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Original poster

Partner being sketchy a week before our wedding

147 replies

ame888 · 15/07/2024 10:30

I need some advice.I’m due to get married next week and this weekend I found out my partner did the following things:

  • Saturday evening: Whilst at his bachelor party, he contacted several escort services, apparently ‘for his friends’ (most of them are in relationships) apparently he did it as a joke as he thought it would be funny, and told me that no one turned up to the house
  • He told me that they only went to a regular club. I found out he lied to me and that 3 of the group went to on to a strip club in the early hours of the morning and my partner got a dance (there no was touching, they were just on a pole in front of him)
  • Sunday morning: He messaged salons about ‘intimate male waxing’ then deleted all the messages (said he wanted to surprise me for the wedding by being waxed)
  • Sunday afternoon: While I was hanging up his washing in the living room, he watched x-rated videos and pleasured himself in our bedroom. I heard the shower going and walked into a dark room, his iphone torch was turned on and I went to turn it off and saw the website. I had already been intimate with him in the morning, but clearly this wasn’t enough. I would never had found this out if I hadn’t gone in the room.

I just find it such weird timing to find all of this out the week before our wedding and I don’t know if it’s a sign? He has been cheated on before and has always said cheating is the worst thing that anybody can do. I don’t believe he has ever cheated on me, I mean the world to him and when he’s had really low thoughts I am the one thing that’s helped him pull through.

However, this all doesn’t sit right with me and I’m trying to see it from an outsiders perspective as I have such an emotional connection to him, any advice would be much appreciated.

OP posts:
SeatonCarew · 17/07/2024 21:34

Fabulousdahlink · 17/07/2024 19:15

Oh honey. He is just a stupid boy doing stupid boy things the week before the wedding. Men become silly before the wedding they egg each each other on. What's the big deal ? He sent some dumb texts as a joke and then deleted them. He told you. A pole dance is pretty tame tbh. The 'boys' will have 'treated' him on his 'last night of freedom". You need to be a bit more grown up about this. If he had slept with an escort or got tattooed you would know about it - and those would be reasons to call off a wedding. Honestly, this is just dumb bloke stuff they do. They dont think like women do. He was more than likely very drunk and encouraged by his drunk mates to make the calls as part of his 'challenges' on his stag nite.

Dont tell me you dont m#$sturbate when you feel horny and he's not around ? How is him doing this personal to you ? It isnt a personal slight on you, even if you already had s#x that day. He didnt pester you for more , he just did what he did !
Men consider S#x is just a distraction, because they are bored, because they fancy the TV presenter. Theres no personal emotion attached to what he did. He could equally have made himself a coffee, called a friend or played on his game machine.

The more you are in a relationship you realise men think so differently to women about many things. This is not reason to call off the wedding. Just tell him to lock the bathroom door so you dont disturb him. It's ok for you to say you were uncomfortable finding out about it, but really, as a married woman you arent going to be dealing with this on a weekly basis !!

Take your incredibly low standards elsewhere, and practice limboing under them until the end of your days.

SeatonCarew · 17/07/2024 21:36

mamaison · 17/07/2024 20:20

I’m assuming the wax inquiry on Sunday was because he was worried he had picked up pubic lice - while having paid sex with someone who had pubic hair?

Eew! Good spot.

SeatonCarew · 17/07/2024 21:38

PuggyPuggyPuggy · 17/07/2024 21:03

And they all turned up at the same time 🤔

Show quote history

They usually do.

AgileGreenSeal · 17/07/2024 21:41

Dear one, listen to your gut.

See all those 🚩 waving in the breeze?
Trust me, don’t walk away … RUN 😬

TheHuntSyndicate · 17/07/2024 21:43

He's a grubby little oik.

Save yourself the heartbreak and call the wedding off and dump him.

FictionalCharacter · 17/07/2024 21:48

@OrangeAndFizz has nailed it:
*He has let you in on his secret world to warn you what to expect and put up with as his wife.

Fortunately it's not too late to back out of the wedding. Nobody but you and he has to know the reason. 'Cold feet' is all anyone needs to hear.*

Paisleydad · 17/07/2024 21:52

Sketchy = sleazy right?

Opinion here from women with lived experience is pretty overwhelming.

Put yourself first. He won't.

Luckingfovely · 17/07/2024 21:54

You can't trust him. Therefore you can't marry him. The end.

