Dating Thread 249 - Summer

[librauk]

The Rules:

• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*
*

@MeAgainAndAgain i know it’s really depressing seeing the use of ‘girls’. @Londonguy84 I presume they must be fairly young then say under 25 to be called ‘girls’?

Can we shift that to under 18? At 25 I was married with a child and had left my parents home 9 years previously.

Everytime an interesting male poster comes, people scare him off and act really intimidating because he makes some sort of insignificant mistake.

@MeAgainAndAgain you're not even a regular poster. How come you get to speak for the rest of us?

I don't mind if @Londonguy84 calls his dates women, girls or ladies. Christ, enough with the pearl clutching over inane things.

@MeAgainAndAgain No "we" cannot. Speak for yourself. I personally don't mind. Horses for Courses and all that.

You're not even a regular poster, why are you ruining it for the rest of us? You can't speak for me.

100% agree. There’s enough mansplsining muppets on these threads so it’s nice to hear from a decent man’s POV

Personally I couldn’t give a shit if he calls them girls - I’m pleased he’s being proactive and reporting back.

This isn’t just for female daters let’s welcome men with something constructive to say.

@londonguy I think it’s nice to see men post on here. I’m not worried by terms.
I would be yourself if you feel it’s gone well you could say shall we try a kiss for spark purposes. You could do that in a cheeky way to make it fun! If it’s not gone well I think you will know before the end of the night. An activity date I find takes off the pressure.

@cassiatwenty I’ll comment on whatever threads I want to thanks.

And where did I say I was speaking for everyone?

The fact remains that unless @Londonguy84 is dating children then he’s dating women.

Sorry, where did I say anything about men commenting here? It’s great, I have no issue whatsoever.

@MeAgainAndAgain Please go away and take your judgy attitude elsewhere 😂

Facts are scientifically established. You're conflating facts with your opinions. I'm legal and I don't mind being called a girl. Again, speak for yourself.

@Londonguy84 at least has something interesting to contribute as other posters stated. You contributed nothing but you judge people who share their experiences? Who asked for this? 😂😂😂

Isn’t everyone speaking for themselves? This thread is full of personal opinions. Someone goes on a date, comes back here and asks a question and in return, hopefully, gets lots of personal opinions. Why are mine not welcome?

In the interests of joining in (again, as I have been extremely active in previous threads), I’m thinking of going back on the apps next month. I’ve not been on the apps for a few years due to a relationship and a busy work schedule. I’m looking for a boy who is not too outdoorsy, are there any apps that those kind of boys go to? Or are they all the same?

Also, Bumble has changed since I was last on it, and I understand boys can message you first? Do I need to have a subscription for that or not?

I do not care what people call anyone else but it is ironic you say boys instead of men when having issue with that bloke saying girls instead of women @MeAgainAndAgain

@MeAgainAndAgain This thread was made for people to support each other as they navigate difficulties of online dating.

It's just rude to shame someone who has been open and vulnerable when you haven't shared any experiences yourself.

What people on here do mostly is share experiences and support each other.

It's fine when people lurk I suppose, just a tad rude (like any other thread) is when lurkers shame regular posters.

Again, it's easy to be on the sidelines and judge someone for making mistakes when they are being open and vulnerable while you're putting people down without disclosing anything about yourself.

Well put. I didn't even realise this double standard omg 😂

Surely she said it for a laugh? Otherwise it's just weird

@cassiatwenty i presume the boy reference was tongue in cheek. People are well within their rights to mention the reference about girls. I’ll Pearl clutch away on it!

And also it’s not some rare and precious commodity just because a man has happened to comment about dating….

I agree - I'm a lurker here too and have not posted very often, but I know this is a very supportive thread and I have learnt a lot from it. Of course everyone is entitled to their opinions, but it's not just what you say, it's how you say it. Using bold type and giving an order, as @MeAgainAndAgain did, can be perceived as quite aggressive, in my opinion. And also in my opinion, about quite a petty thing. But I appreciate we all have different opinions. I don't take offence to being called a girl, but I do take offence to aggressive comments, so there you go. I really don't mind being called a girl as I still feel like a young girl sometimes (I'm 61), so actually I'd be quite chuffed and not offended if someone called me that! 😊

@Shimla999 everyone has their own view on things. I’m 46 and if I was called a girl I’d find it patronising tbh. What you’ve experienced in the past and how you have been treated by men shape your view point and you can’t just dismiss something as petty. People feel what they feel.

I’m sorry I called them girls and not women, I was not being derogatory , I didn’t realise it would cause such offence.

One is 28 ( woman a) and woman b is 35.

@Tillievanilly i was actually contemplating suggesting a kiss and seeing what happens/what her reaction is. I would normally just go for it, but in this scenario I don’t think it’s appropriate and I should suggest it first.

The issue is, she said she goes for ‘bad boys’ - I’m anything but a bad boy and I can’t or won’t change who I am.

@Londonguy84 how old are you if you dont mind my asking?

@Newbeginning12 Of course, everyone is entitled to their opinion. I didn't dismiss it - I clearly stated it was my opinion. I fully understand that my opinion is not shared by everyone and it was not my intention to impose my views on anyone either. We all take offence at different things.

Tbh, 28/29 is a little too young for me, but she seemed mature and I was up for seeing what happened with woman a

At least you are honest to be fair to you! Best of luck and I hope something works out for you :)

@Shimla999 how can calling something petty not be dismissing something?

I totally respect your opinion - and of course those of others. If you want to say I dismissed something, fine. I have my opinion and that's all. I am not trying to impose it on anyone. And I don't mind being called a girl because inside my head I'm still young 😄. No one has ever made me feel bad by calling me a girl either.

Hopefully more men on MN (who are single of course) will feel encouraged to join MN's Dating Thread and the ones already here won't feel discouraged to continue.

Both men and women use OLD and I suppose both have different challenges and approaches to it.

It's interesting to read experiences from other people's perspective, and I feel like we'd missing out if we would start unnecessarily picking on people. We had a bit of drama today, but I don't see a reason why men should be excluded from commenting if they are decent.