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Original poster

Most bizarre first date ...

171 replies

nonspap · 28/06/2024 09:34

I went on a first date last night. We're both in our early fifties. We met for drinks from six. I was meeting others for dinner at eight. At seven his sister rang to see if he'd join them
For dinner .. he asked me there and then what my plans were so I told him.
He was a bit put out as o think he thought we were going f to have some sort of booze filled session.
He told me that his family would be passing down .. we were seated outside the bar.
Anyway .. at ten to eight he said ' there they are' jumped up and said ' right, I'm
Off' and left me there !!!!
I was shocked.
He started texting me then saying he had a great evening !!!
I told him how exceptionally rude he was and that nothing like that had never happened
Me Before .
He then replied by saying ' But you said you did t want to
Meet them..'
I'm actually laughing as I think about it now but I was disgusted at the time ..
I can't get over how he thought I'd or indeed any woman would accept that shit!
Old me would have possibly given him a second chance. Healed me is like, jog on.

OP posts:
Eyesopenwideawake · 28/06/2024 10:09

Sounds like he made the right decision.

User576326783789 · 28/06/2024 10:12

Clearly I’m in the minority here but yes, although it was fine that he left for other plans as you were too, I agree that the way he left seems pretty abrupt/rude given he was apparently keen.

I had someone on a first date after a couple of hours get a phone call from a mate inviting him to the pub (not a pre existing plan) to which he immediately called an end to our evening to go see his mates. It made me assume that he perhaps just wasn’t that interested and I thought fair enough, but once he left he was immediately messaging about how great I was and continued to hound me to keep seeing him for months afterwards. So yes, I think the weird part is doing something that makes them seem uninterested but then telling you they are? Actions louder than words etc

NoSnowdrop · 28/06/2024 10:16

nonspap · 28/06/2024 10:01

If it had been me, I would have arranged to meet my sister there, as I had .

Omg but he only found out during the date that you had other plans and he only had a 2 hour slot with you.

what if his family didn’t want to meet at that venue?

sorry to hear you’ve had trouble in the past but I think YABU here, he did nothing wrong apart from abruptly leave before his allotted time was up!

Dontletme · 28/06/2024 10:18

I think it sounds fine considering you were leaving anyway.

imnotsickbutimnotwell · 28/06/2024 10:20

I don’t think he did anything wrong. You said you were busy from 8pm so he left you to it. You do not know each other, you are not friends so no need for a prolonged goodbyes.

SamW98 · 28/06/2024 10:25

User576326783789 · 28/06/2024 10:12

Clearly I’m in the minority here but yes, although it was fine that he left for other plans as you were too, I agree that the way he left seems pretty abrupt/rude given he was apparently keen.

I had someone on a first date after a couple of hours get a phone call from a mate inviting him to the pub (not a pre existing plan) to which he immediately called an end to our evening to go see his mates. It made me assume that he perhaps just wasn’t that interested and I thought fair enough, but once he left he was immediately messaging about how great I was and continued to hound me to keep seeing him for months afterwards. So yes, I think the weird part is doing something that makes them seem uninterested but then telling you they are? Actions louder than words etc

She had already told him she had other plans anyway and the date could only last 2 hours so I don’t see he’s in the wrong for agreeing to meet his family seeing as the date was going to be over any way.

I see this more as the OP telling him he only had an allocated time at her convenience rather than him being uninterested.

StickyProblem · 28/06/2024 10:26

It could be that he was just a bit awkward and rushed off too abruptly.
It's very hard on a first date and particularly if his family had arrived and he didn't want to be working out whether to hug you or kiss you on the cheek or shake hands or whatever with his family watching.
How was the rest of the date, did you get on well? Did conversation flow easily?

Afternoonteavirgin · 28/06/2024 10:28

Why didn't you tell him when you both arranged the date, that you had plans at 8?

That's bizarre to me. I don't think I'd even tell actually, I'd ask! "Oh that night? I'm meeting friends for dinner at 8 but it's nearby, so if you'd be happy to meet me just for a couple of drinks we can do?"

Otherwise you'd have potentially have made him waste most of his evening.

The way he left does sound slightly abrupt but I'd have been annoyed with you for not being clear, if I were him.

Moier · 28/06/2024 10:32

But when you arranged to meet him.. did you tell him before hand you had other plans at eight?
No you told him while you were on the date. .. which was rude of you.
If his sister hadn't rung he would have just been left there.
Thank goodness for his sister is all l can say.

Georgesbar24 · 28/06/2024 10:35

Not bizarre at all.

HoppingPavlova · 28/06/2024 10:36

He has dodged a bullet, and your text afterwards will have only reinforced that.

