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Original poster

Ex has Texted 🙄

476 replies

LilacButterflies · 02/07/2024 03:23

Hello!

I was in a relationship for 6 years and 2 years ago he just disappeared. We didn't live together because I have a child and I didn't want him living with us. I didn't really have any plans tbh, was just enjoying it all.

He met DD after 3 years and was actually brilliant with her, his mum and family were also lovely towards us too.

So on a Tuesday AM 2 years ago he left mine for work at 5am and it's the last time I saw him.

I realised at around lunchtime that I had been blocked. I got a txt that night from his best friend saying:
"* has dumped you. Do not attempt to contact him across ANY channels or his family or friends!!!!!!!"

I didn't try to BTW, I was too embarrassed. I just deleted his number and avoided his area as best as I could.

Anyway roll on to work this arvo and I get this message:

Him: "Hey me how are you? How's DD?"

Me: "sorry who's this? I don't have your number in my contacts"

Him: Ben.

I haven't replied and just deleted his message but shit after 2 years and the way i was dumped it was so unexpected.

My friends think I should have replied.

OP posts:
pandasorous · 02/07/2024 10:59

LilacButterflies · 02/07/2024 07:41

Thank you all for your replies! I have had 3 private number calls since finishing work. He left 3 vms, I listened to the first one and as soon as I heard his voice saying "hey .." I hit the "message deleted" key thing.
I did the same to the other 2.

I'm more annoyed now by his contact tbh, 2 years ago I wasn't allowed any contact with him so why the fuck should I offer him any courtesy now?

He wouldn't have a clue where I am now either, me and DD moved hours away to where my grandparents and brother are so we aren't even in the same state let alone city.

I think you should get your friend to text him and say "lilac butterflies thinks you are a piece of shit little bitch. so do I. do NOT attempt to contact her in any way."

just for karma

IAlwaysTellTheTruthEvenWhenILie · 02/07/2024 11:08

You did the right thing, op. Don't engage

crockofshite · 02/07/2024 11:10

BouquetGarni224 · 02/07/2024 10:45

This thread reminds me a bit of "running in rain" whose ex dumped her by text, said "no need to reply" and when she obeyed that instruction for a few weeks, then contacted her again, expected her to indulge him, and accused her of being immature when she didn't.

These men certainly are a type, aren't they.

There's a narc mentality there, I think.

"You're no longer of use or interest to me, you're dumped, go away and don't pollute my air with your presence or make me feel uncomfortable about dumping you. Just disappear like I want you to".

"Oh, my alternative option hasn't worked out, I might need you again, you should be in stasis like a toy I threw on the floor, waiting for me to pick you up again; of course you'll take me on and respond, I dumped you, you must be so grateful that I'm willing to have contact with you again. You're allowed to exist again now, (for as long as suits me)".

Other people aren't really "real" to them, are they.

Edited

I remember that thread, RunningInRain did brilliantly to completely ignore him and it drove him crazy 😁

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 02/07/2024 11:13

Surely the only possible response is "new phone, who dis?"

Pinkbonbon · 02/07/2024 11:15

'Fuck off ben'.
Then Block.

Or 'Lol'
Then Block.

Just on the off chance though...is it possible his friend also told HIM you'd called to dump him? And then blocked you? There are some psychopaths the world... but I suppose it wpuld have got back to you through the grapevine that you'd dumped him...and you'd have been like 'wtf'.

pontipinemum · 02/07/2024 11:16

You did the right think blocking. But I am a pure nose bag and would have had to ask him why!! But it most likely would be a made up bag of crap. He's after something and it most likely is nothing in your best interest.

Was he a drug/ alcoholic? I wonder if he's doing steps and needs to apologies. Again that's not your problem

VaddaABeetch · 02/07/2024 11:16

There’s a song isn’t there?

Have you left the one you left me for?

Did she hear like me the bang of the door
Have you left for good or just got bored?

Yalta · 02/07/2024 11:19

LilacButterflies · 02/07/2024 04:37

XChrome
Yeah I must admit being dumped by his friend was a low experience.

Think I would have texted his friend back at the time

”Thank God for that. I thought he would never leave”

At least it might have started him questioning his reality and what sort of relationship you had.

Starrynights9 · 02/07/2024 11:28

Pinkbonbon · 02/07/2024 11:15

'Fuck off ben'.
Then Block.

Or 'Lol'
Then Block.

