Feel really hurt and used

[roses321]

I don't think this is anything new to be honest but I just wanted to vent on here.

I've been single for just over a year, I haven't slept with anyone or bothered with trying to pursue a relationship, but I met this one guy recently and he seemed great. He said all the right things, seemed to really have a good set of values and was extremely respectful.

Long story short, I ended up going home with him on Saturday night and we slept together. I left on Sunday morning and he did text me, but barely, and it was nothing to do with the weekend we spent together or anything else. It was about things in the news or TV shows he was watching.
By Sunday night I kind of felt like shit, and I felt quite used even though there was no reason to feel that way - I'm a grown adult, I made a choice, and I went into it fully aware that he might tell me he didn't want to see me again. I would have been disappointed, but I could have handled it.

What I didn't foresee at all, was him just NOT addressing it, not saying anything, not giving me any indication of whether he wanted to see me again, or even acknowledging that it had happened.

I decided that I didn't have anything to lose, so I laid my cards on the table and told him I had a lovely time with him, thought he was a great guy, and I had fun etc.

The response I got made me really mad. Literally not even an acknowledgement of anything I just said, just "oh I had a hangover yesterday and felt shit" (we went out drinking) and then a "anyway got to go to work, chat later".

I told him that frankly chatting later wasn't necessary. He then followed up saying he found my earring on his bedroom floor and I said don't worry just bin it. He sent me a laughing emoji and just an "ok".

Excuse me but WTF. Is it too much to expect someone to behave like an actual adult and not just run away from acknowledging that yes, we slept together and just be honest and upfront if you don't want more? I'm really fuming. I feel so angry about it and utterly suprised since this is NOT what I expected him to behave like, it is completely out of character with how he presented himself, completely childish and I have just decided to not utter one more word to him, as much as I want to verbally bite his head off, I know that it'll do me no good whatsoever so I won't bother.

Seriously though WHAT THE HECK? You dont' have to want a relationship with someone to behave like a respectful human being ffs.

Yes yes if you scroll up you'll see i had all that yesterday. Don't care.

Funny, my first thought after reading the Op's posts was Baby Reindeer. All this drama and angst over absolutely nothing. Sex is an enjoyable pass time. It's not something you give up and he takes. It doesn't need to be over analysed with much hand wringing afterwards. If you are going to date, you really need to chill out a bit. I'm assuming this guy is wondering what the hell he has done wrong right now.

Well this comment is totally unnecessary.

Up until you started being rude to this poster, I agreed with you.

Lmfao. Apparently i'm dramatic and we're now going full martha.

Shall i stand outside his house later? I've only messaged him 5 times (in response to his messages) since. I have about 41,995 messages to catch up on. Best get on it.

Sadly in today’s world of dating, this is totally the way it goes, and it’s absolutely Infuriating. They lie and manipulate knowing full well they only want to get into your bed. And then they do a slow fade or ghost

genuinely, I’ve stopped dating because you just can’t trust any man you’re dating. And if I do date again at some point, absolutely no way on earth am I sleeping with them for a lonnnnng time (and I don’t care what peoples views are on this; im simply not gonna do it!)

of course there are guys who will treat you well but they are super far and few in between that it’s just not worth it

With you on this one.

Oh dear, how will I ever live.

I think you're right about him. Sounds like he knew mummy was going away and started preparing someone for a night of shagging when he had an empty. He's now just trying to keep you warm for the next opportunity. He definitely isn't communicating like someone who wants it to go anywhere purposeful.

However, reading your follow up post about his life, child etc. I think you swerved a massive bullet and can just put this one down as the one with the massive schlong.

He is definitely going to be one of those stories that I wheel out over a glass of gin. It is definitely hall of fame.

I know that the evening crowd are revving up their engines to start the lambasting again but honestly i liked the fact this thread turned into a less serious and more humorous thread.

I'm fine now to be honest, i've accepted the situation, i'm over the outrage and I see the funny side of the situation now. It was just disappointing at the time.

Off home now - I will update if there are more developments on this story.

@roses321 Lmfao. Apparently i'm dramatic and we're now going full martha.

