Dating Thread 249 - Summer

[librauk]

The Rules:

• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*
*

@NervesOfCotton Interesting… I can relate to the ‘hope it leads to a few more’ perspective. I certainly don’t like rejection, or rejecting someone - who does? Hard to get to know someone meeting just once, too. Have you liked most of the guys enough to want another date?

For me the struggle is perhaps moving from a few dates to wanting a relationship. I tend to find reasons to write people off and sexual attraction doesn’t come easy for me.

If you find yourself thinking ‘I could be doing something better with my time’ then what’s your motivation for dating?

And while I’m here… Went on a date with Mr WorkCrush, the best-looking man outside the M25 😂 And it’s definitely not going to happen for us!

I’m not really sure how anyone other than Amy Winehouse can consume this amount of alcohol and cigarettes before lunchtime. I knew he was into it but that was a pretty extreme level of consumption. He also struggled to hold conversation, it felt a bit like a job interview. The initial 2 mins were great but the rest of it just made me think ‘so damn attractive, so totally incompatible’.

Some friends joined us for lunch and think we were both really glad when they arrived, spent the rest of the time just speaking to other people and didn’t even hug/kiss goodbye.

Funny enough I feel better for it though. It’s healthier not to be having feelings/ being distracted by someone you work with. And there’s no ‘what ifs’ to worry about.

So there @occhiazzurri @LittleFloatingGhost, think that settles it and I can focus on the guy who is lovely, making an effort and very compatible. Sounds like that’s all it was, a little short-term crush that diverted my attention.

ElleintheWoods I know what you mean about moving things towards a relationship. It's not easy is it!

It would be nice to have somebody for 'me'. I'm always 'mum' so I'm looking for somebody to spend time with & do more grown up things!
My stumbling block is getting the chats going/getting the dates in the first place though

Hello all, haven't been active on here in a while but hope everyone's well
Since last relationship fizzled out I met another iron in the wild so to speak and we went on a few dates. All good, shared interests, similar family dynamic and very easy company
Just as we were getting into a groove a very similar pattern or prioritising work/social life/friends emerged so I bowed out gracefully.
Sometimes wonder do these men really have the appetite for a relationship and the effort required.
Previous ex pops up every now and then apologising for how he let me down.
Have a few days off next week and the week after I have a 3 night city break that we booked early in the year....am undecided what to do as my kids can't get off work so I'm thinking I might just go on ahead myself

ElleintheWoods I'm glad that the date has cleared your head, & glad that you had some friends to break it up a bit! Sounds like an interesting one

@ElleintheWoods at least you know! I was going to ask if the date was with Mr Work Crush.

Online is all well and good but not the only way. Just seen a man approach a woman respectfully, have a bit ask for her number, and get a positive response. It reminded me of how things used to be, the old skool way.

@LuckyLinda3 go on your own and have an amazing time!

Aw thank you @LittleFloatingGhost!!

@Honest00lad It’s nice. I had that happen to me a few weeks ago and went ‘you know what, it’s taken him courage to do this, he seems really nice, I’m single, I’m not local to here, so what’s the harm’? I’ve been complaining on here that men don’t speak to women IRL enough so may as well walk the talk when one does!

Would you do it?

@LittleFloatingGhost @NervesOfCotton thank you. Honestly at the time - we were together around 2 hours - at one point I was a bit upset, as we’d been flirting for months and genuinely mutually crushing on each other, as we’d said to one another on text. I still find him physically very attractive but I’m very health conscious and just can’t date someone who’s heavily into substances. I also feel like mentally he’s about 25 and I’m about 50 🙈 He just seemed really nervous asking me anything beyond the superficial. He was confident the first 2 mins and gave me a really nice surprise kiss when he got there but beyond that just seemed on the edge.

It’ll be interesting to see how Monday in the office is as he has signed up to work on something with me, but I feel like we might be ok talking petitions and hearings. Maybe something we can giggle about once a few weeks pass.

@ElleintheWoods at least you have you answer now. I’ve been following the updates and wondered what would happen!

Ive been dating someone for a few months now. But I’ve been stung by dating apps before and dated someone who was also dating someone else! With this man it’s all good when we are together. But I’m getting a bit paranoid about the what if he’s dating anyone else? Could be gut feeling? I noticed a finished pack of cleansing wipes in his house. Am I thinking too much?? How do I keep calm??

In my 55 years on this planet, only one woman, whom I don’t know, has ever struck up a conversation with me , how sad is that 😔

Really! Do you mean one conversation with romantic intent, eg asking for your number?

Or maybe you’ve had a fair few speculative conversations started by women but you haven’t realised they could have a hidden agenda?

I ‘chat men up’ regularly although I’m more subtle, but I’m also worried many find it scary when a woman dressed to 9s walks up to them and starts flirting.

No woman has ever asked for my number ( dressed to the 9’s or any other number )

only once has a woman whom I have never met before actually struck up a conversation with me and that was because she couldn’t believe what I was doing

Is it too late for you to go visit Scandinavia? 😂

Women basically have to do all the talking or nothing would happen!

How would you feel if a woman did chat you up?

And what we’re you doing??

No good

What’s with the cleaning wipes, how are they a giveaway?

Would you maybe just have a talk with him about exclusivity? Does he act like someone who is committed?

100% you should want to have children and 100% you will feel extremely unhappy at points during the first 5 years (gazillion percent worth it)

Hmmm… Some days/weeks are really hard and at times I massively regret having them. If I were to have my time again, even though I love them dearly, I wouldn’t do it. It’s hard, I feel like a crap parent as I’m emotionally drained, financially done and the I miss my pre-baby body!

I worked in Norway for a bit, ( and Germany & Poland & Spain Holland a lot ) , used to work with Norwegians a lot, but never got over there ( they really really drink )

if a woman started to chat me up, I would assume she had lost a bet that day.

i was stiiing at a bar look at map book planning a route for the following day , the lady was amazed that anyone still used maps

@ElleintheWoods I used to travel for work national and Europe, people always used to think is sounded good, but was actually really tiring and it killed a couple of previous relationships as i never home much for about a decade, sometimes away for weeks / months at a time

@NoDatingFor0ldMen Same, I used to do that and it certainly doesn’t help with relationships.

Just popping in to read the updates. Still talking to mister thursday but that is it - talking. It is all day messaging between us, flirting, banter but that is it. Now he was ill for a few days and between us we have jobs and kids but I asked him out today and he said he was back to work. I dont dispute it but he didnt go well no actually I am working sunday but free xyz day. He sends me kisses at night, morning messages, I know more about him than I know about my ex at this point but I just do not know if he fancies me. Men are fucking odd.

Singleandnotsureifreadytomingle Be careful, sounds like another who has no intention of meeting tbh. Tells you 'everything' so that you are invested. Hopefully I'm wrong here!

Personally, if we are both busy & they are saying that they can't meet yet (& are reasonably near by) then I suggest a lunch break meet, half an hour for a quick walk through the park or similar just so that we can 'see' each other, & if he's still... 'No I can't do that because reasons' then I'll stop the chat.

Trust me the men generally think exactly the same about women