he has always treated me very well all the things I had been looking for including No games. Grounded. Mature. Kind . Funny and we have always just clicked from day one.

A couple of months ago we spoke about sexual fantasies his being a threesome, he said he would never make me feel pressured to do this though & was happy for it just to be a fantasy. As time went on I felt more comfortable with him sexually & said I would like to explore this with him .
He was clearly very excited & got to work straight away on joining dating sites & sites aimed for swinging / threesomes.
I left all that side to him as I'm not really into messaging people back & forth.
Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago he msg me and told me he has found someone, she would like to explore with us as a couple

He sent me the conversation between them and the photos they had exchanged, it was all very open and he said I could change my mind at any time ( which I have felt I can do)
We had arranged to meet her this friday just gone.
The past 2 weeks leading up to it, she is all he has spoken about it was like he was obsessed , i just said to myself well once it is out if his system maybe he wint be going on and on about her so much.
To cut a long story short ... we met her friday evening, I found her very attractive and there was an instant chemistry between us.
We all chatted for a while and then she made it clear she would like to take things further that evening so we booked into a hotel.
The thing is , she seemed very keen on me and was all over me , kissing touching etc. The man I'm seeing was initially into it he then turned and said to her can I join in now and she said no not yet I just want to be with her for a minute , so he respected that.
As things progressed she only wanted me , I stopped and asked her are you actually gay? Or not attracted to my boyfriend? That's ok if either of those things are correct however we were after a threesome, she then kissed him for a while and they started doing other things together ... I could see her actually wince though as if she just was not attracted to him in the slightest ... she kept turning back towards me and when he put his hand on her leg to get involved she said no and moved his hand off her.
It was all a bit awkward however I was quite enjoying being with her , I looked over at my boyfriend and he looked very angry , I had never seen him like this before!
She then went to the bathroom and he turned to me and said that he doenst want the threesome to continue and that he was going to offer to pay for her cab.
He was very short with me and it was clear he wasnt having a good time so I agreed.
When she came out of the bathroom I was polite and friendly and said it wasnt working for us as a couple and we would call her a cab. I was so embarrassed about my boyfriend's behaviour as he was grumpy now and didnt speak to her before she left. I walked her out to the cab gave a hug and said goodbye.
When I walked back into the hotel room my boyfriend was very cross and said shes obsessed with you! I said to him I'm so confused this is what your fantasy you have said for a long time that you wanted to see me with another woman .I understand she was more attracted to me then him however I couldnt help this.
Anyway his behaviour has now given me the ick and I dont think I want to see him anymore!. We went to sleep that evening and the next morning we went for breakfast he moaned about how expensive the bill for breakfast was ( it really wasn't) I had never seen him behave like this before now.
I offered to pay for it just to keep him quiet and to stop the moaning although it was his turn to pay as we often take turns.
I paid for the breakfast we got up to leave and his whole attitude was miserable. I tried talking to him and he was having none of it , again something I've never seen in him before as we have always communicated well.
By Saturday afternoon I was ready to go home , we had the weekend planned together but something had switched inside me after seeing him like this and I made my excuses and said I needed to get back as my children were coming back early . I made it up but I just had to leave , I couldn't stand to be around him.
I feel like theres no going back from this.
Any advice over what to do please?
Thanks in advance

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Pictureperfect9 · 24/07/2024 17:25

samanthablues · 24/07/2024 17:12

Personally I haven’t.

Nope

kkloo · 24/07/2024 17:27

samanthablues · 24/07/2024 17:12

Let’s say the OP had this (very common) fantasy of having 2 guys pleasuring her, let’s say she finally managed to convince her reluctant BF into a threesome. Let’s say some handsome guy showed up and she was left there feeling like a third wheel because the guys turn up to be more into each other than more into her. Now she opens a thread on MN because she’s pissed of that the guys didn’t fulfill her fantasy and they where there to enjoy themselves (how dare they?).

personally I would tell her to get a life, not everything is about her, and if she wants to find two people to fulfill that long time fantasy of hers she needs to clearly communicate this to both men or hire a male sex worker.

