Feel really hurt and used

[roses321]

I don't think this is anything new to be honest but I just wanted to vent on here.

I've been single for just over a year, I haven't slept with anyone or bothered with trying to pursue a relationship, but I met this one guy recently and he seemed great. He said all the right things, seemed to really have a good set of values and was extremely respectful.

Long story short, I ended up going home with him on Saturday night and we slept together. I left on Sunday morning and he did text me, but barely, and it was nothing to do with the weekend we spent together or anything else. It was about things in the news or TV shows he was watching.
By Sunday night I kind of felt like shit, and I felt quite used even though there was no reason to feel that way - I'm a grown adult, I made a choice, and I went into it fully aware that he might tell me he didn't want to see me again. I would have been disappointed, but I could have handled it.

What I didn't foresee at all, was him just NOT addressing it, not saying anything, not giving me any indication of whether he wanted to see me again, or even acknowledging that it had happened.

I decided that I didn't have anything to lose, so I laid my cards on the table and told him I had a lovely time with him, thought he was a great guy, and I had fun etc.

The response I got made me really mad. Literally not even an acknowledgement of anything I just said, just "oh I had a hangover yesterday and felt shit" (we went out drinking) and then a "anyway got to go to work, chat later".

I told him that frankly chatting later wasn't necessary. He then followed up saying he found my earring on his bedroom floor and I said don't worry just bin it. He sent me a laughing emoji and just an "ok".

Excuse me but WTF. Is it too much to expect someone to behave like an actual adult and not just run away from acknowledging that yes, we slept together and just be honest and upfront if you don't want more? I'm really fuming. I feel so angry about it and utterly suprised since this is NOT what I expected him to behave like, it is completely out of character with how he presented himself, completely childish and I have just decided to not utter one more word to him, as much as I want to verbally bite his head off, I know that it'll do me no good whatsoever so I won't bother.

Seriously though WHAT THE HECK? You dont' have to want a relationship with someone to behave like a respectful human being ffs.

Maybe you should text him and say 'hey mr coke can dick' my day has been great thanks, am on a date this evening looking forward to it!' Hope your well. Just to see what he says maybe.... I wonder if he will respond to that 🧐🧐

It crossed my mind, but here is what will happen:

• It will make me look like a slut. I was an accidental slut on Saturday night due to bad judgement. I do not wish to extend that impression any further.
• It will be obvious. He will see straight through it and it's the kind of thing I did with guys when I was like 17. It doesn't work. It's pretty transparent.

Giving no information is far better in my view, plus I prefer to be honest with people and not lie in order to make them jealous. I think we've established that Mr CCD has a set number of fucks to give with regards to investment of time and energy. They are split into "before Saturday night" and "Saturday night".

I mean i'm still laughing about people saying i've thrown my dolls out on this one because it's not rocket science to respond to someones message saying "yeah I had a nice time as well". It's cracking me up that peoples personal standards dictate that if a guy goes cold or puts minimal effort in after sex, or ignores your message acknowledging it and saying "thanks for having me over" it means "something might happen". Naaahhhh.

If I'd offended the guy THAT much, he wouldn't still be sending me messages. If I hadn't had the "tantrum" people are claiming I've had, then he'd STILL be doing the same thing and sending the same messages.

He's hiding behind the curtain and waving because he thinks i'm going to cling to him like a limpet if he gives ANY sign he had a good time or acknowledges it. That is what the issue is here. His cowardice. I find it utterly mind blowing how folk think that pushing back on that and showing no tolerance for it is somehow MY problem. If I'd sent him 5 paragraphs of bullshit and a tirade of messages after he hadn't replied for 1 hour I'd totally agree, but I don't remember that happening despite being "Martha" from baby reindeer now.

Insanity.

its 2024 and people are still having tantrums OP, just like the one you’re having now because some looser living in his moms basement didn’t get back to you with heart emoji messages. Ego is hurted, it’s ok to have a tantrum. Enjoy it, but please don’t get all pissy with him for having the emotional intelligence of a jelly fish. Have you thought that maybe all his brain is capable of is just the two same word response? Yep, not everyone is as sharp, witty and fabulous as you.

No you clearly aren't are you Samantha.

Jelly fish actually make extremely complex decisions - here is some information on them:

They possess a complex visual system that allows them to navigate the swamps in which they live and have what can be called a central nervous system and a brain. They're not merely passive floaters and the behavior patterns they exhibit are not simple reflexes but rather well organized. For example, when they're staring into the heavens they're actually seeking navigational guidance.

It stands to reason then Samantha that if I am a jelly fish, I certainly recognise a passive floater when I see one.

Jesus. You don't make any sense. You talk about having standards while also calling yourself a slut. You simultaneously think other people have low standards yet have victorian attitudes (or whatever it was) because they think you're making a big deal out of nothing.

You think you've made a big stand about this guy, yet he's still texting you mundane crap because you haven't even addressed your issue with him. It's obviously not that deep for him. He's still blissfully unaware that you expected to be personally thanked by text for giving him the gift of having sex with you. The daft bugger probably thought you were doing it because you wanted it too.

It's not fucking slutty to have sex with someone. If you feel like a slut, then that's your own internal misogyny doing that. Not him. Just block him and sort your head out.

Would you like his number Holly?

If anything the coke can may dislodge the broom that you seem to have accidentally landed on.

It's not me who has a stick up their ass over sex.

But yes, give me his number. I will tell him what your problem is with him, seeing as you are incapable of doing that for yourself.