What on earth did you want him to do? Sit there like a pillock until 8pm on the dot when he was expected to swap seats with your sister and bugger off? Knowing he had a use by date of 8pm he rightly made other plans that involved having to make a swift exit when his family swung by, likely so he didn’t keep them waiting. It’s unreasonable to think someone has to sit with you until it suits you and then you ? dismiss them and they are allowed to get up and leave? Do you work in a school?

SamW98 · 28/06/2024 10:36

Moier · 28/06/2024 10:32

But when you arranged to meet him.. did you tell him before hand you had other plans at eight?
No you told him while you were on the date. .. which was rude of you.
If his sister hadn't rung he would have just been left there.
Thank goodness for his sister is all l can say.

I agree with this. If I was on a date I would be very put out if someone announced they had other plans that evening. It would feel like I was being squeezed in to suit them and to not tell him beforehand is really rude imo. If his sister hasn’t called him when did you plan to tell him he was on a stopwatch?

Thankfully his sister saved him wasting the rest of his evening.

And to tell him he was rude after he sent you a nice message - sorry OP but I think you’re the rude one here.

CultOfRamen · 28/06/2024 10:38

nonspap · 28/06/2024 09:42

I had no issue with him leaving but he literally jumped up from
His chair and left while shouting
'Bye'. That to me is rude

Or he was nervous? Socially awkward? Thought you weren’t interested because you made other plans which is always an excellent get out of a date you don’t like or don’t fancy….

letmeeatinpeace · 28/06/2024 10:39

At least they didn't join you on the date (I've had that before).

Opentooffers · 28/06/2024 10:55

Healed you is still angry at men so giving them short shrift. Squeezing him into a slot before an arranged meet.
It's also a tad odd as an idea to arrange to meet family in the same place as a first date.
I think you lost him already at the 8pm curfew, I shouldn't think he's bothered about your assessment since. He won't want to be held responsible and treated differently because of a prior man who's done you wrong.

Original poster
nonspap · 28/06/2024 10:57

It was a first date. And we agreed to meet for a drink . He knew that it was just a drink

OP posts:
butterpuffed · 28/06/2024 10:58

SamW98 · 28/06/2024 10:25

She had already told him she had other plans anyway and the date could only last 2 hours so I don’t see he’s in the wrong for agreeing to meet his family seeing as the date was going to be over any way.

I see this more as the OP telling him he only had an allocated time at her convenience rather than him being uninterested.

Edited
Show quote history

Op hadn't told him that at all until the man's sister rang up and he asked OP what her plans were . OP said he was a bit put out . I'm not surprised !

.

SamW98 · 28/06/2024 11:01

butterpuffed · 28/06/2024 10:58

Op hadn't told him that at all until the man's sister rang up and he asked OP what her plans were . OP said he was a bit put out . I'm not surprised !

.

Edited
Show quote history

I agree. If his sister hasn’t called, at what point would she had told him the clock was ticking on the time she’d allotted him

Couldyounot · 28/06/2024 11:02

Sounds like dating isn't the right fit for you there, OP

GoldDuster · 28/06/2024 11:02

nonspap · 28/06/2024 10:57

It was a first date. And we agreed to meet for a drink . He knew that it was just a drink

If anything it sounds like he panicked in the moment and bumbled his exit, due to awkwardness, and wanting to avoid any accidental "meet my sister" moments, but he then sent you a friendly text.

Which bit of it are you shocked and disgusted at OP?

NoSnowdrop · 28/06/2024 11:03

nonspap · 28/06/2024 10:57

It was a first date. And we agreed to meet for a drink . He knew that it was just a drink

So? A drink and chat can take longer than a few hours. You’re not being fair to him.

What if you hadn’t arranged anything else that evening and he’d told you he had a prior appointment at 8pm? How would you feel? You’d probably want to dash off too and get the hell out of there.

PrincessMee · 28/06/2024 11:03

What the heck? 🤷‍♀️

HowIrresponsible · 28/06/2024 11:05

nonspap · 28/06/2024 09:42

I had no issue with him leaving but he literally jumped up from
His chair and left while shouting
'Bye'. That to me is rude

I'd probably have done the same if someone turned up on a date whilst having other plans thst meant they needed to leave in less than 2 hours.

What was he meant to do?

SamW98 · 28/06/2024 11:06

nonspap · 28/06/2024 10:57

It was a first date. And we agreed to meet for a drink . He knew that it was just a drink

And did you tell him BEFORE the date he only had a 2 hour time slot?

I’ve been on just drinks dates that lasted 4/5 hours if we got on well.

If I turned up on a date and was told halfway through they had other plans that evening I’d be put out too. The fact he messaged you afterwards is to his credit and yet you were rude to him for no reason.

I’m not sure you’re as healed as you think OP

pinkyredrose · 28/06/2024 11:08

How fucking rude to say 'right I'm off' at the end of a date and then just dissappear.

Very surprised other posters can't see this.