It's different when someone is reluctant and has been pressured into it in the first place, but the OP wasn't reluctant.

yousexybugger · 24/07/2024 17:35

politicalintrigue · 24/07/2024 17:08

@roses321

have you never gone along with something in a sexual experience that you’d rather not but you carry on because you worry about his reaction or you just think… i’ll carry on and it will be over quicker

I have
many have

But she didn't do that (rightly) so the point isn't relevant.

What she did was decide she didn't want to continue with him, not voice it, and carry on with the woman instead, expressing it through grimacing and pushing. He accepted that and called it off.

Fine to express you don't want sex in any way. However it's not really ok to continue with the person's partner in front of them without agreeing the change.

If the sex dynamic makes this too hard tfor posters to transpose feelings involved, imagine this happening with three women instead. The one being left out is likely not to be happy about it.

This isn't about consent and her right to say no. That is a given and she exercised it. It's the more complicated area of managing a group encounter in a tactful way for everyone if you lose interest in one member. It isn't to home in on their partner and text them after. I don't think people get, that isn't really normal if contacted by an existing couple. Again. Imagine it's three women.

The mans behaviour afterwards was wrong etc but he hadn't, as far as we know, done anything wrong at the point he started being pushed away.

samanthablues · 24/07/2024 17:35

kkloo · 24/07/2024 17:27

It's different when someone is reluctant and has been pressured into it in the first place, but the OP wasn't reluctant.

She seemed to have been “reluctant” at the beginning but then changed her tune (what I’m gathering for her post). Everything was pretty consensual IMO, but he was not honest about his “real expectations”, he thought the ladies would be all over him like the god he is 🤣😂🤣

CountessWindyBottom · 24/07/2024 17:40

Cherryblossom85 · 22/07/2024 15:15

Ok as so many of you are so clearly invested ... I'm really surprised actually at how supportive people have been on here! Bar the few judgemental ones
Here's an update
Hes eventually txt me back & the msg has literally given me the answer I needed , it's over.
Amongst other things that he has said he blames me for ruining his fantasy that he has had his whole life , he said she shouldn't of found you that attractive.... um pardon me ? Hes then gone on to say he didnt think I would enjoy it as much as I did as it was "his" fantasy & watching me get so turned on by the unicorn has hurt his feelings. He has now said that he has found someone else already on another dating site who is willing to have sex with him and I watch .... I just said absolutely not and I've had to end it.
Obviously ive msg a bit more than that but the point is ive ended it. I cant believe how much my life has changed since friday evening 🤦‍♀️ I feel like hes used me to try to fulfil his fantasy. I'm done.

Edited

What an absolute wanker! He has really proven that his was all about him without actually factoring your pleasure or experience into the equation at all. And then being so immature and spiteful as to try and manufacture another situation where you're simply to follow his instructions. Aside from showing himself to be pathetic and immature, he has shown himself to be controlling and spiteful so I'm glad that you've kicked his pathetic ass to the curb.

It sounds like you had real chemistry with the other lady so it's exciting that you're meeting up again! And a much more exciting proposition to explore your sexuality without a snivelling third wheel doing pouty faces in the background. Hope you have lots of fun.

MaidOfAle · 24/07/2024 18:06

politicalintrigue · 24/07/2024 17:08

@roses321

have you never gone along with something in a sexual experience that you’d rather not but you carry on because you worry about his reaction or you just think… i’ll carry on and it will be over quicker

I have
many have

Too often, because I didn't want to say "no" and then find that he was a rapist...

I have no idea why some people find this a hard concept to grasp.

Pictureperfect9 · 24/07/2024 18:23

MaidOfAle · 24/07/2024 18:06

Too often, because I didn't want to say "no" and then find that he was a rapist...

I have no idea why some people find this a hard concept to grasp.

