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Original poster

Ex has Texted 🙄

476 replies

LilacButterflies · 02/07/2024 03:23

Hello!

I was in a relationship for 6 years and 2 years ago he just disappeared. We didn't live together because I have a child and I didn't want him living with us. I didn't really have any plans tbh, was just enjoying it all.

He met DD after 3 years and was actually brilliant with her, his mum and family were also lovely towards us too.

So on a Tuesday AM 2 years ago he left mine for work at 5am and it's the last time I saw him.

I realised at around lunchtime that I had been blocked. I got a txt that night from his best friend saying:
"* has dumped you. Do not attempt to contact him across ANY channels or his family or friends!!!!!!!"

I didn't try to BTW, I was too embarrassed. I just deleted his number and avoided his area as best as I could.

Anyway roll on to work this arvo and I get this message:

Him: "Hey me how are you? How's DD?"

Me: "sorry who's this? I don't have your number in my contacts"

Him: Ben.

I haven't replied and just deleted his message but shit after 2 years and the way i was dumped it was so unexpected.

My friends think I should have replied.

OP posts:
CruCru · 02/07/2024 12:27

Nousernameforme · 02/07/2024 12:08

I wonder if this is because of a 12 step program where you have to make amends with those you've hurt. Regardless you owe him nothing so keep on going about your life as normal without him.

Actually, this is a possibility.

YoMamaOhOh · 02/07/2024 12:28

I admire your attitude here OP, I would be curious to know what bullshit story he would come up with 🤣
But, the bloody nerve of him…

itsmabeline · 02/07/2024 12:41

He's playing psychological games for his own amusement and using his power to control when you have access to speak to him against you.

Block him and never look back. Scum like this just want to see you squirm.

Toptotoe · 02/07/2024 12:48

Your friends are giving you very poor advice imho - why would they suggest responding? Are they after a bit of vicarious drama in their lives??
just block the CF and get back to living your life.

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 02/07/2024 13:01

Your best friend is a drama-lahma (and wrong)!

He has been away for 2 years - either in jail (so for some very serious offence and one he was too ashamed to tell you about) or with someone else (a two-timing bastard) or he just felt like a change and dropped you. So, he is: dangerous/cowardly/cruel.

How could your life be improved by having him back in it?

Thelnebriati · 02/07/2024 13:06

'Needing closure' is just another way of saying you need something from someone else, and can't heal or move on until you get it. How is that healthy or helpful? If they have a history of abusing you, they aren't going to suddenly turn over a new leaf and give you what you want.

OP has closure, there is nothing she needs from her ex.

Huhy · 02/07/2024 13:15

I had a similar thing. Happily dating this guy (both late 20s). I had a few conversations where I brought up some concerns, he always reassured me during these talks. It was probably clear I was suggesting going our own separate ways in a respectful and open manner. Then he just ghosts me!

One day I was meeting my sister for drinks in the same part of London he works (along with thousands of others) and got texted to not stalk him!

I would never reduce myself to a reply if he messaged me again.

GasPanic · 02/07/2024 13:17

Is it his DD or not ?

You don't make that clear in your posts.

UpThereForThinkingDownThereForDancing · 02/07/2024 13:18

@Huhy 🤣🤣 'F off dickhead, you don't own London!'

UpThereForThinkingDownThereForDancing · 02/07/2024 13:18

GasPanic · 02/07/2024 13:17

Is it his DD or not ?

You don't make that clear in your posts.

She does, it's in the op.

Dweetfidilove · 02/07/2024 13:23

@LilacButterflies , I also believe you should continue ignoring him.

Some people must fulfil their curiosity, but I personally believe closure is overrated- especially after 2 years. Whatever happened then is inconsequential to your life now.

Turfwars · 02/07/2024 13:23

Yeah, closure is a pile of shite.

We know why he left. He left because he found what he thought was a better option. That better option has now dumped him so now he's sniffing around all his ex's for any chance of a hook up.

The ones who come back and need to start off with an apology for the way they treated you either during the relationship or while breaking up with you are not worth the effort of sending an emoji back to.

Fathomless · 02/07/2024 13:24

Conkersinautumn · 02/07/2024 08:44

Is the friend nosey? I can imagine she might be intrigued as to what he'd say. But it's irrelevant and she should be more concerned for you and your dd. Because there's fuck all he can say to somehow excuse what he did. Because you can never trust him. Because he is contemptible.

I'd give the friend very little chances and ask why on earth they think you're going to give such a callous, cowardly arsehole the time of day after what he put your daughter and you through emotionally.

i agree that this is more to do with the friend's curiosity, she wants to know why he ended the relationship in such a cowardly and abrupt manner.

anotherday11 · 02/07/2024 13:29

I would get one of your friends to text him:

“LilacButterflies has dumped you. Do not attempt to contact her across ANY channels or her family or friends!!!!!!!"*

😂

Namechangey23 · 02/07/2024 13:30

LilacButterflies · 02/07/2024 07:41

Thank you all for your replies! I have had 3 private number calls since finishing work. He left 3 vms, I listened to the first one and as soon as I heard his voice saying "hey .." I hit the "message deleted" key thing.
I did the same to the other 2.

