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Original poster

Partner being sketchy a week before our wedding

147 replies

ame888 · 15/07/2024 10:30

I need some advice.I’m due to get married next week and this weekend I found out my partner did the following things:

  • Saturday evening: Whilst at his bachelor party, he contacted several escort services, apparently ‘for his friends’ (most of them are in relationships) apparently he did it as a joke as he thought it would be funny, and told me that no one turned up to the house
  • He told me that they only went to a regular club. I found out he lied to me and that 3 of the group went to on to a strip club in the early hours of the morning and my partner got a dance (there no was touching, they were just on a pole in front of him)
  • Sunday morning: He messaged salons about ‘intimate male waxing’ then deleted all the messages (said he wanted to surprise me for the wedding by being waxed)
  • Sunday afternoon: While I was hanging up his washing in the living room, he watched x-rated videos and pleasured himself in our bedroom. I heard the shower going and walked into a dark room, his iphone torch was turned on and I went to turn it off and saw the website. I had already been intimate with him in the morning, but clearly this wasn’t enough. I would never had found this out if I hadn’t gone in the room.

I just find it such weird timing to find all of this out the week before our wedding and I don’t know if it’s a sign? He has been cheated on before and has always said cheating is the worst thing that anybody can do. I don’t believe he has ever cheated on me, I mean the world to him and when he’s had really low thoughts I am the one thing that’s helped him pull through.

However, this all doesn’t sit right with me and I’m trying to see it from an outsiders perspective as I have such an emotional connection to him, any advice would be much appreciated.

OP posts:
Regalia · 15/07/2024 10:33

Well, there’s no way I’d even contemplate marriage to someone who sees no issues with using prostitutes (whether or not they were ‘for’ his friends) or goes to strip clubs. He sees women’s bodies as commodities to be purchased.

pinkyredrose · 15/07/2024 10:36

Why would you marry someone who lies to you?

MistyGreenAndBlue · 15/07/2024 10:38

Regalia · 15/07/2024 10:33

Well, there’s no way I’d even contemplate marriage to someone who sees no issues with using prostitutes (whether or not they were ‘for’ his friends) or goes to strip clubs. He sees women’s bodies as commodities to be purchased.

This.
He's showing you who he really is before you commit to him. Seeing what you will accept from him.

If you marry him after this, it'll only get worse.

SamW98 · 15/07/2024 10:38

Absolutely no way would I be walking down the aisle with a man who thinks using prostitutes is ‘a joke’, goes to strip clubs ans is a habitual liar when caught out.

He sounds like a grubby little misogynist who thinks women are commodities to be bought for his own entertainment. Hes showing you he has no respect for women - believe him.

My vagina would be clamped shut and locked at the thought of him - yuk

Sunshineafterthehail · 15/07/2024 10:39

In tor shoes call it off. Easier to cancel a wedding than get divorced. He won't change op. Well maybe he will for the worse...

TheCultureHusks · 15/07/2024 10:42

Don’t marry him. You’ll regret it.

TwoThousandAcresofBlueSkyThinking · 15/07/2024 10:43

He has been cheated on before and has always said cheating is the worst thing that anybody can do.

Did he tell you that? IME it's a warning to you not to cheat. People who partake of certain behaviours think others do the same but they don't like it being done to them, hence the warning.

Please be very careful with this one. The red flags are screaming out at you.

It may have been intentional that you 'found' all this evidence.

Ilovebees · 15/07/2024 10:43

@ame888 he seems to be bit of a liar to be fair , why would he lie about the night club when he indeed went to the strip club ? Yes it would hurt you if you knew the Truth but why did he do it then if he knew you wouldn’t like it ? That’s the point ! And I don’t know , you haven’t really got any proof that he’s done anything major wrong like cheating etc but if he can lie to you , then you just never know what else he has lied to you about …. Maybe he went to strip club because he knew that this is his last chance to be man child , “free” in his mind before he gets married and all that stops ? Specially if he didn’t do anything just watched , yes it’s very naughty but it doesn’t matter if you’re married or not , other people are still going to be attractive and nice to look at , what matters is what you do with it .

OldKingCole · 15/07/2024 10:45

TwoThousandAcresofBlueSkyThinking · 15/07/2024 10:43

He has been cheated on before and has always said cheating is the worst thing that anybody can do.

Did he tell you that? IME it's a warning to you not to cheat. People who partake of certain behaviours think others do the same but they don't like it being done to them, hence the warning.

Please be very careful with this one. The red flags are screaming out at you.

It may have been intentional that you 'found' all this evidence.