Sorry to hear that, hope your ok. There's a school of thought nowadays that women should be free to explore sexual experiences with random men they don't really know without putting themselves in danger. This will never be a safe bet & for obvious reasons. It's precisely why I believe women are best to never ever put themselves in that position(no pun intended)

EBearhug · 24/07/2024 18:34

Pictureperfect9 · 24/07/2024 18:23

Sorry to hear that, hope your ok. There's a school of thought nowadays that women should be free to explore sexual experiences with random men they don't really know without putting themselves in danger. This will never be a safe bet & for obvious reasons. It's precisely why I believe women are best to never ever put themselves in that position(no pun intended)

What if some of us accept there's a risk and go for it anyway?

samanthablues · 24/07/2024 18:38

Pictureperfect9 · 24/07/2024 18:23

Sorry to hear that, hope your ok. There's a school of thought nowadays that women should be free to explore sexual experiences with random men they don't really know without putting themselves in danger. This will never be a safe bet & for obvious reasons. It's precisely why I believe women are best to never ever put themselves in that position(no pun intended)

Talk for yourself. I’m in my 40’s, I’ve shared many sexual experiences with random men I didn’t know (it’s called casual sex with no strings attached) and never had a problem. I don’t regret one second of it. It doesn’t mean that hooking up with strangers is 100% safe, you need to have your wits about it, filter them and be careful of course! The same thing can be said about driving, backpacking alone or mountain biking. Everything has risks. The only way of being 100% safe is staying at home (Try to avoid going online as you might get catfished).

Fedup4500 · 24/07/2024 18:47

Cherryblossom85 · 22/07/2024 10:29

Hi all I'm posting this for a couple of reasons really.
One being I have noone else to get this all of my chest too as I haven't told any friends about it and Two to warn other how a potential threesome could go.

So here goes
I've been seeing a man for about 9 months, he has always treated me very well all the things I had been looking for including No games. Grounded. Mature. Kind . Funny and we have always just clicked from day one.

A couple of months ago we spoke about sexual fantasies his being a threesome, he said he would never make me feel pressured to do this though & was happy for it just to be a fantasy. As time went on I felt more comfortable with him sexually & said I would like to explore this with him .
He was clearly very excited & got to work straight away on joining dating sites & sites aimed for swinging / threesomes.
I left all that side to him as I'm not really into messaging people back & forth.
Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago he msg me and told me he has found someone, she would like to explore with us as a couple

He sent me the conversation between them and the photos they had exchanged, it was all very open and he said I could change my mind at any time ( which I have felt I can do)
We had arranged to meet her this friday just gone.
The past 2 weeks leading up to it, she is all he has spoken about it was like he was obsessed , i just said to myself well once it is out if his system maybe he wint be going on and on about her so much.
To cut a long story short ... we met her friday evening, I found her very attractive and there was an instant chemistry between us.
We all chatted for a while and then she made it clear she would like to take things further that evening so we booked into a hotel.
The thing is , she seemed very keen on me and was all over me , kissing touching etc. The man I'm seeing was initially into it he then turned and said to her can I join in now and she said no not yet I just want to be with her for a minute , so he respected that.
As things progressed she only wanted me , I stopped and asked her are you actually gay? Or not attracted to my boyfriend? That's ok if either of those things are correct however we were after a threesome, she then kissed him for a while and they started doing other things together ... I could see her actually wince though as if she just was not attracted to him in the slightest ... she kept turning back towards me and when he put his hand on her leg to get involved she said no and moved his hand off her.
It was all a bit awkward however I was quite enjoying being with her , I looked over at my boyfriend and he looked very angry , I had never seen him like this before!
She then went to the bathroom and he turned to me and said that he doenst want the threesome to continue and that he was going to offer to pay for her cab.
He was very short with me and it was clear he wasnt having a good time so I agreed.
When she came out of the bathroom I was polite and friendly and said it wasnt working for us as a couple and we would call her a cab. I was so embarrassed about my boyfriend's behaviour as he was grumpy now and didnt speak to her before she left. I walked her out to the cab gave a hug and said goodbye.
When I walked back into the hotel room my boyfriend was very cross and said shes obsessed with you! I said to him I'm so confused this is what your fantasy you have said for a long time that you wanted to see me with another woman .I understand she was more attracted to me then him however I couldnt help this.
Anyway his behaviour has now given me the ick and I dont think I want to see him anymore!. We went to sleep that evening and the next morning we went for breakfast he moaned about how expensive the bill for breakfast was ( it really wasn't) I had never seen him behave like this before now.
I offered to pay for it just to keep him quiet and to stop the moaning although it was his turn to pay as we often take turns.
I paid for the breakfast we got up to leave and his whole attitude was miserable. I tried talking to him and he was having none of it , again something I've never seen in him before as we have always communicated well.
By Saturday afternoon I was ready to go home , we had the weekend planned together but something had switched inside me after seeing him like this and I made my excuses and said I needed to get back as my children were coming back early . I made it up but I just had to leave , I couldn't stand to be around him.
I feel like theres no going back from this.
Any advice over what to do please?
Thanks in advance

