Dating Thread 249 - Summer

[librauk]

The Rules:

• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*
*

Right, more questions.

Does sex positivity mean open relationships?

@FallenFigs someone did ask this a few threads ago, I can’t honestly remember.

I am wondering whether anyone has managed to turn something around where it started off like I did with the guy at weekend where I ended up staying over. He’s been messaging a bit since but he’s not falling over himself. Any hints or tips as to what to do? I’m thinking just let it play out and he will reveal his true intentions (probably has already). I’m trying to think that it didn’t matter whether it happened last weekend or in a months time. If he’s a shit, he’s a shit and better to find out sooner! 🙄😩

Aren't we all positive about sex🤷‍♀️

The thread concluded it was code for casual or just looking for sex in general.
For me sex positivity has only been included in the profiles of certain types of men.

I don’t think they even know what it means. They just see the word sex and that’s as far as their tiny mind gets.

I asked one once and he replied ‘im
hot stuff in the sack baby’ - of course you are mate 🤣🤣

@SortingItOut i think it should have been included in a few I’ve met masquerading under the “long term relationship” badge!

Try not to overthink...you clearly had a good date and then a good night with him and you fully consented.
If it goes nowhere at least you had some good fun.

I would suggest going with the flow and waiting to see what happens.
Has there been a suggestion of another date/meet up?

@Bestlife18 mute and archive him for a few days and do not check the messages. If he wants you you will know!

Sex positive? er I dont know what that means at all.

You are absolutely right - thank you. Just not my MO so find it hard. Thats what I think just match the low level of engagement and play it out. Think he is another emotionally messed up man so it’s me trying to win over the emotionally unavailable again!

Nope, no mention of another meet up at all. Just “”how is your day?” Sort of handful of texts

Thank you - I’ve never done that actually!!

If you do think he is emotionally immature and you've 'picked' him for that reason would it be worth reading Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl to remind yourself why you pick them and why you shouldn't?

Dating is hard going🫤

@Bestlife18 I archive all mine that I move over to WhatsApp at one stage or other. And my ex is permanently archived although unfortunately he always pops back up. I find it really helpful. I think @SortingItOut has really good advice, try not to over think it although appreciate how difficult that is in reality.

So I've got another date lined up tomorrow. He isn't my usual type at all but I really liked his written stuff on his profile and he has been great in the messages so I'm back to being hopeful. And at least it's a quick meet up this time round. Only issue is that I'm not feeling great but if we don't meet tomorrow it will need to be next week. So hoping I feel better and can make it.

Ooh I’ll take a look for that thank you!

Thanks @Mckittens wishing you all the luck for the meet up! It sounds good! And like you said, not wasting loads of time in between.

Just downloaded the book @SortingItOut looks like it could be the story of my life 😬

Ladies I'm back!

Lots of stuffs happened over the week. If anyone still remembers, the date with Mr Modern 2 weeks ago was very underwhelming. My therapist agreed with my friend - let it go this time and see if it becomes a pattern afterwards before doing anything. Anyway, we then had a great day together and my impression of him has improved again.

I also exchanged notes with friends over some drinks. One of us met a guy via FB dating; he has just graduated from uni and brought his CV along to ask for her advice 😂 But another one is now engaged to her FB date, so it's a 50/50 success!

If I could put a title to this post it would be 'Buses'.

Mr Skipper is continuing with calm and easygoing messages, letting me know when he's available to meet again. Had a good 1st date with Prof; he's funny, active, friendly and his messages are very entertaining if a little intense. Meeting him again on Thursday.

Big surprise with Mr Nature, who was guarded when we initially met but warmed up during the date and has been sweet and kind and accommodating. Date 2 with them all will hopefully confirm chemistry but I like them all as people. What the hell do I do?! I've told them all I'm dating other people. I'm hoping second dates will reveal a front runner! I don't think I've ever encountered three nice men simultaneously. Two on Tinder, one on Feeld.

@Chocolatefreak goodness me, congratulations! And very good that they know you are dating other people and still happy with it. I think all of us know this implicitly but hearing it outright from your date is another level.

I have told my story about my epiphany with the book a few times but it doesn't hurt to repeat it for those who haven't heard it.

I knew about the book through Mumsnet but only in so much as it being about emotionally unavailable men.
So when I realised my partner (now ex) was emotionally unavailable I decided to buy the book to better understand him and how to help our relationship🤦‍♀️

When I started reading it I realised I was the issue, and I was 'picking' these men because they were emotionally unavailable 🙄
I realised my marriage had been the same.
I realised I was a Florence(Nightingale) and wanted to fix these men and make them better.
The book was a huge shock to the system but led to me seeking counselling which I did for 6 months and I have dealt with loads of stuff from my childhood as I grew up with emotionally unavailable parents😔
But I'm much better now at weeding out emotionally unavailable men and run a mile (despite sometimes wanting to 'help' them)

I need to hear some positive stories! That’s great!! I found that normally, one will reveal something that makes you think twice. I had two that I was deciding over a couple of years back and the one ended up going on hols with his ex wife (she was an ex for sure) but kept sending me weird photos of them all! That was an outright nope!!

I can totally empathise with that - I don’t really know why either. After my divorce I had some counselling and I think mine stems from a very early boyfriend rather than a family issue. It’s weird

@FallenFigs I hope it doesn't. I try to be open-minded but open relationships and ENM are just not for me (I'm way too insecure for that and I want a man just for myself).

@Okigen Great that things have been looking up with Mr Modern. Always good to have someone like a therapist give her second opinion.

Can't believe that guy brought his CV. It's so cute 🤗

@Chocolatefreak You've been doing well! Fantastic! You can always pick one and share others with us in the group 😋

What’s the deal with Facebook Dating? My instinct is this is likely to be the worst of apps in one place, but I may be wrong!?

Also the Bumble location is annoying. Been to another city today and now the ‘people’ bit is filled with men 150 miles away.

i realise this is not a tech support thread, but I do feel very off-the-pace with these apps…!

@FallenFigs I think you can set your location as static on Bumble so it doesn't move with you.

Getting ready for my date with this new guy, I'm super nervous. I'm now into double figures for dates since I started this venture and it's not getting any easier!

@Chocolatefreak that's so good you have several viable options. Here's to some good second dates with them all!