Dating Thread 249 - Summer

[librauk]

The Rules:

• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*
*

That is where I found mister happily married.

I’m leaning to that assumption tbh. Although last weeks date and my date for Fri are both from there! Both defo single! However the same guys are on most of the apps!

I just cannot bring myself to do it again. I met my now ex and the man who I believed I was in love with (turned out to be the most manipulative man I have ever met) on tinder and thought wow how lucky am I but you start to see things when you end a relationship and start thinking about things and I went on that fb thing for a day or so that was it and honestly it turned my stomach. I am clearly not ready for another relationship anyway but I just don't think I could go on another app again. That said there really is nowhere else I could meet someone other than online.

@Singleandnotsureifreadytomingle im at my wits end with it honestly. The half decent looking ones are shits. The one who I “had a sleepover” with at weekend has been breadcrumbing me since. He asked what my plans for weekend were, so I basically outlined them clearly keeping Saturday free to open the door to him asking me out and nope. Nothing - so chat is now gone and I’m reading the mr unavailable book! I don’t know what app alternatives are, wish I knew

Another negative update from me, lovely man but definitely no spark from my perspective. I did really try but could not for the life of me imagine getting naked with the man. Ever. Would have been a lovely friend but that's not what either of us are looking for. I do think it's an age thing, I rarely fancy men my age or older.

I do get younger ones messaging me and I always ignore them but perhaps I need to consider it! But I really only want something that could be long term and can't see how that would work.

Feeling quite sad about it all. I know I just need to have a total break from the apps, delete and then come back in a few weeks but there is always something that pulls me back in.

@Mckittens I'm sorry to hear that there was no chemistry I defo understand when you say nice man but I can't imagine myself naked with him. Oh have I been there.

Younger men and if it's sustainable, well Emmanuel Macron (and he is so fit) married an older woman and he is the president of France. Tbh I find men in their 20's and 30's much less jaded about life though I fancy men who are a bit older myself.

Whatever you do take care of your MH 💐

It can be hard taking the plunge to have a break can't it, but it is actually really refreshing.
I've had a couple weeks off and I'm excited to rejoin.
I'm not rejoining until I have a new nice photo though so I feel like I have a fresh profile 🙈

@Mckittens sent too soon! So sorry to hear about your date. It's so disappointing isn't it and draining. You're right to not proceed with someone when there's no spark, you would never be happy!
Maybe even just a week break might help ❤️

Thank you @cassiatwenty and @blacksocks33 really appreciate your kind words.

I feel daft for feeling so down about it. He sent a really lovely message asking to meet again and when I declined he sent another really lovely, funny message back wishing me all the best. And now I'm thinking maybe I should have met him again but I didn't want to waste his time and I know deep down it was the right thing to do. Guess I just have to take the positive from it that there are decent men who can communicate well out there.

Just had a scroll through and came across a profile that I thought was a possible until they specified their love language as fingering 🤢🤢🤢

It's just soul crushing.

You are both right though I need a break and I also need to look after my mental health. Going to head to the gym later and I'm also trying to get back into reading. I used to love getting lost in a book but recently my attention span has disappeared, too much scrolling!!

@Bestlife18 are you waiting to be asked? I’d just ask outright if he wants to see you again.

He messaged this morning saying “oh I am free Saturday night!” So I’ve gone back direct now. I need to take more direct approach for sure!

@Mckittens this happened to a couple months ago. I had to decline to a really lovely guy. I could tell that he was absolutely not a player, he was so kind and considerate and I really felt special. But I couldn't imagine kissing him... and that's why I said no. He was so lovely about it, and then I doubted whether I did the right thing. But Helen I just kept reminding myself how I'd feel if he kissed me and how he would feel if I let him down.

There are good guys out there, he was one! I really do hope he's met someone since our date. He definitely deserves someone!

@Bestlife18 definitely be direct! Being direct means your intentions are clearly and you can't be misread!

Thanks @blacksocks33 yep - I am a direct person so don’t know why I turn into such an idiot when it comes to dating! I’m direct from now on and communicating what I want. Wish me luck!!

@Bestlife18 🙌🏽

I have a date in Monday night. Should have been Saturday, but you know, football 😂 I am not getting invested, but we are messaging daily. I haven’t been well this week and he checks in asking how I’m feeling. He seems sweet.

@LittleFloatingGhost thats good that he’s checking in and showing some level of care. Hope you are feeling better soon. I have been keeping away from ill people this week as I have the hot ex school friend date tomorrow night 😂

@Bestlife18 good plan. I mean, of all the germs to share, a cold is best avoided in this situation 😉😂

🤣 I know - can never be too safe 😂😂😂 really excited about tomorrow night - think he is going to be a bundle of energy which is beating the 50 year olds who can’t stay awake past 9pm! Literally!

How did the date go @Bestlife18 ??
Are you feeling better @LittleFloatingGhost ?
How’s everyone else getting on?

I’ve been dating Mr SV for a few weeks now which is fab. It’s quite chilled but his comms can be a bit rubbish which I’m not sure about. When I say rubbish, I mean he’s not very direct so he’ll hint that he’s free and it’s then 99% of the time me saying about doing something or suggesting it, rather than him saying that he’s free on X day and do I fancy doing something. Minor I know but it’s annoying me 🙄🤣

@Browniesandcustard it went well thanks - I’m not sure what the follow up will be. I’d definitely like to see where it could go though.

The comms you just mentioned sounds just like the other guy I met last weekend. It’s so annoying! He has actually been more direct and said he’d drive tonight and let’s go for dinner so that’s one bonus. Otherwise it’s like pulling teeth!!

@Bestlife18 good that you have something organised for tonight. Hope date #2 goes well.

My second dates have all been good, but there's a front runner! Mr Nature was even sweeter this time, but he's going away for the whole summer. I also think apart from the outdoors, we have little in common. Mr Skipper organised a fantastic night last, a hike up to a mountain hut, open fire and food and wine. Just what I love to do and he planned it brilliantly. But, Prof is funny and silly, we have loads to talk about, - and there's clear chemistry. We will take it further and are already making plans.

But I think I need to say this in order to give some hope for all of us on the apps- all three are decent men, good terms with ex- wives, looking after their kids (Mr Skipper's live with him full time) have been keen but respectful in their interactions with me. I want to keep them all as friends (no chemistry with Mr Skipper but he's just so nice). All have good comms, are attractive and are accommodating my limited time without pressure. Well, a bit of pressure from Prof, but that's flattering! So after 9 months and over 30 dates I may have hit the jackpot! There's hope for us all!

@Chocolatefreak thats amazing to hear!! I think the degree of planning that went into the one with the hike etc sounds incredible!!

definitely good to hear as I know I was despondent last weekend. Let’s see what happens tonight !

Well done! Nine months isn’t long at all for most online daters.

Can I ask you - are you especially attractive? Do you have kids? Successful job? These questions are more a reflection on me and where I might be going hopelessly wrong BTW!

@Chocolatefreak - that does sound amazing! Are all three around your age and all divorced dads? Just curious since I have never met anyone like them (I thought I did at first and then their true colours showed up ie narcissists or only after sex, disappearing to chase after the next conquest from OLD after a few weeks/months). Enjoy!

@Browniesandcustard Yes, thanks. Much better.

Was messaging him last night until I went to bed. I woke up this morning to a message asking if I wanted to bring our date forward. We weren’t able to ultimately, but I am really looking forward to meeting him next week. He has shared loads about him, pics and videos of his family and what he is looking for. Trying not to like him too much, but I’m liking everything so far! Will call him MrExcel.