Ex has Texted 🙄

[LilacButterflies]

Hello!

I was in a relationship for 6 years and 2 years ago he just disappeared. We didn't live together because I have a child and I didn't want him living with us. I didn't really have any plans tbh, was just enjoying it all.

He met DD after 3 years and was actually brilliant with her, his mum and family were also lovely towards us too.

So on a Tuesday AM 2 years ago he left mine for work at 5am and it's the last time I saw him.

I realised at around lunchtime that I had been blocked. I got a txt that night from his best friend saying:
"* has dumped you. Do not attempt to contact him across ANY channels or his family or friends!!!!!!!"

I didn't try to BTW, I was too embarrassed. I just deleted his number and avoided his area as best as I could.

Anyway roll on to work this arvo and I get this message:

Him: "Hey me how are you? How's DD?"

Me: "sorry who's this? I don't have your number in my contacts"

Him: Ben.

I haven't replied and just deleted his message but shit after 2 years and the way i was dumped it was so unexpected.

My friends think I should have replied.

😂👍🏻

I don't suppose Ben's so called best friend could have sent him the same message as he sent you , to cause trouble ?

Or he is doing a 12 step rehabilitation self improvement thing, where you have to apologise to people you have wronged - not out of any thoughts for them or being genuinely remorseful but totally out of self interest and self “improvement”.

The ultimate selfish wanker act - you get to re inflict the pain you originally caused under the guise of being contrite. When it doesn’t work you can feel saintly that at least you tried. Etc….

That is really creepy. What a twat. Stay well clear.

wow. What a lowly way to end a relationship. I can’t imagine ever advising my friend to have any sort of dialogue with a person like ‘Ben’. Live and learn, carry on forwards. Your child does not need to have a character like this in their life, either.

Assume you were tested for things like HIV etc when you got tested? I’d be wondering why he’s so persistent, but if you’ve been tested then that’s good. Suspense would get the better of me and I’d want to know what he wanted, if it was to apologise I’d hear him out, if he wanted to get back together I’d laugh and walk away

The gall of him going to were you used to live.
I think in this case I'd text and tell him to stop trying to contact you as it's harassment and you'll involve the police.

Ben? Sorry do I know you? 😂😂😂 then block, block, block

You need to 'read all' op's posts.

You should only “give him a chance” in order to let him in, lead him on and subsequently return the favour. That’s longwinded and convoluted so you’d probably do best just to block. Also the way he’s asking about your daughter, if you did decide to entertain him, do not let him in your child’s life in any way, shape or form.

Sidenote: is he a Capricorn? 🤣

You’ve acted perfectly although I think I might have listened to the messages out of curiosity.

Im slightly concerned he has something really important to say as he’s just so persistent in such a short space of time. Could you ask someone to contact him just to check and ask them only to relay anything to you if it’s super important?

He's horny and trying for what he thinks will be an "easy lay". Well done op for being so bloody strong. And ffs, yet another police officer being a controlling nasty fuck, it's like they get the God-complex and the power goes to their heads.

I'm so proud of you OP!

He's an absolute piece of shit. Seems desperate to contact you suddenly, has probably fallen on hard times and needs money or a place to stay. Tough tits asshole!

Enjoy your life, and don't give the fucker a second thought 😊

When Ben’s friend texted you to end it, did you have any way of checking that message was definitely from Ben and not his friend just making trouble?

What on earth could he have to say that is really important to the OP? He's contacting her because he wants something - money/a place to stay/a shag/feeling sorry for himself and wants looking after.

All these sudden urgent attempts at contact are tactic to try to suck her back in, and she has absolutely done the right thing by not responding.

To get into a conversation with him would be a really big mistake.

She said later on his sister asked for the bridesmaid dress back so pretty concrete evidence I think!

But whose sister was it - the friend's sister or Ben's sister - that's ambiguous?

I'm not overly bothered by my neighbour's husband saying I'm back with DDs dad. I don't really care what Ben or anyone else thinks tbh.

I also have zero interest in what he has to say. If that sounds harsh oh well.
I will never know why he did what he did, why his friend got involved, Wtf his sister was thinking but I'm okay with that.

Because knowing why isn't going to change anything. If dds dad did scare him off, or say something to him i can't change that either.

Unbeknownst to me at the time dds dad had access to my messages and emails and he actually saw that dumping text message so when he turned up that night "angry on my behalf" that's how I finally found out.

I've also had an HIV test too.

Yep DDs dad is in the DV unit too.
I actually met him in my first year of nursing and he was newly qualified.

Dds dad also seems to know my movements constantly but that's another issue for another day.

I've only been in 2 relationships and tbh I'm quite put off now.

Bloody hell, I'm glad you've moved, what an absolute bastard he is. Hopefully he'll give up entirely now.

I had an ex who kept contacting me on various channels before, it's incredibly unnerving when someone breaks those boundaries over and over. But it's a clear indicator that ignoring them is the right choice!

Sorry Ben's sister MOH asked for the dress back.

Well done OP! There is nothing you need to know from him even if he has big news such as impending death, illness. He made his bed and he’s lying in it!

if he persists in trying to contact you or turns up at the town he knows your Ex lives at if call the police for harassment to get him off your back without needing to be in touch in any way

good riddance! I applaud you!

Grim aren't they, some people.

My ex messed me about and we were in a cycle of together, not…just starting to get over it, him turning up, together, not…you get the picture.

Anyway I ended it.

I saw him about a year later, in a local pub, I was with a new partner. Got home and received the text
‘in all of the bars, in all of the world, good to see you. I know it was awkward to talk with your new man there, but if you ever want to meet…’.

‘In all the bars in all of the world’ 🤣 No in our local you gimp!

I didn't respond.

Are you concerned? Or are you just curious?

Curiosity killed the cat.

OP is 💯 right to block him. Getting someone to contact is playing right into his hands.

This made me laugh. I expect he thought he was being very poetic!

I simultaneously think you are doing exactly the right thing, and also desperately want to know what he wants to tell you. The fact he disappeared so bizarrely and has now tried different ways of getting in touch seems so desperate that it’s absolutely tantalising to imagine the reason.