What angers me most is that nothing has changed. I fled an abusive ex, 24 years ago after 16 years. I know I should have left years before I did before anyone said anything. Having been bought up in what they call affluent abuse today, I recreated what I knew as an adult.
I bought 4 now adult children into the world by him. We walked the fires of hell with the aftermath. I begged for help from the system. They wouldn't give it as we didn't fall into their stereotype.
Prevention turned to crisis, and my children had to spend a period in care, as i had, had a major breakdown.
The system is needed. The system doesn't work. The SS took the ex side in it all, and because I actively unwell, I fought them appropriately they hated my guts.
I got all my children home eventually. It took 9 years altogether to be free of them.
We came under the 1970s children act, which was barbaric. The children's act was rewritten at the time in 2005. One of the team on the rewriting of it was one of the foster carers for my children.
He said to me, " They had updated it as perfect as it could be. The problem was that the professionals would implement it properly. " No, they haven't and still don't..
They only started treating me differently when I met my 2nd husband. In my case, social services, there agencies inc caffcass were as abusive emotionally, as the ex, if not worse.
They didn't listen then. They still don't. They put children in harms way.
50 years on women's aid are clear that the surface has only been scratched on this. There are still 2-3 women being killed per week, and their children are damaged by seeing this. 1 in 4 women will be abused in their lifetime.
You can not just go against a court order as they will go against you. If you haven't been in this situation, you wouldn't know.
As for choosing the father of your children, carefully remark, Jesus Christ, how condescending and uninformed you are
I am glad you have been lucky. However, don't for one minute think it was caused of you being careful.
Emotional/coercive and gaslighting especially is a dripfeed that you don't see coming.
I use our lived experience now to support others, so good has come out of it. However, people like me who survive a system are few and far between as you're not supposed to.
All my adult youngsters are educated. Uni degrees, good jobs, happily married with children of their own. I am an active part of their lives and grandchildren, too. The ex isn't part of the 3 boys' lives, and my daughter contact is limited with him by all their choices.
The system is needed. The system still doesn't work, and it angers and saddens me.
When nothing changes, nothing changes...