Dating Thread 249 - Summer

[librauk]

The Rules:

• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*
*

@Dauntedbydating she is actually a nutcase. Is she threatening to call the police cos you were not answering the phone? Or are we all missing something? Absolute batshit and if you do see her again tell her the fighting Irish thing is a myth and her mother would be ashamed of her. Im Irish and take offence to her using that to get to you lol I know yes a small thing.

Also if a man, even an ex whom I was in love with said the words 'make love' to me I would get the ick too. It is a horrible phrase.

Evening all. Dipping my toe back in the OLD world after a fun fling came to an end. That came about via an app, after the end of a 20 year relationship. So the whole thing is pretty new….learnt a lot from the fling ( I hope) and now back out there.

Had 4 first dates recently (mix of Bumble and Hinge). The last of the 4 went really well, time flew and had a swift second date. Couple of things about the arrangements for date 3 making me a little cautious, but like others have said I am trying to get that balance of being enthusiastic whilst being realistic about the idiots you might encounter.

i do have trouble making sure I’m using the apps properly though. Am on Hinge and Bumble. Don’t really want anyone to see when I am on there. How do I do that?

Oh and I tried to block ex-fling on Bumble - pre-emptively (you can do this on Hinge by adding an email or phone number) but you can’t do it on Bumble. So had the sounding experience of seeing him pop up. You can then hide the profile but only once it’s shown to you..

I have no idea why she thought she should/could call the police, we have never met, only chatted on whatsapp and she doesn't even have my address, nor will she ever get it...Nothing progressed beyond a resonably mundane conversation...it wasnt scintilating or lewd.

Noted re "making love", it felt a gentler way of expressing it than "having sex", but the consensus is that it is offputting.

@Dauntedbydating yup that would give me the ick, too. Sorry.

There are lots of phrases that can be used to emphasise how much fun you had….personally the ‘having sex’ term would put me off too. Something medical about that. But, also important not to overthink and you were complimentary

@Dauntedbydating count your lucky stars so. You can clearly see why she is single anyway. Lucky escape.

I am not sure what term I like for shagging. Im not the most pc person and not very girlie so the ex and I pretty much referred to it as banging to be honest or him when he was trying to be amusing would call it sexy time which in fairness is icky but sometimes it was nicer to hear 'fancy sexy time' rather than 'get you banged'. I may not be your target woman for this one though lol

@FallenFigs in bumble, I believe the only way to guess someone has been online, is if their location changes (depending on app settings though). But if you stay on same location, no one should know if you've been online or not.

@Dauntedbydating lucky escape with that lady! With your message of "making love" I prefer something along the lines of "I enjoyed last night/ had fun/ great time"

I know everyone is kind of being lighthearted about this, but please keep those screenshots at least, in case it escalates.

Ooohh hello! (We spoke about 27 name changes ago, you emailed me some profile pictures) How are you and Ms Teacher?

Another date cancelled by a man. This time it’s someone who isn’t over his ex and he decided to let me know ten minutes before meeting.

This is just pointless.

Sorry to have a moan but I’m so so so utterly fed up of being cancelled on. Men are just so flakey on apps nowadays, I’m sick of it.

Hello 👋
things are good thank you, the Teacher & I are still the Teacher & I, we have had few ups and downs, I had an old man cancer scare- but still moving forward.

Thank you for the profile advice and picture help , was most welcome & helpful

It's a reflection on him and not on you!
Very poor form!

Seems to be pretty common

@JH20000

It is utterly shit isn't it. I keep telling myself it is 'the nature of the beast' but each time it happens it burns. I find getting straight back on the horse really helps, kind of leaves it in the rear view mirror. I have had 3 dates arranged the last 2 weeks and only 1 turned up.

He was so lovely and pretty damn handsome but no chemistry. But he turned up rather then ghosting me the day before like the other two guys who had arranged the dates themselves and been super keen!.

And because he turned up and I turned up we can both be like 'thankyou, next...' without feeling like shit or insecure or all the other feelings we can when we are either stood up or just cancelled on at the last minute.

It is tough.

I have a date lined up friday but fully expecting the ghosting or the 'i'm not over my ex text' so keeping excitment very VERY low.

@FallenFigs On Bumble you have Incognito mode (you have to pay). You can see everyone, they can't see you, but your profile is revealed to anyone you swipe right on.

On Hinge, you can pause your profile, so you may be visible for short periods of time, but if you 'pause' after every swiping session you should be pretty much invisible. When I was using it in spring, it was a free feature.

@Dauntedbydating I think your case is something where semantics are important. I personally wouldn't label the deed in any way, no 'making love'/'have sex'/'coitus'/whatever, whatever word you choose to use can sound off-putting to some. Just something like 'really enjoyed last night' is sufficient, she was there and knew what happened 😉However it sounds like regardless of what you said, it didn't have legs...

I'm starting to get nervous about my date on Saturday and almost feel like calling the whole thing off 😂Currently choosing my dress... He's seen me in most of my outfits! I was set on a sexy dress that hugs me in all the right places but now worried about being overdressed... He will probably rock up in jeans and a nice t-shirt or a shirt at a push! Gosh, why am I so nervous! I usually have no problem walking into any room and owning it, why do I suddenly care?!

@JH20000 it's such poor behaviour and very frustrating especially with literally no notice. It happened to me recently but with slightly more notice as in several hours. Is this quite usual behaviour, as in people are on the apps having just broken up or on a break? So not ready for another relationship but just using it for validation or an escape from the shit feelings of a breakup?

I think the latter is certainly true, first stop after a breakup for many.

Well he sent another text asking if we could still meet but as friends and then said he wanted a cuddle! 😂😂
I didn’t meet him, but I was pissed off about it all. Thankfully I didn’t have to travel far because I was planning to meet him after I had finished at the office but it’s pretty obvious he’s now wanting a quick shag to help him get over his ex.

He is now texting me saying he’s sorry and that he hasn’t messed me about as he never said he was looking for a relationship. What the fuck 😂

Hes blocked and unmatched

Hello @NoDatingFor0ldMen I remember the teacher. Glad that worked out in the end. Gotta ask though, have you redecorated?!

LittleFloatingGhost How did things go with Mr Bank?

JH20000 Lucky escape, he sounds like a nightmare

@NervesOfCotton we had a nice time and will hopefully see each other again.

Mr Local tonight :)

@NervesOfCotton how are things going with you?

LittleFloatingGhost Ooh, lovely! What are you doing tonight?

I've not had anybody Swipe me back/anybody suitable swipe on me, the ones who are interested are flipping miles away

@NervesOfCotton That’s always the way!

We are going for a drink :)

Umm yes, but she claims I have old fashioned taste & in turn I think her modern and “funky” decor is gaudy and awful - but she is normally right and I do have less beige and wood more greys & silver now ( and not just in my hair 😳 )

A question….’fun, casual dates’ means hook ups, I assume? It’s a minefield