Sorry to break you the news OP, but yes you are. You've met this looser guy three times and slept once with him (on his single bed at his moms house). So far the only thing he has going on for him is the size of his c-ck, yet you're having a tantrum because he's not responded with a text full of heart emojis saying he wants to see you again.

OP: please take a step back before you continue dating... you may want to get to know them a bit more before shaggin them. Absolutely nothing wrong with shaggin some looser in his mums basement on a drunken third date but please don't let the pheromones get the best of you and cloud your judgement.

Let's be honest: If you slept with someone and liked them, is this how YOU would behave? And if so, why?

To me, it is the essential difference between men and women in heterosexual relationships.

OP said the sex was ok and she hoped it would get better. He wasn't chasing (any more) but probably open to repeat performances.

It's just a mismatch of expectations.

I for one would like to know how you can know how someone will react in advance, a handful of dates into a relationship. I don't judge anyone who sleeps with someone early on but I do judge anyone surprised when someone they do not know very well behaves in a way they do not expect.

There just cannot be any universally agreed ways of relating to each other. You either take a chance and risk disappointment or you discuss upfront and try and find a way to validate what they say they will do. You can build a picture of what they are like and how they will behave but you can't really be sure, can you? How can you?

Calling it anything other than mismatched expectations is .. well, I don't really have the words for that other than setting yourself up for disappointment. Sorry.

I’ve had one of these OP. Yes, it’s the mismatch between their before messages with their after ones. It becomes so transparent it was all a routine. I hate it too. If feels like an affront to my dignity and also an affront to my perception of reality — which having been in an abusive relationship too, in which my sense of reality was attacked, really matters to me.

I'm sorry this has happened, OP. I haven't dated in years, but I can remember how cunty they are.

But by god, you have made me laugh. You have a wonderful turn of phrase 😂

no wonder he’s not messaged you then ay?

Rosie, a classy young woman like you can't be dealing with a loser like that. Thank God he's gone all avoidant to save you the trouble. Jeez.

She's great, isn't she? And I love all the men queueing up to flame her but getting a right tongue lashing instead. Team Roses321!

I don't judge anyone who sleeps with someone early on but I do judge anyone surprised when someone they do not know very well behaves in a way they do not expect.

This is brilliantly well put.

Men are from Mars women are from Venus

Brilliant thread. After a thoroughly shite few days, @roses321 you've brought a smile to my face with your wit, eloquence and uncompromising stance on shite men. And let's face it ladies, we're surrounded by the fkers
#singleloudandproud ✊

Well if you were capable of reading English you'd see that is not the case. If you're going to insult someone make sure it's factual first. Rule 1 of being a rude arsehole is be an accurate rude arsehole.

LMFAO.

OK LADIES - UPDATE!

So firstly:

Because of this wonderful poster I have changed his name in my contacts to "Mr Coke Can Dick". I like the vibe.

Secondly, Mr CCD didn't message me last night, I went to the gym though and ran myself ragged so by the time I didn't get home I couldn't have given a tinkers fig if i'm honest with you.

HOWEVER: Mr CCD did decide to pop up this morning and can you all guess what he said?

"Hey, how are you?"
"hope you have a great day!"

I'm starting to be concerned about the quota of withering looks I have been given in life, because this was certainly worthy of one of them.

So far I have ignored his message. Bear in mind here: He has STILL not addressed MY message from Sunday night, still completely ignored it. So we're now 4 days post opening a shaken coke can and he's still messaging me the same crap every single day.

It isn't that i'm not grateful to be wished a nice day...but I am at this point concerned about him. I'm concerned that after I left on Sunday, he hit his head and his vocabulary was lost except for a few words.

Does anyone remember how it used to be when you paused a VHS video? We're looking at that kind of communication here.

For those who think i'm having a "tantrum", can I please cordially remind you that women having feelings does not equal having a tantrum, I know it's terrifying, I know it's frowned upon, I know it's absolutely outrageous to have any issue whatsoever and also own a vagina, but can you please take your bodices off for a minute and fan yourselves - we are in 2024 now now 1824.

Yeah this. OP sounds very angry. The bloke sounds like he was trying to be light-hearted and casual.

He text saying he had to go to work and would text later and @roses321 replied saying "not necessary"?!

It can't just be me that thinks that's really rude?!