Should I give him a chance?

[LaBrasseria2024]

Hi all,

Looking for some dating advice. I have been doing OLD. I am 31 and have been on a few dates with a separated 44 year old with 3 kids.

The dates have gone very well, however he has disclosed to me that he cheated in his marriage and that's why the marriage ended.
He said things weren't going well in the marriage but that's what ultimately ended it.

He told me he wanted to be honest as everyone should get a choice on who they date based on honesty! This occurred 5 years ago.

He then told me the last time we saw each other (Saturday night)that they split up a month after the third child was born!

It dawned on me when I got home he must have cheated whilst she was pregnant 😢😢.. he had texted me and I ignored it as once I realised this obviously i think it's horrible etc.

Over the past few days he sent a few texts which I ignored. Resulting in him sending a big long text saying I have been quite quiet. He thought our date was lovely! If I have met someone else he would prefer to know. He hopes I'm okay etc

I explained to him I realised he cheated when pregnant and it makes me nervous. I said if that's how he can treat the mother of his children, he won't treat me well.

He has said I have a black and white view of relationships! He hasn't hidden anything and can't erase his past. He has done a lot of therapy to come to terms with it and it was a consequence of bad dynamics in his marriage.

He also said he doesn't want to be in a relationship where there is a lack of trust and comprehension of what makes a relationship work and what leads to its demise. If I can't consider that he doesn't want to waste any of our times.

And that he would encourage anyone to learn the psychology of what makes a relationship work to help in finding a match that won't lead the unhappiness.

I would like to add he is a senior barrister so very good at persuading his audience. He is quite the charmer. Knows what to say, how to gain trust etc.

I'm not sure if I should give him a chance or not? I know no one can tell me what to do! But advice would be appreciated! What would you do?

Well done OP.
Keep the msg short. This has been 3 dates. Then block.

Men like him who have huge egos due to their day job and pay cheque are not used to be told no. He will have nothing good to say and you are better not reading any of it.

No more separated/married men.

Onwards.

He's changed his photo just to make it clear to you he's active on the site, hasn't he? It's another manipulation tactic, as he's noticed you pulling back.

Run fast, run far.

Yeah he doesn't want to you to have headspace to think and realise that he's not a good choice. Hense bombarding you with contact.

End it and block him. Just remember you don't owe him explainations. Or chances to headfuck you round. Just a thinks but no thanks text and block.

God. This place is full of wise and experienced women. I wish I'd have known about it young!

Definitely sack this one OP. Chalk it up to experience.

What if you said to him it’s pretty condescending of you to tell me I don’t understand the psychology of relationships. It doesn’t take a PhD in psychology or actually any degree at all to think leaving your wife with a month old baby and 2 older children is a bit of an asshole thing to do. I may not be able to have children but I understand perfectly well that pregnancy and birth are a big deal and babies are a 24 /7 job. So you’re just talking down to me makes me feel like you’d never so much as take responsibility for breaking a glass or not putting the shopping away.

Then leave! He thinks he can get away with anything by talking. Probably thought that about cheating on his pregnant wife.

Just block his number so he can't carpet bomb you with manipulative bullshit.
Then go on with you life, safe in the knowledge that you aren't tied to a love-bombing, high powered attorney who cheats and has massive powers of persuasion.
That's seriously a nightmare scenario.

I agree just block him. It’s not like he’ll agonise over why you’ve done it. If you try to message or talk to him face to face he will bombard you and try to manipulate you.

Many wealthy professional people who work long hours have an apartment nearer to their office than their family home is.

He may have worked on himself enough to no longer be a cheat but I do wonder why anyone needs counselling in order to understand that it’s wrong to start an affair before ending a bad relationship. Wouldn’t a barrister have a fairly good grasp on what’s right and wrong?