Has he been in touch? X

Secondstart1001 · 24/07/2024 21:24

Cherryblossom85 · 22/07/2024 20:01

Yes I am but just for a chat / lunch during the day ro actually get to know one another nothing sexual :)

Well I think this has more potential, she sounds lovely and if you had some chemistry and you click then why not? It sounds like it was so natural between you both! Good luck x

MaidOfAle · 24/07/2024 22:03

Pictureperfect9 · 24/07/2024 18:23

Sorry to hear that, hope your ok. There's a school of thought nowadays that women should be free to explore sexual experiences with random men they don't really know without putting themselves in danger. This will never be a safe bet & for obvious reasons. It's precisely why I believe women are best to never ever put themselves in that position(no pun intended)

It's the boyfriends who I've felt unable to say no to, not the hookups. The hookups have actually been pretty decent, bar one.

I don't think it's appropriate to blame anyone other than the person who ignores "no" for a rape or sexual assault.

Fedup4500 · 24/07/2024 22:04

MaidOfAle · 24/07/2024 22:03

It's the boyfriends who I've felt unable to say no to, not the hookups. The hookups have actually been pretty decent, bar one.

I don't think it's appropriate to blame anyone other than the person who ignores "no" for a rape or sexual assault.

May I ask a question? X

samanthablues · 24/07/2024 23:20

@Pictureperfect9 Sorry to hear that, hope your ok. There's a school of thought nowadays that women should be free to explore sexual experiences with random men they don't really know without putting themselves in danger. This will never be a safe bet & for obvious reasons. It's precisely why I believe women are best to never ever put themselves in that position(no pun intended),

You're in much more danger with boyfriends, husbands and ex's, those kill women waaaaaay more often than Tinder hook-ups.

Secondstart1001 · 24/07/2024 23:33

Ladies please be careful - we have a male on here sending unsolicited DM’s.

Cherryblossom85 · 24/07/2024 23:45

Secondstart1001 · 24/07/2024 23:33

Ladies please be careful - we have a male on here sending unsolicited DM’s.

Yes I had to block him twice fedup4500 and hes got another account too ending in 4500

OP posts:
Cherryblossom85 · 24/07/2024 23:45

Fedup4500 · 24/07/2024 22:04

May I ask a question? X

Fuck off you freak

OP posts:
Cherryblossom85 · 24/07/2024 23:46

Fedup4500 · 24/07/2024 22:04

May I ask a question? X

This person sends vile dms

OP posts:
Cherryblossom85 · 24/07/2024 23:48

Fedup4500 · 24/07/2024 18:47

Has he been in touch? X

Yes he has , rtwt :)

OP posts:
AutumnFroglets · 24/07/2024 23:48

Report the DMs and let the admins deal with it. Sorry you are having to deal with vile creeps on here.

Cherryblossom85 · 24/07/2024 23:50

AutumnFroglets · 24/07/2024 23:48

Report the DMs and let the admins deal with it. Sorry you are having to deal with vile creeps on here.

Thank you

OP posts:
StaunchMomma · 25/07/2024 00:01

Another one that needs banning!

Screenshot his DMs and post them, the dirty bastard.

dontcryformeargentina · 25/07/2024 00:48

Persiancouscous · 22/07/2024 10:59

Get yourself on Fab after dumping him. 😂

What's Fab please? Never heard of it

EBearhug · 25/07/2024 00:53

Fab swingers. Website for swingers.

If you're a single woman on there, you will be absolutely inundated.

dontcryformeargentina · 25/07/2024 01:06

EBearhug · 25/07/2024 00:53

Fab swingers. Website for swingers.

If you're a single woman on there, you will be absolutely inundated.

Thank you!

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