Ex has Texted 🙄

[LilacButterflies]

Hello!

I was in a relationship for 6 years and 2 years ago he just disappeared. We didn't live together because I have a child and I didn't want him living with us. I didn't really have any plans tbh, was just enjoying it all.

He met DD after 3 years and was actually brilliant with her, his mum and family were also lovely towards us too.

So on a Tuesday AM 2 years ago he left mine for work at 5am and it's the last time I saw him.

I realised at around lunchtime that I had been blocked. I got a txt that night from his best friend saying:
"* has dumped you. Do not attempt to contact him across ANY channels or his family or friends!!!!!!!"

I didn't try to BTW, I was too embarrassed. I just deleted his number and avoided his area as best as I could.

Anyway roll on to work this arvo and I get this message:

Him: "Hey me how are you? How's DD?"

Me: "sorry who's this? I don't have your number in my contacts"

Him: Ben.

I haven't replied and just deleted his message but shit after 2 years and the way i was dumped it was so unexpected.

My friends think I should have replied.

Get a male friend to answer the phone to him and have him say 'I'm her husband, can I take a message?' 😈

@robotgun 😂

Ahahah this!!

So you send a msg saying "* has dumped you. Do not attempt to contact across ANY channels or family or friends!!!!!!!"

And how would this relationship wrecking Machiavelli know that one or both of his victims might not disregard his instructions and demand answers thus exposing his nefarious plot?
He couldn't be sure.
As a writer, I would never attempt to make a plot turn on such a circumstance. 😂

Unless the 'friend' is actually another girl he was seeing or who was into him and who, upon dumping his gf on his behalf, and conning him into thinking he was single... seduced him. So, he couldn't then in good conscience, get back in touch with the op.

Some times real life is stranger than fiction.

It sounds like the woman he dumped you for has dumped him. You did the right thing not responding.

Hi all again
My brother sorted my phone to not receive private number calls.

I have received calls from his work phone, a number I don't have which I have also blocked.

I am not interested in any contact from him. Nothing will ever change the fact that he got his fucking friend to dump me and in such a cunty way.

He said he was also happy with not living together, and was happy to go at my pace. I wouldn't change a thing I did in that relationship, I didn't want him living with us.

Well done. The only closure you need is that he walked out of your relationship years ago. Nothing he wants to say is relevant.

It takes a special kind of delusion to go this far to get in touch with someone after all this time and after such poor behaviour

It’s the arrogance that bc he walked out on her he expects OP to jump at the chance of him coming back to her 🤮

You've absolutely done the right thing FOR YOU. Him, your friend's (need/ curiosity/ male apologist) wants are entirely irrelevant. You're awesome. Great boundaries, no wonder he's come back to paw (pathetically) at your defences. You know you're well rid.

Have you spoken with your friend about what was said? Have they apologised?

My closest friend that thinks I should speak to him?
Yep 1 text yesterday to her to say:
I'm not interested in "closure" I got "closure" 2 years when he did what he did. Even if old mate had something AWFUL happen to him, I still deserved better. DD deserved better. That chapter is done and thats that."

I got 😢 back from her. Meh I'm comfortable with my decisions.

My brother wants to speak to him and I said nope. I didn't let you do it 2 years ago, you ain't doing it now. I'm living in a different state to him now so im not worried about having to ignore 12 phone calls and counting for a while.

I wouldn’t text him back. Similar happened to me—he called me late on my birthday and left a drunken message to say hi and wish me a happy birthday. I had been out with my new boyfriend. I phoned him back to let him know that I had a boyfriend, but he didn’t answer. He probably thought I was calling to rekindle, when I was really calling to tell him that I had moved on. So he actually ghosted me twice in the end. I never should have returned his call—I should have ignored, and the final ghosting would have been me, not him.

This needs to go into Classics as a template on how to deal with men who have treated you badly. Well done OP.

What a strange friend. Most friends would be applauding the way you've handled this.

your friend's reaction is very weird.

I think other people have mentioned it but is sounds like she is encouraging you to create drama for her entertainment.

any friend would know having contact with this man will only lead to upset for you.

Maybe he spoke with your friend first and she lapped up he sob story and gave him the go ahead to call you

Yes, your friend's reaction is odd. I mean, from a sheer curiosity point of view or karma I could see why she would want you to find out what he wants so that you can laugh together at his patheticness. But the sad face suggests she thinks maybe you should take him back!? SOOOOOO weird.

(for the person thinking about a story - perhaps OPs friend and ex's friend were in cahoots to break them up or pull a prank?!)

Is this friend local to you or back in the place you used to live OP? Do you have any reason to be concerned that she would tell this git where you are now living, in some "white knight charging in on a steed" nonsense? I would be cautious around her from now on and put her on an information diet, she doesn't seem to have your best interests at heart.

If my friend was hurt by a bloke like this I would be offering kneecapping services not teary emoji's.

He’s a self centred sod, isn’t he! When he wants no contact he cuts you off dead, but when he decides he wants to speak to you a couple of years later he doesn’t take no for an answer and tries on several different phones. What you want or deserve doesn’t even register on his radar. You definitely swerved a bullet there.

Well done OP. 👏 closure is a myth probably originally thought up by a therapist wanting to earn more clients/money. Time is the healer. Continue moving forward with your life and leave him in his cesspit. Strong woman that you are

I feel so sorry for your friend, advising to speak to him is about her not you, her bar is low and she’s no self esteem , if she did she’d not say to speak to him, she’s the woman men walk over. Poor cow.

She lives in another city to the both of us and as far as I was aware they never had each other's phone numbers. She describes herself as " a romantic" and feels sorry for me being a single mum.
Its changed my view on her for sure.

I've always thought the idea of "ghosting" was odd until it happened to me. Like someone can't just disappear can they? but he did.

A woman I work with was ghosted by her own husband! He literally left the country without a word.
She did say she contacted his family and friends though and that it made her feel worse.