Who Is She????!!!!!

[TipsyJoker]

Hey lovelies,

I just wanted to ask some advice. I saw on my husbands messenger that he’s been messaging some woman I’ve never seen or heard of before. I didn’t read the messages so I don’t know the content of them. I just saw her in his messages. I checked Facebook and it seems like they’re not friends. So I did a little bit of digging. They have no seeming connection to each other. No friends in common. They don’t work together or even in the same field. She lives about 400 miles away. He’s never mentioned her to me. They don’t have any obvious common likes on fb. She’s also married with 2 kids.

I was a bit suspicious because he is ALWAYS on his phone. He takes it everywhere with him, even into the bathroom. So I peeked over when he was on messenger and saw her in his messages. I haven’t snooped but it’s been eating away at me ever since and it’s been months. I know he’s not physically cheated. However, my gut has been screaming at me for months. Prior to this I had no reason to doubt him.

There’s no public trace of them communicating on Facebook. It just seems weird to me. It also seems he has set his profile so I can’t see when he posts in groups he’s in, etc. He has also set it so when he gets a message to his phone it just says message and doesn’t display a name.

I don’t want to outright ask him in case it’s nothing or in case it is something and it just makes him more sneaky and cover his tracks even more so.

Would it be wrong to check this one conversation with this women? I know it’s an invasion of privacy but I really can’t see any other way that I will find out the truth one way or the other. I think if I asked him and there was anything going on he’d just deny it because why wouldn’t he?

Any advice on what to do here? It’s affecting me and making me feel subconscious and angry. We haven’t been as intimate for a while, (not my choice) but I just put that down to life with a young baby and being tired a lot.
Thanks for reading.

Facebook doesn't give your exact location it gives you what they put in see where they check in to confirm

Alien to me given as mentioned previously we share both phones.

Sorry couldn't resist with your title 🤐

You’re never going to know unless you check his phone

so just check his phone

I almost... almost posted this. 😂Her voice was the first thing I heard when I read the title.

Whether he's having an emotional affair or not, your marriage is in trouble because you do not have open communication about everything. If I had any thought that my husband was doing something he shouldn't I could ask him directly. You and your dh need marriage counseling at the very least, because your trust and communication is in the toilet.

Me too! 😂

Of course you look at his messages, I looked at my husband's phone as he was secretive with his phone. Found out he had a mistress for 4 yrs at that stage..Don't be a fool and find out ...Don't ask as he'll only deny and clear all the evidence... Go look !!! You don't want to be still wondering what's his up to this time next year .. If you find anything suspicious , say nothing until your sure .

Is he selling / buying anything on FB marketplace? Correspondence around any sales on this takes place in messenger, when an offer is sent, received etc

Just ask him

'I saw a (woman's name) pop up on messenger while you were using your phone the other night, it's been playing on my mind a little, who it is?'

Yes, he may lie. But if there's something dodgy going on his reaction to you asking is going to tell you everything. Defensive, angry, nervous etc = guilty.

Do you know them messaging is a frequent occurrence or was a lot of message? Or did you just see her name pop up once?

If it's the second one, I wouldn't give it another thought. I have loads of randoms in my Facebook DMs from all sorts of things; referrals for work from Facebook groups I'm in (I'm also self employed), advice from men who are roofers after I posted in a Roofing Facebook group asking questions; Facebook marketplace sellers..

He has also set it so when he gets a message to his phone it just says message and doesn’t display a name.

This is actually a good tip for security. If your messages come up on your phone even when it's locked, it means someone whose stolen your phone and your bank card can see the activation codes that come up on your phone and are meant to make it more secure.

This!

The problem here is men keeping their phone secret.

I'd ŕead them,if you can

Is it a Facebook Marketplace conversation??

Maybe an old school friend that he is flirting with etc.

You need to see. Does he travel for work? A hobby etc?

The OP says in her very first post that he’s changed his settings so she can no longer see certain things on his Facebook and that he has changed his notifications so that when he gets a message it just says “message received” instead of who it’s from and a preview of the message. You have to change those settings specifically in notifications so yes, it is how it works.

Has he sold or given anything away via Facebook? I have people who i have given kids stuff too who are not facebook friends but they still pop up on messanger if they are online. No idea why or how to sort, only messaged them once or twice about item and it was years ago.

Get his phone and read the messages. Don’t be pratting about otherwise.

Could he have fathered one of her children? So many scenarios. Have a look at the phone and come here for support. You must be exhausted with worry.

I send messages to myself sometimes, as reminders or to save a photo, so that in itself isn't weird.

To someone 400 miles away?

Send her a friend request on Facebook. That will prompt some action from him or her.

Yes I would have to do this!

Just read the messages, it's the only way you'll know.