SwordToFlamethrower · 17/07/2024 22:02

It's the lies.

WalkingaroundJardine · 17/07/2024 22:03

Please listen to your concerns OP. I think you would regret marrying him and as others have said, getting a divorce is more expensive and difficult than calling off the wedding.

Iwilladmit · 17/07/2024 22:20

I think he was panicking no one else was ever going to touch his junk. Couldn’t go through with the prostitute and the possible wax was a moment of madness - at least someone will touch it!
The wanking and strip club wouldn’t bother me but the messages to prostitutes would be too far for me.

SavageTomato · 17/07/2024 22:33

Iwilladmit · 17/07/2024 22:20

I think he was panicking no one else was ever going to touch his junk. Couldn’t go through with the prostitute and the possible wax was a moment of madness - at least someone will touch it!
The wanking and strip club wouldn’t bother me but the messages to prostitutes would be too far for me.

Well, aren't you the apologist. Poor ickle man got all caught up in a "moment of madness ". Fuck off with that right now. I remember when a Minister got caught with that exact excuse, he was rightly chucked out.

SummerCam73 · 17/07/2024 22:42

I had similar with my ex. So many red flags for me, paying for some adult site (adultworks), paying on his credit card and hiding it from me. Lying all the time. Not wanting sex when it was offered but watching porn WTF!
I married this man and went on to have a child with him. I wish I had listened to my heart.

DorisDoesDoncaster · 17/07/2024 22:50

He sounds vile. Sorry.

samanthablues · 17/07/2024 23:01

I would post-pone the wedding and tell him you need some time to figure out if marrying is a good idea, if he asks "why?" just tell him what you wrote here and let him know you have a problem with that, just tell him the truth. There's some men out there that tend to be on their best behaviour for some time, but once you're fully invested, married or have a kid (thus "stuck") and they got you trapped their behaviour changes as there's no need to play mr nice guy and win you over. Be very careful who you choose as life partner.

Weatherwax13 · 17/07/2024 23:24

Imagine your feelings on the wedding day. Would you be excited and carefree?
Or anxious and weighed down with the mental images of what you now know?
He's a POS and you've posted for confirmation of what you already know. Thank christ you found out in time.
I'm really sorry, OP, it's such a slap in the face. Who the fuck does he think he is??

ReadingSoManyThreads · 17/07/2024 23:33

So many red flags here.

CANCEL the wedding, and split up.

He's grotesque. You WILL regret going through with the wedding. I can guarantee it.

TriesNotToBeCynical · 17/07/2024 23:37

Paisleydad · 17/07/2024 21:52

Sketchy = sleazy right?

Opinion here from women with lived experience is pretty overwhelming.

Put yourself first. He won't.

It's American for sleazy - don't know if the OP is an American, or just watches American media?

QuackQuackFuckThat · 17/07/2024 23:41

Don’t marry this man. It’s way easier to call a wedding off than go through a divorce. He will cheat on you.

Mrsgus · 17/07/2024 23:42

While I don't agree with the lies, I'm going to go against virtually everyone who has commented already and say a lot of men go to a strip club on their Stag do, but then on the other hand, how many hens have a stripper ? Believe me as a venue owner, the women can be a lot worse at these nights than the men!!
Some men will also go to a brothel, either to spend their 'last night of freedom' literally as that or through peer pressure from their mates but don't fully go through with the deed.
Your last point, I think 98% of men (and a high number of women) masturbate, especially when watching porn. It doesn't mean they don't love their partner, they may just have a higher sex drive or any number of things. Only you can truly know if you can trust him enough that he hasn't 'cheated' or hurt you that much through his lying that you could not forgive him.

Louise303 · 17/07/2024 23:43

He has let his mask slip he probably thinks with a wedding planned and paid for you are not going to back out now. If you do marry him he will only get worse because he knows if he gets away with this and you still marry him you will put up with other things also.

Viviennemary · 17/07/2024 23:58

He sounds like a bit of a perv. Run for the hills. Imagine putting up with this for the rest of your life. Just no.

Justgorgeous · 18/07/2024 00:00

@Mrsgus I gladly don’t know of any men that act like that. I hope if you have a daughter you try and set your bars a bit higher for her sake,

Gorgonemilezola · 18/07/2024 00:02

Come baaaaack, OP.

Owl55 · 18/07/2024 01:30

He should be hanging his own washing up in the living room🤢

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