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Original poster

Most bizarre first date ...

171 replies

nonspap · 28/06/2024 09:34

I went on a first date last night. We're both in our early fifties. We met for drinks from six. I was meeting others for dinner at eight. At seven his sister rang to see if he'd join them
For dinner .. he asked me there and then what my plans were so I told him.
He was a bit put out as o think he thought we were going f to have some sort of booze filled session.
He told me that his family would be passing down .. we were seated outside the bar.
Anyway .. at ten to eight he said ' there they are' jumped up and said ' right, I'm
Off' and left me there !!!!
I was shocked.
He started texting me then saying he had a great evening !!!
I told him how exceptionally rude he was and that nothing like that had never happened
Me Before .
He then replied by saying ' But you said you did t want to
Meet them..'
I'm actually laughing as I think about it now but I was disgusted at the time ..
I can't get over how he thought I'd or indeed any woman would accept that shit!
Old me would have possibly given him a second chance. Healed me is like, jog on.

OP posts:
Madwife3006 · 02/07/2024 14:36

I don’t think he’s at fault here. You told him you had other plans from 8pm, in all honesty I find this a bit strange, unless you’d planned for the date to end at 8pm in advance.
He was then given the opportunity to meet with his family and he took it. What sort of long lingering goodbye did you want after 2 hours?
I think if I found out a date had other plans in place 2 hours later, I’d make a hasty retreat too.

TiramisuTastesDreamy · 02/07/2024 15:08

I don’t get what he did wrong ! You made it clear you had other plans from 8pm, why would it not be ok for him to leave 😝

Dogslipstick · 02/07/2024 15:09

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

PloddingAlong21 · 02/07/2024 15:26

laughing at the image of this in my head.

OP I think I see your point, it was a swift departure. However…it was 750 and you yourself hasn’t said bye or departed? How much longer were you going to leave it before you too jumped off and ran away from him?

I think you’ve over analysed this one a bit much. You told him you had until 8, he saw his sister so left based on your own timings. Perhaps he didn’t want you to meet his family or didn’t want to meet yours?

I guess put differently, what did you anticipate he do? What would you have rather he had done in your view of a polite goodbye?

LondonPapa · 02/07/2024 16:13

nonspap · 28/06/2024 16:49

My mind is blown that anyone could think that jumping up and essentially
Leaving me on a high stool without warning, is ok at the end of a date.
He knew I was there for a drink or two or not an open ended timeframe and he knew the reasons why, which were valid.
This was a first date . I have no intention of spending any more than the time it takes for a drink or two with a man I've literally just met. That's how I date.

He left you because you sound insufferable. Probably the easiest get out he ever had on a date.

Anonym00se · 02/07/2024 16:23

WavingTree · 28/06/2024 16:59

What kind of farewell would you be expecting?

You’d at least expect a “Well it’s been lovely to meet you, @nonspap. I’d better be making a move to catch my sister. Enjoy the rest of your evening”.

If they just jumped up and legged it while shouting “bye” over their shoulder, I’d find that very rude!

BustyLaRoux · 02/07/2024 17:01

Actually I think you sound like the rude one. Unless I have misunderstood as your post wasn’t entirely clear, but I think:

  1. you agreed to meet for a first date but in your head (ie not communicated at the time of arranging the date) you allocated 2 hours as you think this is plenty of time for a drink
  2. You made arrangements to see your sister at 8pm but in the same restaurant as the date
  3. His sister called to ask if he wanted to meet and he asked if you wanted to
  4. You communicated only at this point that no, you didn’t want to meet his sister and had actually made plans at 8pm
  5. His sister then arrived a few minutes before the time you had allocated for this man had run out and he, probably not wanting to cause you embarrassment as you’d said you had plans, said goodbye and left

Here is why I think you were rude/odd:

  1. You allocated him 2 hours and say later that you think this is adequate time for a first date. But this chap isn’t a mind reader. You didn’t communicate that.
  2. I think it’s rude to make an arrangement like that. If I arranged a first date with someone and they then told me they’d arranged to see their mates in 2 hours it kind of says “you can have two hours of my time and that’s all you’re getting!” I would feel hurt and I probably wouldn’t want to see them again to be honest.
  3. Arranging to see your sister in the same restaurant is odd. Then it means the other person has to leave. Again it says “right, you’ve had your two hours. Off you go. I’ll be staying here but you need to go now!” Again, this is particularly rude I think.
  4. He asked if his sister should join you (this bit of your post was less clear) and you said no. You made that clear I think. You didn’t want to meet her. You stated you had plans and so he probably felt free to make plans of his own as clearly you weren’t going to be allocating him any more time. He left a few minutes before 8pm leaving you to your plans.
  5. He then messaged you and you called HIM rude! You were the rude one and I think this chap had a lucky escape by the sound of it.
  6. Oh and despite the majority of people on here telling you that you’re in the wrong you seem completely incapable of reflecting on that.
KomodoOhno · 02/07/2024 17:01

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Duechristmas · 02/07/2024 18:03

Not entirely sure what he did wrong?

Duechristmas · 02/07/2024 18:04

User576326783789 · 28/06/2024 10:12

Clearly I’m in the minority here but yes, although it was fine that he left for other plans as you were too, I agree that the way he left seems pretty abrupt/rude given he was apparently keen.

I had someone on a first date after a couple of hours get a phone call from a mate inviting him to the pub (not a pre existing plan) to which he immediately called an end to our evening to go see his mates. It made me assume that he perhaps just wasn’t that interested and I thought fair enough, but once he left he was immediately messaging about how great I was and continued to hound me to keep seeing him for months afterwards. So yes, I think the weird part is doing something that makes them seem uninterested but then telling you they are? Actions louder than words etc

That was his safe get out

MyCatHatesSandals · 02/07/2024 18:09

nonspap · 28/06/2024 16:49

My mind is blown that anyone could think that jumping up and essentially
Leaving me on a high stool without warning, is ok at the end of a date.
He knew I was there for a drink or two or not an open ended timeframe and he knew the reasons why, which were valid.
This was a first date . I have no intention of spending any more than the time it takes for a drink or two with a man I've literally just met. That's how I date.

In agreement, OP. I can't believe how many people would expect such low standards as normal or acceptable.

rodhame · 02/07/2024 18:13

@BustyLaRoux ... apart from
The fact that most of your' bullet point' opinions are based on factually incorrect information 😂😂😂 .
Lord only knows where you gleaned half of those facts from ???
If you are interested, reread my
Posts only. The facts are there.
Thanks for taking the time to respond though.

sunnygardens · 02/07/2024 18:23

I agree, I think he was rude and I wouldn't have liked it. I believe it's called having standards! I call it basic manners which he apparently doesn't have. I would not be seeing him again!

BustyLaRoux · 02/07/2024 18:24

rodhame · 02/07/2024 18:13

@BustyLaRoux ... apart from
The fact that most of your' bullet point' opinions are based on factually incorrect information 😂😂😂 .
Lord only knows where you gleaned half of those facts from ???
If you are interested, reread my
Posts only. The facts are there.
Thanks for taking the time to respond though.

Sorry are you the OP? Why would I need to read your posts otherwise??
If you are the OP then I did read your posts. All of them. And as I said you weren’t entirely clear. So yeah, my opinions are based on what I thought you said. You did say you had arranged to meet someone at the same place (you sister?) at 8pm. And that two hours was surely long enough for a drink. You did say you told him that when he asked about meeting his sister (though perhaps that but wasn’t clear and I misunderstood). Arranging to meet friends/relatives after 2 hours is rude. I don’t care if you think some of the details aren’t quite how they came across. You did say you had arranged to meet you sister I think. And plainly that is quite rude. As many people on here have said. So yeah my opinion about you not wanting to reflect on what all these kind people on MN are telling you stands I’m afraid. Your recent update, if that is you OP, has really done very little to persuade me otherwise 😂

BustyLaRoux · 02/07/2024 18:26

nonspap · 28/06/2024 10:01

If it had been me, I would have arranged to meet my sister there, as I had .

