Why didn’t I meet my Brother-in-law first

[Anonymous546]

I feel awful even writing this because I know that it is so wrong. I have gone back and forth on it but decided to try to get some outside opinions.

My brother in law (my husband’s brother) is a really nice person and started paying me a lot of compliments a few months ago when a family member passed away.
He was saying how beautiful and awesome I am and has said this a few times now.
I think he is just being nice as he’s said it in front of the rest of the family and hasn’t truly said anything inappropriate.
We send messages back and forth occasionally but never anything inappropriate. He’s just really nice and always saying sweet things.

He bought me a little gift which I thought was for my daughter at first (a little stuffed bear) and he said it was for Valentine’s Day. I was a little surprised because I didn’t expect to get anything like that from him. It could have just been a nice gesture, right?

Well.. I seem to have developed some feelings for him and I’m trying my best to just let it go because obviously I’m married to his brother. We’ve discovered that we have quite a bit in common lately.
But I have made it a point not to message him in the last 3 weeks or so.
The last time we saw each other at a family get together we talked a lot.. just the two of us.

My relationship with my husband has been kind of rocky (we have some ups and downs pretty regularly) even before this came about. I don’t know how to get back to how it was a long time ago and I feel like he gets angry or stressed really easily sometimes and it’s hard to have a conversation with him at times.

Do I need to just suppress any feelings that have come up? I feel like the answer is.. of course I do. Any advice on how to do that?

Your thread title is

Why didn’t I meet my Brother-in-law first

Maybe because if you had he probably wouldn’t have been interested in you

I suggest he is playing with you and having a laugh at your expense watching you get all hot and bothered around him while trying to keep your feelings under wraps

Strange how your DH didn't bat an eyelid at the gift. Maybe he doesn't care? Perhaps your marriage is in a very bad state. Do you ever feel your DH loves you, or is he always closed off?

I'd guess them being half brothers is crucial here.

I take it they share a father not a mother?

BIL is older?

So he had an absent father who brought up a younger son?

There will be jealousy there. Solution to that resentment? Break up his half brothers marriage.

You are a pawn.

I really don’t think it’s that serious or that my reactions are that telling. In fact when he gave me the gift I was like this is for my daughter, right?

And when he complimented me I just politely said thanks and moved on.

Quite the opposite. Same mother. BIL is younger. Absent father on his end.
Treated a lot better by his mother than my husband was.

Fuck it she's not getting it I'll join in to! So op is he fit? Tall? Income? Lol

Posh people manage all sorts of incredible situations for the sake of putting a good face on it all. Think of all the surnames beginning with “ Fitz” ( or son of) which was how they managed children of their mistresses - who were once unpleasantly known as bastards.

You aren't really interested in solutions are you OP? A few of us gave them but ours aren't the posts you've replied to.

Ok. I'll bite then.

I think he's hopelessly in love with you because you are sooooo beautiful and amazing and he's devastated DH got there first. He's heartbroken at how DH treats you so tries to show you how you should be treated and educate DH at the same time. He's stayed single all this time because his heart belongs to you. Your DH is a brute. You should be honest about how you feel. Confess your love and ride off into the sunset. No one will get hurt, the family including your child will get over it and everyone will live happily ever after.

Go for it. He sounds wonderful and totally innocent in all of this.

I'm wondering what perfume/ outfit she shouid wear for the next encounter 🤔 lol 😂

Hahaha Lmao. You really have me rolling.

i have been replying to a lot of people about how to fix issues with my marriage. You just haven’t been reading them.

Omg lol.. you guys are killin me

Don't go there
You're married so you try and get through the rocky patch or leave
I wonder if BiL is similar to the nice part of your husband's personality?

It’s like the end of a Benny Hill show ( anyone remember?) when the big boobed sexy lady is being chased by all those randy men in fast motion. 🏃🏼‍♀️. .. 🏃‍♂️ 🏃 🏃‍♂️ 🏃

PerkyMintDeer

I think he's hopelessly in love with you because you are sooooo beautiful and amazing and he's devastated DH got there first. He's heartbroken at how DH treats you so tries to show you how you should be treated and educate DH at the same time. He's stayed single all this time because his heart belongs to you. Your DH is a brute. You should be honest about how you feel. Confess your love and ride off into the sunset. No one will get hurt, the family including your child will get over it and everyone will live happily ever after.

Exactly this.
And, yes, I have read all your posts here, OP.
You're making yourself the heroine of your own romance novel.

The problem is it isn’t harmless. It can only end badly - especially for the children.

I mean imagine your mum having a thing for your uncle …

Agree. Very selective responses and loving the attention and drama.

We’re all wasting our breath

Calliopespa

The problem is it isn’t harmless

I very much agree.
I've seen a similar scenario in action.

SamW98

We’re all wasting our breath

Very much agree with this too.

Trouble is, this isn't even a good book the OP's living out.

Started what? How on earth am I "starting drama, argue with you and start things for no reason"? I didnt say anything unkind or nasty- could you tell me what you mean? All I said was that its worth examining why you feel this way and that the BIL probably isnt a knight in shining armour 🙄

I did not post this. It was another user and I was as confused as you when I read their post. Haha

Op I don't think you have actually any real notion of your BIL but just want to hear over and over that he's interested in you and how beautiful and wonderful you are, especially as your marriage is a bit flat, we are massaging your ego as much as you say he appears to be.

Reading through it all is like wading through friggen treacle but I hope hearing how much he's trying to make a pass at you for 10 odd pages has given you a lift.

Well put @PreciousMahoney 👊🏻

Advice - go non contact. He’ll get the message and don’t have long cosy chats alone with him at family events - that’s just so inappropriate and disrespectful - speaking from experience.

Bc she’s unlikely to seek sex from other women? Duh

Sounds like it’s not about you, he hates/resents his half brother and is using you to get to him. I’m assuming your husband knows nothing of your communications and his gifts? If it’s innocent why not? And I can’t believe it took for someone to point out you wouldn’t be happy if your sister did this to your husband! - really?!

No I didn’t mean you, sorry my apologies I meant because you said she’s getting a hard time. So I said there’s always other users who have to start as on this thread a few have made comments that’s what I meant.