I'm more annoyed now by his contact tbh, 2 years ago I wasn't allowed any contact with him so why the fuck should I offer him any courtesy now?

He wouldn't have a clue where I am now either, me and DD moved hours away to where my grandparents and brother are so we aren't even in the same state let alone city.

Haha karma's a bitch ain't it! He clearly wants something from you now, you can feel smug in the knowledge that the spineless little shit is going to get the same treatment he doled out to you. If you wanted you could always get your friend to message him and say don't ever contact my friend again etc. But silence is the best policy for a jerk like him, leave him wondering.

Starrynights9 · 02/07/2024 13:36

fancystrawberries · 02/07/2024 12:07

I would have listened to the voice messages. Because something is not right with him contacting you after two years, and for safety reasons I would want to hear why. And possibly keep as evidence if it turns out he is not giving up.

Well said ☺️

corkscrewedup · 02/07/2024 13:37

I'm more annoyed now by his contact tbh, 2 years ago I wasn't allowed any contact with him so why the fuck should I offer him any courtesy now?

@LilacButterflies 100% this and a big round of applause and bouquets of flowers for you.

And for the people saying they'd want to know what happened - it's pretty obvious isn't it? he lost interest, met someone else and dumped her in a very cowardly and disrespectful way particularly given the length of their relationship. Anyone would know that would confuse and hurt someone. He has zero rights or business pitchig up with a casual 'hey how are you message".

If he wanted to pitch up it should begin with a grovelling apology and excuses and begging to be forgiven. and even then the answer is no. but the 'hey how are you and DD' just heaps more offence on top of the grievious wounds.

Well done @LilacButterflies ! Keep strong and know that every silence and lack of response will be a sweet revenge. It will be driving him crazy. Men like that will be confident you have spent every night for 2 years crying yourself to sleep about the loss of wonderful him and every day for 2 years comparing all men badly to him and craving his return. Silence is like a bloody nose to men like that.

Go you @LilacButterflies !

Starrynights9 · 02/07/2024 13:41

corkscrewedup · 02/07/2024 13:37

I'm more annoyed now by his contact tbh, 2 years ago I wasn't allowed any contact with him so why the fuck should I offer him any courtesy now?

@LilacButterflies 100% this and a big round of applause and bouquets of flowers for you.

And for the people saying they'd want to know what happened - it's pretty obvious isn't it? he lost interest, met someone else and dumped her in a very cowardly and disrespectful way particularly given the length of their relationship. Anyone would know that would confuse and hurt someone. He has zero rights or business pitchig up with a casual 'hey how are you message".

If he wanted to pitch up it should begin with a grovelling apology and excuses and begging to be forgiven. and even then the answer is no. but the 'hey how are you and DD' just heaps more offence on top of the grievious wounds.

Well done @LilacButterflies ! Keep strong and know that every silence and lack of response will be a sweet revenge. It will be driving him crazy. Men like that will be confident you have spent every night for 2 years crying yourself to sleep about the loss of wonderful him and every day for 2 years comparing all men badly to him and craving his return. Silence is like a bloody nose to men like that.

Go you @LilacButterflies !

Until he decides the lack of response is more reason to stalk & harass her. Block him after there is evidence of his intentions,then report him to the police if it continues.

corkscrewedup · 02/07/2024 13:43

Until he decides the lack of response is more reason to stalk & harass her.

Nah! He's just sniffing around his old stomping grounds for a random shag.

Even if that is wrong, responding is the worse thing you can do to someone inclined to stalk because they see any interaction postive or negative as contact and encouragement.

CruCru · 02/07/2024 13:57

In fairness, the OP has moved a long way away and thinks he has no idea where she is. It would be difficult for him to stalk her.

He can keep leaving voicemails from unknown numbers but that’s about it.

MyBreezyPombear · 02/07/2024 13:59

ElBandito · 02/07/2024 08:11

I think you're right not to reply to him. However, if he keeps on bothering you THEN I'd message his friend to tell him to stop constantly ringing you. Funny and a little bit more embarrassing for the ex.

This. I'd definitely be messaging the friend to tell him to stop.

Georgethecat1 · 02/07/2024 14:00

I would message him back he same thing his friend sent to you then block

taylorswift1989 · 02/07/2024 14:00

Surely you just get your friend to send a message saying never to contact you...!

Nah, only kidding. Block and delete. What an absolute wanker.

Katbum · 02/07/2024 14:01

He likely dumped you for someone else, and is crawling back cos that’s over. But who cares, block delete never speak of him again.

ScrambledSmegs · 02/07/2024 14:04

Your friends are just being nosy and excited by the vicarious drama, you're right to ignore them and do what's best for you.

I agree with most PPs, the likelihood is that he was in a relationship (probably with some 'overlap' with you) and now it's ended he's trying to get in touch with you. As if you've been waiting around for him for 2 years 🙄

Although - do people do the 'contacting ex-partners in case you gave them an STD'? Was that ever a thing or just made up for tv?