Just on the off chance though...is it possible his friend also told HIM you'd called to dump him? And then blocked you? There are some psychopaths the world... but I suppose it wpuld have got back to you through the grapevine that you'd dumped him...and you'd have been like 'wtf'.

Edited

Interesting pov.
My fear would be is this man capable of not giving up. Knowing his intent towards me would be important. I'd want early evidence to take to the police. Blocking someone or ignoring someone doesn't stop them if they are intent on harassment.

Theoldbird · 02/07/2024 11:29

baileys6904 · 02/07/2024 08:02

To be honest, I think I'd allow contact and use it to my gain. I'd want closure and for him to know the devastation he'd left, especially to a child. Absolutely lay it on thick and then tell him to fuck off

I don't think the op wants closure though, she sounds like she has moved on completely and is over him. he's just trying to mess with her head and deserves zero contact like he demanded of her.

SonicTheHodgeheg · 02/07/2024 11:32

Your friend has given you terrible advice - I think she wants the gossip on what he was going to say.

Well done for blocking and not engaging. 💐

HiddenBooks · 02/07/2024 11:34

His messaging now means one of two things:

  1. as a PP suggested, the "best friend" interfered and made you each think that you'd been dumped and he's just found out; or
  2. he's had a pang of conscience and wants to absolve himself.

In either case he should have opened with more than "Hi OP". Clearly he is testing the waters and hoping for a "OMG Ben! How have you been? I've not stopped thinking about you". Deluded idiot!

You're right to block, especially if you have no desire to even find out why on earth he's contacted you now.

If he continues pestering I think I'd just had to send a message back along the lines of "you cut off all communication with me 2 years ago and now suddenly drop back in with a "Hi"? My life has moved on thanks and I don't have the time or inclination to talk with you any more."

Or, even better, as another PP suggested - get your best friend to message him instead!

HiddenBooks · 02/07/2024 11:34

Oh, but not the friend that's said you should reply. They definitely need to be kept out of the drama!

Starrynights9 · 02/07/2024 11:39

I would block him but only after I had evidence of his intent. I'd then make it very clear he shouldn't contact me again or the police will be involved

Fluffyelephant · 02/07/2024 11:41

My first guess would be that he wants you to take him back, money, sex, a place to stay etc.

But is there any possibility he could be calling to let you know about a positive STI result after all this time? If you've already ruled this out through your own testing though then you don't even need to listen to the messages

Pinkbonbon · 02/07/2024 11:42

Haha i love the pps idea of having a friend reply.

'Hey this us Susan's friend Mandy. So, Susan thinks you are a sad desperate loser. Do not contact her again. Ps: LOL'.

Despair1 · 02/07/2024 11:47

Definitely don't respond . If you do, your future will be an emotional rollercoaster and you will be stunted! Wishing you and your daughter well, you sound like a very loving and thoughtful parent

Summerpigeon · 02/07/2024 11:50

If that's your closest friend
You need new ones
She is not on your side

5475878237NC · 02/07/2024 12:02

Wow your friend just wants gossip and drama. The only closure you'll be getting is for him not for you. You have already moved on. Stay strong!

fancystrawberries · 02/07/2024 12:07

I would have listened to the voice messages. Because something is not right with him contacting you after two years, and for safety reasons I would want to hear why. And possibly keep as evidence if it turns out he is not giving up.

Nousernameforme · 02/07/2024 12:08

I wonder if this is because of a 12 step program where you have to make amends with those you've hurt. Regardless you owe him nothing so keep on going about your life as normal without him.

DullFanFiction · 02/07/2024 12:10

Hellohah · 02/07/2024 06:57

I can be really petty and spiteful.

I'd have text the mate he dumped me via and told him to tell Ben to fuck off and and kindly not contact me again.

I have to say, seeing he kept contacting you, leaving messages etc… id be very tempted to do exactly that.

(and of course block, block, block. Which you’ve been doing anyway)

sarahc336 · 02/07/2024 12:11

Oh my god op what a shock. I suspect he had "dumped you" for another woman and she's now dumped him so he's come crawling back. Good on you for deleting what a cheek

Bubblegum922 · 02/07/2024 12:12

LilacButterflies · 02/07/2024 05:08

Mintyt
Thank you for saying that!
Strangely though I'm not even curious about what he wants.

Amazing!

The nerve of him to even think you’d reply 🙄

imagiantwitch · 02/07/2024 12:23

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 02/07/2024 11:13

Surely the only possible response is "new phone, who dis?"

Why do people always say this on threads? Why the 'dis'? It's bloody stupid. Why would anyone want to look like they can't spell