Here we are: he should have arranged to meet his sister there as I had.

So you did arrange to meet your sister there. You’ve just stated “as I had”. Either you arranged to meet your sister there. Or your post is confusing and that’s not what you did. Fact.

BustyLaRoux · 02/07/2024 18:28

nonspap · 28/06/2024 11:30

He knew we
We're meeting for just a drink or two.
I told him I would be meeting family for dinner two hours later.
I thought that this was straight and honest from the get go .

So you told him you’d allocated two hours and had made plans. This is rude. Fact. Most people on here agree. I am sorry you cannot see that.

BustyLaRoux · 02/07/2024 18:29

nonspap · 28/06/2024 14:06

Again... I had told him
Pre date that I was free for a drink or two at a certain time. I have other commitments that he knew about. I would never leave a time of more than two hours on a first date . That's just my
Personal preference .

“I have other commitments that I told him about” sorry but again this comes across as rude!

BustyLaRoux · 02/07/2024 18:31

I can’t really be bothered to waste any more time explaining why you were rude. As ever with people who refuse to consider they might not be in the right you’re going to argue about detail rather than focus on the main point. Which I will
repeat a last time: YOU WERE THE RUDE ONE!

Harvestfestivalknickers · 02/07/2024 19:04

The whole thing sounds odd to me. You agreed to meet for drinks around six but were then going out for dinner at 8 with your family. Seems a bit rushed - what if you really enjoyed his company? I would have felt miffed if I turned up for a first date to be told my date was going elsewhere in a couple of hours. I suspect he felt put out and decided to just jump ship when he saw his family.

5128gap · 02/07/2024 19:13

He asked you to dinner with his family. You declined. He gave you warning they were on their way. When they arrived he quickly left with them probably to spare you having to meet them and/or not to keep them waiting. He messaged you straight after. Now, I consider myself to have a high bar for manners and consideration, but I'm struggling to see what you'd have wanted to be different? A long lingering goodbye in front of his folks?

EBearhug · 02/07/2024 20:07

I think 2 hours is fine for a first date - many of mine have been shorter. I'm quite a fan of a lunch date. But it's always been clear beforehand that one of us has to leave (if not both.) Others have ended after an hour or two through mutual agreement. But I don't think any have been curtailed by other plans that weren't previously mentioned.

Themodeltho · 02/07/2024 20:17

None of this is odd. I do not see why you’re telling him to jog on???? He sounds great.

AnOldCynic · 02/07/2024 20:22

He might use his sister as a way to get out of a date that's not going very well. They probably have some secret squirrel code they use on the phone which means 'help, come and rescue me...'

QuizNight · 02/07/2024 20:53

Two points:

  1. it was you who was rude, OP
  2. people seem to be under the impression that he invited the OP for food with sister but I don’t think that’s the case. I think him asking about OP’s plans was saying ‘is this going well, how long do you think we will be?’ When OP said ‘I’m going soon, I’ve got other plans that don’t involve you’ he decided to go for dinner with sister at the time OP stated (but sister arrived a few minutes earlier so he rushed off to meet her before she saw OP as OP said she didn’t want to meet sister).
FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 02/07/2024 21:29

A mannerly goodbye? Wtf is one of those 🤣🤣🤣
Anyways, he might have been a bit abrupt in his departure but I don't actually think he did anything wrong. You told him you had other plans at 8, he left at 7.50-not a problem.

I think the real issue for you is that you felt like a twat being left sat on your own but at the end of the day this was your own doing. It was rude to have given him an allocated time slot but even ruder to not actually inform him of this until halfway through it.

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