I can’t help but feel disappointed by his “proposal”

[SharkSnack]

I guess I’m officially engaged to be engaged.
I’m not one for being the centre of attention, I certainly wouldn’t have wanted a big, elaborate, public proposal, but I would have liked a bit of romance and effort.
It will be the second wedding for both of us. It happened while we were laying in bed, ready to go to sleep when he came out with “this might not be the best time to mention this” (We’d just finished rude activities) “but I want us to be engaged by the end of the year. How about we go shopping for a ring over the summer?” So that’s it. That’s the proposal I’m getting, no thought or imagination. I have to pick my own engagement ring. It feels really disappointing.
I’m not really looking for advice, I guess I just wanted to offload.

@Changingplace that's your opinion

You were though 😆 if you'd agreed to get married you were engaged. You just didn't tell anyone.

No, it's literally what engaged means. Agreeing to get married. You can't agree to get married then get engaged at a later date. It's already happened.

Is it because he didn’t ask but just baldly stated what he wanted and in what timeframe as if it was a given you’d agree?

I

I was a bit disappointed with mine because it was really abrupt. We were on a mini break in Paris and he had been telling me all the run up to the trip and while we were there "I'm not going to propose, you know" and I was fine with that but but fed up of him saying it continually.

Then after dinner one night he suddenly lunged across the table, grabbed my hand, and out of the blue said "will you marry me?"

I was so taken aback I thought he was drunk and made him ask me again in the morning, but he still didn't do it romantically.

16 years married and it still annoys me. He doesn't have a romantic bone in his body.

I chose my ring and was happy to do so but he didn't have anything with him to propose with at all.

We'd been 13 years together - but both single parents living in separate houses - and we were out cycling one day. Stopped for a breather and he said ' Well I suppose we should get married then? ' Then he cycled off ! When I caught up with him about half a mile later . I said ' was that a proposal? '
That was 20 years ago .. we now have grandchildren..

Aw, I think that's a lovely proposal - mine suggested we look at whether we should get married for tax purposes!

Plus if you are going to wear a ring it needs to be one you like.

And yes you are engaged now. Don't let him string that out for years, pick a date this weekend.

Oh and no rings - either engagement or wedding.. but very much married

I think it was lovely really nice how he asked you it feels more personal.

The biggest cringe for me is a man asking in front of people and on one knee all a big thing like showing off to ask one thing.

@DracoDormiensNumquamTittilandum understandable but some people want a nice romantic memory ... something to look back on and so what ? Whether they know they're going to get married in the future or not? 😊 she's not in the wrong to feel disappointed. Some people would be happy with that, some aren't. We're all different.

Well mine said “you doing anything Saturday as I thought we could get married”. Special licence and we were - that was 42 years ago. No engagement ring but he’s made up for it since!

I like it. Authentic.

That sounds about right for real life. Sadly romance seems to be limited to books and films

Aww I love this.

Our friends made him.get down on one knee outside the registry office to do it properly .. ..He said ' What ? this is a new suit!" .. he did though ! I cant remember what I said ....😂

Sounds ideal to me.

I think this means there's a romantic proposal on the way. That's why he said "hope to be engaged". He clearly did not think of this as the engagement. He's planning something.

But in case he isn't, say something direct so he knows that's what you want and expect like "Oh I love receiving grand romantic gestures and the idea of a romantic well planned proposal! Looking forward to when you do mine!"

Hints and vagueness are too risky and lead to disappointment so I think it's ok to be very direct and clear like this.

And from the sounds of it this is already something he wants to do.

I think that his proposal makes you sound in tune, as though he trusts you, even if you were hoping for something more conventionally romantic.

I chose my ring with my dh of 25 years - 10 days. We were skint so it doubled as my birthday present. For some reason he’d taken my birthday off work and I hadn’t so I left him in bed asleep, opened my card and he’d written ‘how about it then’. Very happily married to my best, very rational and devoted friend.

I get it, OP. You've got the mundane, daily stuff already and for once, you'd have liked the fluffy, romantic, perfect memory that seemingly everybody else (that isn't on Mumsnet) seems to get, instead of another thing to add to the shopping list once you've put the sheets in the wash tomorrow morning.

This.

Grow up a bit

I get it, OP. How are you feeling now?

Mine “proposed” during an argument, but I didn’t even realise at the time. Months later we were absolutely wasted and I said, “well, we may as well”. The ring shopping was the romantic bit - I chose the most beautiful ring in the shop, he couldn’t and def wouldn’t have picked it on his own. You need to love it as you will wear it every day. Do you WANT to be married to this man? This is the only thing you should be asking yourself.

Also, congratulations 🍾

He is the love of your life.
You are the love of his life.
You get to spend the rest of your lives together!
You get to chose a ring that you like.
But again, most importantly, you get to be with the love of your life forever! Congratulations!

sarcasm alert
Hell yes! Sooo much better to have a massive public show without asking ahead of time if it’s what you want too! Got to love being blindsided with the pressure of all eyes on you and everyone silently willing you to say yes to the ring and marriage.

You have to choose your ring or you get to choose your ring? You’re going to be wearing it, why wouldn’t you want to pick it?!

Ours is a second marriage for both of us. We knew we wanted to get married, buy a house and have a baby, we saw an IFA about a mortgage and went to get a takeaway and DH said shall we get married next? Then we both smiled at each other, had a kiss and went home to have a shag and picked a date. We chose rings together a bit after, got hitched a few months later. I wouldn’t change a thing.

I got a full on candles in the moonlight, down on one knee with a ring shebang the first time round. The marriage was shit.