Partner being sketchy a week before our wedding

[ame888]

I need some advice.I’m due to get married next week and this weekend I found out my partner did the following things:

• Saturday evening: Whilst at his bachelor party, he contacted several escort services, apparently ‘for his friends’ (most of them are in relationships) apparently he did it as a joke as he thought it would be funny, and told me that no one turned up to the house
• He told me that they only went to a regular club. I found out he lied to me and that 3 of the group went to on to a strip club in the early hours of the morning and my partner got a dance (there no was touching, they were just on a pole in front of him)
• Sunday morning: He messaged salons about ‘intimate male waxing’ then deleted all the messages (said he wanted to surprise me for the wedding by being waxed)
• Sunday afternoon: While I was hanging up his washing in the living room, he watched x-rated videos and pleasured himself in our bedroom. I heard the shower going and walked into a dark room, his iphone torch was turned on and I went to turn it off and saw the website. I had already been intimate with him in the morning, but clearly this wasn’t enough. I would never had found this out if I hadn’t gone in the room.

I just find it such weird timing to find all of this out the week before our wedding and I don’t know if it’s a sign? He has been cheated on before and has always said cheating is the worst thing that anybody can do. I don’t believe he has ever cheated on me, I mean the world to him and when he’s had really low thoughts I am the one thing that’s helped him pull through.

However, this all doesn’t sit right with me and I’m trying to see it from an outsiders perspective as I have such an emotional connection to him, any advice would be much appreciated.

He sounds disgusting, if this is how he is in the "honeymoon phase" imagine his antics when he's been married a few years and got bored.
Don't marry him, he's giving you a glimpse of your future and divorce is messy.

This is the easiest thread to answer. If you marry him, you will regret it. No question about it. If you want a long, drawn out, miserable marriage, then marry him. If you don't, don't.

What is your head and your heart telling you? X

Why would you marry someone who lies to you?

This

You meaning the world to him are just words, his actions tell you everything you need to know that his words aren’t true.

Marry him if you want but you have had a glimpse of the real him. Only you can decide if the real him is someone worthy of your love.

He's lied to you. Multiple times. Deleted messages. And so, SO, many times, when they say "cheating is the WORST THING, I would NEVER!!" they're doing it.

Oh HELL no.

This one isn't marriage material my love, chuck him back.

When he says cheating is the worst thing ever, he isn't reassuring you.

He's warning you.

So best case scenario - he thinks it's OK to waste women's time (the escorts) for the amusement of his guy friends, he books dodgy salon appointments, he lies for his cheating friends (to you) (and dont think for a second they don't do the same for him) and he watches porn that you aren't OK with. He's OK with using women as play things and seems to be in some weird sex obsessed phase. And he has shit friends who for some reason, he doesn't shake off.

Worst case scenario, he books escorts for his bachelor party and endulges with them, he's cheated, he lies, he sees women as for male use, he is deviant sexually and its not just a phase, its just only becoming apparent now. He doesn't care about your discomforts and his choice in friends are wholly reflective of who he also is.

I mean, neither are marriage material really.

This

Time and time again on here we hear 'he was always so vocal about how wrong cheating was and how he'd never cheat' and guess what happens.

Men who don't cheat don't need to SAY 'I'd never cheat'. The same way that genuinely nice men never say 'I'm a nice guy'.

It just wouldn't occur to a decent person to say these things. In the same way wed never say 'I'd never kill someone!' Or 'I'd never steal'.

This.

He's fed you a sob story about how he was cheated on and how horrible it was so you'd believe he'd never do it to you. Of course he would. Words are cheap. Look at his actions. And this is just what you've found out. What about the stuff you don't know yet.

And don't underestimate how living with a liar can slowly drive you mad. You'll be questioning everything and watching his every move. Who wants to live like that.

Getting divorced is much harder than getting married, your right to be concerned about these actions and attitudes he has.

I'd be really bothered even by the little lie about the sort of club they were in. If he is an adult then he is old enough to tell the truth about where he was and why he thinks it was ok to go there. In lying he is behaving like a child and treating you like his mum. I would not want to be married to someone who thinks it is a good idea to lie to me about anything tbh. One day you might have real children to care for and you won't want this man baby.

Bottom line - you deserve better! Maybe it's a panic for him getting closer to the day, maybe he wants you to find out so you're the one to call it off, whatever the reason, it isn't the behaviour of someone I'd consider having in my life on any level. The upset caused by calling off the wedding will be much less than the upset you'll have marrying him. Don't do it.

This.

Prepare yourself to accept that there will be a messy few weeks with questions and bits to sort out with vendors but it’ll be walk in the park compared to the married life and subsequent separation. You’ll thank yourself this time next year. Money comes back, heartbreak stays with you forever.

His behaviour is disgusting
I wouldn't forgive the lies and I'd be wondering if there were other things he'd lied about.
Cancelling the wedding is cheaper than a divorce and you deserve better

Please do not marry him.

Short time pain for long time gain. (You will be free of this misoginyst, woman abuser, cheat....).

You sound lovely and you'll have a much better life dumping this creep.

Hmmmm have you ever spoken to his ex? Are you sure it wasn’t him who cheated, because it’s looking that way.

Don't.

By marrying IT you are accepting HIS BAD behaviour.

Stop the wedding

Your gut is telling you something, please listen to it.

He's done you a favour. Cancel the wedding and dump him.

It is SO much easier to cancel a wedding, right up to the very last minute, than have to deal with a divorce!

This is not a respectful man.

You deserve so, so much better.

Life is short, don’t waste it.

Prostitutes and Strip Clubs..... no thanks. Nightmare situation! How long have you been together?

Marry in haste repent at leisure, potentially forever.
However disruptive and chaotic it will be, you have fortunately been given a window into his character. Not just his attitude to women but his willingness to lie.
If you marry him knowing all this, and him knowing you know, not only will you lose self respect but wierdly also his respect, and from now on in you will be the 'mother' figure keeping him in line, like the child he clearly is and he will continue to test boundaries.
And he will keep lying about things big and small.

I would urge you to reconsider and look for a man who is seeking an adult partnership, otherwise you will spend your life distrusting, being paranoid and wrung out by his games... at best.

Don’t marry him, it will only get worse. I wouldn’t care about the porn and maybe he did just want a wax but the first 2 points are enough of a reason to call it off!