Stumped.. even at my advanced age by guy?

[Swanmute]

Would welcome all advice. Dating again in midlife.. been with loving, attentive partner for six months, sex life revigorated. Promises made, holidays booked etc etc. phones me all time.. utterly loving. Yesterday I was shocked that he drove me home from his house early, barely after 10 pm, gave me my coat and casserole dish( I’d cooked tea) and basically’ There’s your hat, what’s your hurry’.. attitude. Today not willing to talk about it, closed down. I asked for conversation to clarify..not happened. So I’m giving him space but he does know I’m finding his behaviour unfathomable.
Two factors he works away.. part of time offshore, we’ve managed this well to date, love seeing him when he’s home. Secondly my adult son is recovering from cancer, going well waiting at moment for CT scan which will hopefully be clear. This man was Uber communicative to me, incredibly responsive and communicative. Was I love bombed..not feeling great tonight?

It sounds as though you want some sort of closure. And whilst I understand this, the thing is that you are unlikely to ever get it. Because when people behave like this, it's because they are inherently disordered.

when people behave like this, it's because they are inherently disordered

bingo.

So predictable.🙄

Actually I think some men do this to see how you will respond. They will see if you accept their shitty behaviour.

Maybe they can fake it for a while, or more likely it will not become an issue for a while as the mother will probably keep her romantic life relatively separate to begin with. However, agree such a man will probably bow out quickly if the mother’s responsibilities get “in the way”. Worst case scenario, the children’s interests are ignored by both in pursuit of their ‘relasshionship’. Finally, as a single mother myself, it was harder to find a boyfriend, especially when middle aged, so perhaps one’s sense of the man’s real personality or compatibility gets a bit skewed.

Looks like he's starting the crawl back to you! Balls definitely in your court now.

How is he still able to contact you?

I'd have blocked him on everything by now.

OP, for your sanity, stop questioning this. He lovebombed you, and now he's dumped you. His last message is attempting to gaslight you. If you respond, he'll be telling you he doesn't know what you're talking about, nothings changed, it was always a casual thing or you knew it wasn't going to last, or whatever. Whatever he says will be infuriating and unfair and lies.

The only thing to do is ignore him. Block him if you need to. Otherwise, just commit to never speaking to him again. He will be back in touch when he thinks you'll be so desperate to hear from him that you'll do anything he wants. Don't play that game.

If you want to text him, it should be along the lines of, this lack of communication doesn't work for me, so let's end things here. DO NOT engage in further conversation with him.

The person you thought he was is not real. He was pretending. You can't get that person back because he never existed. Now you're seeing the real him - the only version of him that will ever be available to you in any way again. Don't let him use you any more.

OMG?! Yes write back what you said

I’m going to ignore him now. I don’t want him to get even an inkling of how badly he affected me, I’m trying to stop obsessing about the ‘fake’guy and your comments help. It would just happen again and again and I’ve no desire to be used further. Thanks

Lol yeh hes testing the waters, up to you how you play it, if u respond all light and with a 'thanks, hope you do too' then he'l think hes in 🙄 if you respond more aggressively with 'wtf you playing at!' He'l probs disappear or poss get defensive, he forgot, was ill, didnt realise, cat was sick or some nonsense.....then obvs your the psycho 🤦‍♀️

Absolutely the right thing. No response is the best response.

Any contact he’ll see as a way back in.

This is exactly what I meant yesterday. I actually don't think he even realises the way he made you feel or even think that it's over. I have a feeling he doesn't think anything went wrong the weekend and that you're both the same as usual.

If thats the case then how is he going to talk his way out of missing yesterday's 11am date?

You will be OK and find someone more genuine.

He was golfing, forgot. Why didn't you remind me?

Normal people don’t behave like this. He sounds like a manchild. If this is him now he will be even worse if that’s possible down the line.

He does realise. He knows what he did and how he was to me Saturday, he gaslit then stonewalled me on Sunday. I was open for a conversation..? Then he stood me up on Monday, we’d a trip away planned, he’d pick me up at 11 am. He’s been never off the golf course this week, then tries to make contact today when he’s got rained off probably.
I’ve become an option and it’s not on. He fully realises his behaviour but he might not realise my response yet?

If it was me, I'd attempt an open and honest conversation. Even if the relationship is over, isn't it the grown up thing to do?

Sod a one sided 'grown up conversation'. People are only treated badly if they allow it.

If it was me, I'd attempt an open and honest conversation.

She has attempted an open and honest conversation, more than once. He shut it down. He doesn't want an open and honest conversation because what he wants is to play golf on a whim, have an option for sex & casserole when it suits him, and to manoeuvre OP around that. If he'd told her that's what he wants, she would have never dated him and that doesn't suit him. Now she realises what he's about, the best thing is just to ignore him.

I think he does realise, fully or partly. But does he care? Nah. He’s going for the mind games now as well. Twerp.

Yes and I did offer that ‘adult conversation’ two or three times on Sunday he wouldn’t engage.I got ready on Monday as we’d made firm plans, booked tickets etc, he stood me up.. not a word. He’s been playing golf all day/ everyday.. and I hadn’t seen him for 17 days. No.. no more attempts to converse from me. He’s showing who he is..?

@Planesmistakenforstars ”sex and casserole” 😂

This exactly my wise friend..