Ex has Texted 🙄

[LilacButterflies]

Hello!

I was in a relationship for 6 years and 2 years ago he just disappeared. We didn't live together because I have a child and I didn't want him living with us. I didn't really have any plans tbh, was just enjoying it all.

He met DD after 3 years and was actually brilliant with her, his mum and family were also lovely towards us too.

So on a Tuesday AM 2 years ago he left mine for work at 5am and it's the last time I saw him.

I realised at around lunchtime that I had been blocked. I got a txt that night from his best friend saying:
"* has dumped you. Do not attempt to contact him across ANY channels or his family or friends!!!!!!!"

I didn't try to BTW, I was too embarrassed. I just deleted his number and avoided his area as best as I could.

Anyway roll on to work this arvo and I get this message:

Him: "Hey me how are you? How's DD?"

Me: "sorry who's this? I don't have your number in my contacts"

Him: Ben.

I haven't replied and just deleted his message but shit after 2 years and the way i was dumped it was so unexpected.

My friends think I should have replied.

Is it Ben Fogle? Can you tell him deliberately putting astro turf down was a ridiculous idea and just reminded me what a dick he was at poly in the 90s.

You don't need that Benergy, other Ben's are available.

I'd have possibly replied Ben who? Or which Ben? Then blocked, but I'd have definitely listened to the voice messages as he wouldn't know either way,

Nope I wouldn’t reply. I would be annoyed he didn’t give you or dd the decency at the time. You don’t owe him anything. If he had apologised in the message maybe you could have considered a conversation.

Are you sure they are your friend, doesn't sound like advice from a good friend.
well done for blocking

It’s just so insulting being dumped by his friend like that. What an absolute d*ck. defo ignore and block .

Good for you. What makes him think he can waltz out of your life and get his friend to dump you and then waltz back in whenever it suits him when his current relationship has gone pearshaped and he needs somewhere to live

This!!! 👏👏

Really well done @LilacButterflies, admirable behaviour.

Your friend is wrong, how is responding to him going to give you closure when all it can possibly do is rip back open all the hurt...at the very least you're going to have to listen to a load of pathetic excuses (nothing excuses what he did and the way he did it), and worst you may find yourself getting drawn back in despite your best intentions. (this is why I stay grey rock with my abusive ex).

You and DD keep going the way you are going, you're doing good!

Agree on closure. The only closure is time and distance.

That said, the number of calls seems excessive.

I might have been tempted to have someone else I trusted listen to the messages to see if there was anything I needed to know from a practical standpoint. I can't think what that would be though. Also - it sounds like your friends are not displaying the best judgement here.

You did amazing to block and delete

but for my own peace of mind and because I am a negative Nelly - I would get a full STD panel just in case that was the reason behind his contact 🙈

I had similar happen,boyfriend didn't live with me as I had a child.
Stayed at mine and left for work all as usual(except I noticed he took a bag with him that had the few bits he left at mine with him!)
Sent me a message a bit later saying it was over but he had left some trainers and could I post them to him?(can't believe I did!!)
Never heard off him again.
A year or 2 later he sent me a message through Facebook,basically saying he had got scared and ended things but wanted to try again.
(I had also done some facebook stalking and realised he had been in a relationship but was now single agajn)
I'm ashamed to say I did give things another go...but I just couldn't relax or trust him so this time I ended things!(he tried like mad to not let me)
Don't do what I did.
Stand firm it wouldn't work again.

Jail time?

Unfortunately doctors and teachers and other official calls often come from unknown or private numbers...

You are indeed a rare gem on mumnset! A woman who knows real boundaries!!

Amazing - you're great!!

You're rightly incurious about why he's contacted you, although it's easy to guess!

What a twat he is!!

Was he in jail?

I never understand why people would do this?

Do you think he'd even care?? He's after a booty call after going no contact after 6 years! He gives not a shit about devastating anyone!!

This.

If he's tested positive for something the clinic would ask him to contact you or they would try to contact you themselves.
He's probably just a dickhead but it wouldn't hurt to do a test.

Well done. What an absolute bellend.

My friends think I should have replied.

If they are so keen to be involved, get them to text him a similar message to the one his friend texted you (before you'd even tried to contact him, let alone repeatedly) ....

"Do not attempt to contact Lilac through any means again".

That's the only message he should be sent.

Though actually, he's not worth the three seconds it would take to type it.

And he might think he's actually affected you, whereas total silence is more effective.

This thread reminds me a bit of "running in rain" whose ex dumped her by text, said "no need to reply" and when she obeyed that instruction for a few weeks, then contacted her again, expected her to indulge him, and accused her of being immature when she didn't.

These men certainly are a type, aren't they.

There's a narc mentality there, I think.

"You're no longer of use or interest to me, you're dumped, go away and don't pollute my air with your presence or make me feel uncomfortable about dumping you. Just disappear like I want you to".

"Oh, my alternative option hasn't worked out, I might need you again, you should be in stasis like a toy I threw on the floor, waiting for me to pick you up again; of course you'll take me on and respond, I dumped you, you must be so grateful that I'm willing to have contact with you again. You're allowed to exist again now, (for as long as suits me)".

Other people aren't really "real" to them, are they.

I wonder if he’d been in prison?
Much better with him out of your life, well done for blocking!

Can you change your number? Good on you for holding strong

It's more common that they have another woman set up ...and don't want her to know about the very recent ex, and don't want their family to know they dumped the ex suddenly and ruthlessly.

Him: "Hey me how are you? How's DD?"

So fucking scummily manipulative as well, using your DD as an intro.

And like he gave a fk about her, to dump her Mum out of the blue, get his mate to send warning/fuck off messages, and never enquire about her once since. Her welfare has clearly been high on his list of priorities.

I wouldn't be able to resist messaging back;

"Oh she's growing up fast, you wouldn't believe the stuff she's coming out with; like I told her you'd got in touch and she said "Don't message that absolute dickhead back Mum, he's a piece of shit".
She makes me proud every day".

Anyway, what sort of creatures are out there. It's like 80% of the male population are fkg scum bags.

Good on you!
Ignore your friend. Like you said, wtf would you even care what he wants!

I expect he moved on to someone else, that has now gone pearshaped because he is an epic twat and hes now thinking he'd give you another try.
As if he thinks thats his choice!
What a prick.
Continue on with your life without so much a glance back.