Well according to you the messages weren’t worth receiving so it’s as good as 🫶

So tell me... do you think that "telling him what the problem is" will change his behaviour? Nah. Me either, and in any case, that ship has sailed.

At the end of the day, I've come here, I've told people HERE what my problem is, there have been some widely varying views on whether I am justified to have any problem whatsoever.

Some think yes it's acceptable for me to have been pissed off, some think I'm Martha from Baby Reindeer, and some, like yourself think I have a "stick up my ass" and are clearly die hard feminists in all the wrong ways.

People aren't complicated are they? If you want something, you'll make time, if not, you'll make an excuse.

I'm actually quite enjoying the fact that what was originally me being kinda pissed off with misjudging a guy, has turned into a rather funny post that has made light of the entire situation and become a sort of funny "running saga".

Except some people still want to show up and lambast me for having had a feeling over a situation. I mean this is the internet, and I guess that does happen.

If you screw guys then don't care about it afterwards, that is entirely your prerogative. I guess what I've learned from this experience (after 15 years in LTRs) is that I'm not built that way.

That actually, if I go home with a guy who I think has a solid character, and whom I can at LEAST rely on decent communication from then actually I'm good regardless of whether it goes somewhere, or it doesn't. If I couldn't handle the idea he'd say "thanks but no thanks", I wouldn't have gone home with him - I would have appreciated the respect given to open communication and honesty.

I chose to communicate with him myself and he ignored it, if you don't think that's a problem then I really do not know what to tell you, but I see it as a form of disrespect and cowardice. Why? Because regardless of whether sex was casual or within the confines of a relationship, it means something to me and is something I shared with someone consensually.

You can disagree until the cows come home, but all absolutely nothing, not even your extremely irritating attitude, will change my mind on that. If you want to spend the rest of your day arguing with a stance I will not relinquish, I will be flattered by the effort.

I think this is pretty balanced and fair.

It probably is exactly that. I guess in my mind I just cannot imagine a situation where a person just IGNORES your message and changes the subject, refuses to acknowledge etc.

Yeah in my world that is rude af.

I don't get naked with people at work, but I acknowledge them even if they have said something I don't agree with. If you were to ignore someones email or someone talking to you in a meeting and instead just change the subject, you'd get some people looking confused and it'd be seen as kinda rude.

The idea that you could go home and sleep with someone then literally ignore someone when they try to acknowledge it with you kind of doesn't work with what I am looking for. That's really the conclusion.

I don't necessarily think he's a "bad guy", I just think he's another low effort man and I probably fell for what I made him into in my head, then add some alcohol and job done. That's what's actually happened here.

But why should he change his behaviour? There isn't a right or wrong attitude to have towards sex. His is just not compatible with yours. That doesn't mean he has done anything wrong. You aren't in a relationship.

Clearly it is very important to you for sexual encounters to be conducted in a certain way. But the onus is on you to find sexual partners who share those sentiments. You had three dates with this guy. Three. That is barely enough time to scratch the surface of getting to know someone, let alone have sex with them when you have such strong feelings about the act.

Work on yourself rather than blame other people for your regrets.

I’ve got an image of a very ordinary man going about his days, having casually hooked up with a woman at the weekend, feeling quite relaxed about it all, maybe eating a sandwich and thinking about cheese, sending the odd friendly message but just getting on with other stuff, completely oblivious to the fact that he has provoked a woman into fury and generated a huge thread on mumsnet. Unaware of the range of emotions- hurt, anger, shame then back to humour that the op has gone through and the amount of brain space he’s occupying.

I concur. Lol.

At the end of the day some people view sex as nothing. These days it's just normalized.

I value it though maybe because i was also in a ltr that ended.

For me I ask loads of questions about what they are looking for and of course they're intentions and of course they can still lie so I am not bothered dating right now.

It's a minefield that I have absolutely no interest in. I like honesty,directness and it's just not there. If a guy just wants fun that's fine that's his choice but at least give me a choice in the matter. I deserve that at least.

Tbh a guy who lies and manipulates in the hope you'll have sex is nothing but a pathetic POS and my vagina would close up at the sight of him.. its my body and i wll not be fooled into anything. That kind of manipulation just doesn't sit right with me and yes it's been going on since the start of time but does that make it ok? No in my book.

I refuse to believe that this post was written by a woman. Absolutely refuse.

I thought my standards were low, but this post makes me feel a whole lot of better about myself.

IMO he's not that into you but doesn't have balls to be honest so hell feed you this pointless small talk. waste of time!

Wait… how about man with big Ck is more level headed than OP and before getting all lovey dovey and start sending hearted text messages he’s planning to get to know the OP a bit (because in 3 dates is not enough time) and see if he likes her enough? How about he’s trying to figure that out?

(Terrifying possibility, I know)

@MillyNair well I'm a woman and I completely agree with the poster you quoted. The OP had a few dates and then had sex. It's hardly Romeo and Juliet. I can't understand why she is tying herself up in knots over this.

But Samantha....

That isn't what this is about love.

Who the fuck said anything about Romeo and Juliet?

There are a whole raft of people on this thread who have run off down some rabbit hole where I expected something i never said I wanted.

I'm sorry is Romeo and Juliet somehow about honest communication now?? Being a straightforward ADULT?

I'm fairly sure actually Daisy, that Romeo and Juliet both ended up dead because of a complete lack of fucking communication, so how you've come to this conclusion absolutely baffles me. Did you read Romeo and Juliet? Or like this post, did you just read the footnotes, jump on a bandwagon and decide to form an opinion?

I cannot imagine how bad your grades must have been girl.

Phew… I’m starting to think guy with BC had a lucky escape.