This - 1000 times over.
do not marry this man.

pinkchristmaspudding · 15/07/2024 10:46

Please do not marry this man. You'll never rest easy wondering what he's upto when you're not around - either at home or elsewhere.

yellowsmileyface · 15/07/2024 10:47

I think I would seriously consider calling off the wedding. You know he's already lied to you about some of the details, so there's really no knowing what he has or hasn't done. Nobody contacts escort services "as a joke".

I know it must feel like a really difficult decision to consider with the wedding being so close, but as another PP pointed out it's much easier to call off a wedding than to divorce.

PashaMinaMio · 15/07/2024 10:48

Do not marry this bloke.
If you do and have babies with him, when your sex life might take a down turn, you know what he’ll do don’t you.
Take heed of what we are telling you.

Gooseysgirl · 15/07/2024 10:48

Sorry OP, red flags everywhere here 🙁 I would not go ahead with the wedding.

SeeSeeRider · 15/07/2024 10:49

SamW98 · 15/07/2024 10:38

Absolutely no way would I be walking down the aisle with a man who thinks using prostitutes is ‘a joke’, goes to strip clubs ans is a habitual liar when caught out.

He sounds like a grubby little misogynist who thinks women are commodities to be bought for his own entertainment. Hes showing you he has no respect for women - believe him.

My vagina would be clamped shut and locked at the thought of him - yuk

Edited

@SamW98

My vagina would be clamped shut and locked at the thought of him - yuk

Mine would totally heal up! Dear OP PLEASE PLEASE DON'T MARRY THIS UTTER CREEP. YOU CAN STILL BACK OUT.

TemuSpecialBuy · 15/07/2024 10:59

the fact you are posting on here and have actually said you are thinking of calling the wedding off IMO means you probably should.

I would feel the same as you as there are a lot of red flags here.

its a difficult decision but a lot easier and less miserable than a bad marriage and then divorce

lowflyingtitties · 15/07/2024 11:13

You need to raise your bar with your expectations of men. You are going to have a lifetime of this now he knows what he can get away with.

OrangeAndFizz · 15/07/2024 11:13

This is a man who knows how to contact escorts and he goes to strip clubs. He's used to that sort of thing and will keep it up after you're married.

In my experience, outsiders only see the tip of the iceberg with habits like these along with others like drug use, gambling and excessive drinking.
Their partners end up paying for them one way or another.

He has let you in on his secret world to warn you what to expect and put up with as his wife.

Fortunately it's not too late to back out of the wedding. Nobody but you and he has to know the reason. 'Cold feet' is all anyone needs to hear.

Please consider cancelling for your own peace of mind. You will have a dog's life with this man and you know it.

JFDIYOLO · 15/07/2024 11:14

He and his friends don't believe women are quite human.

Hence buying prostitutes, strip club dancers, using porn.

These industries all use, abuse and destroy women. And a man who uses them is not a man I'd consider throwing my future at. Or having children with.

TemuSpecialBuy · 15/07/2024 11:19

OrangeAndFizz · 15/07/2024 11:13

This is a man who knows how to contact escorts and he goes to strip clubs. He's used to that sort of thing and will keep it up after you're married.

In my experience, outsiders only see the tip of the iceberg with habits like these along with others like drug use, gambling and excessive drinking.
Their partners end up paying for them one way or another.

He has let you in on his secret world to warn you what to expect and put up with as his wife.

Fortunately it's not too late to back out of the wedding. Nobody but you and he has to know the reason. 'Cold feet' is all anyone needs to hear.

Please consider cancelling for your own peace of mind. You will have a dog's life with this man and you know it.

this articulates really well how I feel.

you will also find all this awful behaviour along side things like drinking, gambling coke goes into overdrive the moment you get pregnant.

LittleGreenDragons · 15/07/2024 11:19

He lies. That is enough.

Then add on the fact he doesn't respect women or their bodies unless they can provide a sexual service. I also agree with pp - wait until you can't have sex due to pregnancy/childbirth and he will be calling an escort faster than you can blink.

By the way. HE LIES.

Seas164 · 15/07/2024 11:31

I reckon if you are on mumsnet asking if you should marry him or not, it's a resounding not.

ginasevern · 15/07/2024 12:01

He sounds utterly repulsive. If he really thinks the world of you he wouldn't behave like this - he wouldn't want to. He only thinks the world of you because you sit and listen to all his woes and hang up his washing. Please take advice from an older woman and call the wedding off. I know it will be a right palaver but it will die down much quicker than you think. You will be soooo grateful you didn't go through with it.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 15/07/2024 12:15

I’d also be calling this relationship as well as the wedding off. This is who he really is.

p0pple · 15/07/2024 12:17

Run for the hills

Scrambledchickens · 15/07/2024 12:22

Please don’t marry this man, he sees women as play things. He lies. He won’t change after marriage.
you deserve better x

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