I can’t help but feel disappointed by his “proposal”

[SharkSnack]

I guess I’m officially engaged to be engaged.
I’m not one for being the centre of attention, I certainly wouldn’t have wanted a big, elaborate, public proposal, but I would have liked a bit of romance and effort.
It will be the second wedding for both of us. It happened while we were laying in bed, ready to go to sleep when he came out with “this might not be the best time to mention this” (We’d just finished rude activities) “but I want us to be engaged by the end of the year. How about we go shopping for a ring over the summer?” So that’s it. That’s the proposal I’m getting, no thought or imagination. I have to pick my own engagement ring. It feels really disappointing.
I’m not really looking for advice, I guess I just wanted to offload.

He had a grown up conversation with you and communicated his thoughts and feelings. This is much more important than silly movie like proposals.

I actually find it quite sweet and authentic the way he did it :). Simple, to the point and very much “just to let you know, I want you to be mine. You can choose the ring“. I quite like it ❤️😄

Not what you expect when you're ready to turn the lights out. Did you have any idea the pre-proposal was coming?

This is pretty much how it happened for me, I loved it as wanted to pick my own ring, we went to Hatton Garden and I picked one out and gave it to my partner to put away for when he did propose. Which turned out to be five minutes later around the corner in the rain as he couldn't wait. It was sweet actually.

So, you’ve talked about it and agreed you want to be married and decided to buy a ring. You’re engaged. The way he did it is actually the way I want it to happen, but not the wishy washy “we should get engaged,” just a simple “let’s be engaged.”

You’ve agreed to marry one another so you’re engaged. Why does it need to wait?

I had "my mum wants to know when we're getting married" on the way to the corner shop one very hungover Sunday.

Been married 28 years and still going strong. Stupid romantic gestures are meaningless.

I agree that it sounds quite nice and authentic

I really hope by "rude activities" you mean you've been flipping people off or turning up for dinner empty handed 😈

Surely picking your own ring is optimal?

Main question is, do you want to marry him or not?

So much better to choose one's own ring - perfect.

There's no such thing as engaged to be engaged - once you've decided you're getting married, that's it! You are engaged!

I actually think the way he asked was lovely - it was intimate and genuine, not some god awful staged thing! I like the spontaneity and the real feeling behind it.
Choosing your own ring is a definite plus - you know you'll get something you will want y wear forever. You can make a lovely day of ring shopping!

My DH and me proposed to each other really, over the phone. We were in the middle of a rather drama filled situation (no other parties involved, both single, but so odd as to be outing)

Him "Well you know that I'd marry you tomorrow"

Me "So would I"

Him "Are we engaged then?"

Married years now 😂

If you go ring shopping can't he keep hold of it and plan something nice for the "actual" proposal?

My DH was scared of buying a ring I didn't like so I chose it and he held onto it for months... and though I knew at some point there would be a proposal, he took me out for a meal 2 days before Xmas and a stroll along the harbour before getting on one knee. It was lovely.

This sounds perfect. You both want to.get married, so you both go to pick the ring together. I hate the idea of a man just presenting a woman with a ring.... if you're going to spend the rest of your lives together, then surely a joint decision is actually more romantic?

We had a similar discussion, chose a ring together, and then DP took the ring and proposed with it when he was ready/ in a place he wanted to. We weren't engaged until then.

I'd just tell him. If you want him to choose the ring, give him some idea what you would like. I'd had lots of input in mine many years ago and enjoyed shopping for it, but I understand that some like the idea of their partner choosing. But likely, he's scared of spending a considerable sum on something you don't like. It's quite a responsibility choosing something so personal for someone else. Then tell him you would like the bended knee in a romantic spot proposal if that's what you want.

Romanticism really isn't everything. We got engaged and bought a ring one day when out shopping, but then a few years later we were out shopping again when my husband to be suddenly said "I've seen a cruise that would make a great honeymoon, shall we get married?" We were married a few weeks later, a very, very low key affair (my choice), and had the most amazing honeymoon. We are still together many, many years later.

I had a similar moment when my note husband said 'so what do you reckon, shall we get married ' when we were in a bar with his friend from work who was recently married and telling us all how brilliant it was. I went to the loo and gave my head a wobble...did I want to be married or have an over the top proposal?

I decided I wanted to be married and that was the most important part. We had a lovely time choosing my engagement ring and we celebrate 22 yrs married this weekend

I thinks that’s rather sweet.

Not sure what's wring with choosing your ring; you'll be the one wearing it, so it makes perfect sense to pick it out.

I think that’s lovely, as soon as you’ve agreed you’re getting married you’re engaged, so there’s no ‘engaged to be engaged’ that’s just silly. Congrats, go and pick a ring, set a date :)

My husband is not remotely romantic in the traditional sense but when our kids threw up on me in the night he ran us a bath and changed the sheets. He never ever buys me flowers but he’s always got my back.

its not about romantic gestures it’s about intimacy. I’d have loved that sort of “proposal” and I’d definitely have wanted to choose my own ring.

Mine was low key

So we then spent 6 weeks planning a great weekend away where we'd announce e to "the world" -our parents knew before.

Everyone thought he was so romantic lol whisking me off to Disneyland Paris to propose lol

The ‘actual’ proposal is when a couple agrees to get married, it’s already done :)

What a lovely, spontaneous, thoughtful, intimate way to discuss getting married. Did you expect a song and dance and performance? Why?