Dating Thread 249 - Summer

[librauk]

The Rules:

• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*
*

Your posts are so interesting @Chocolatefreak I need to find that mysterious European city where you're at to meet some of those men. I mean I just wanna help with that surpluss

Tbf one guy I met Tinder (very attractive and down to earth) has spoken a lot about Feeld. You know what's weird? Compared to all those other men he was the least uptight, fully approachable and easy going. I fancied him quite a lot I expected a sex pest but I had weirder experiences with those 'normal' men strangely.

How does ENM and non-monogamy work? I'm genuinely curious. I don't have that much experience and I have never used Feeld

@cassiatwenty yes, it's interesting, but after my family unit and marriage of 18+ years came to an end, everything was turned on its head and monogamy didn't seem as important any more. For the moment - I will see how it goes!

@Chocolatefreak he stated in his profile fun dates. On our first date he told me his wishes for the future involving a family. He started the conversation not me. We seemed on the same page to have the fun dates and see if more happens from there. I don’t stay on the apps for long as I find them an effort but did double check his.

I think there are just so many weirdos masquerading under the “looking for a long term relationship” button because they think it will attract them a better class of women when they have no intention at all of having a relationship!

@Bestlife18
Totally agree, have come across men like this , on many occasions.

@Chocolatefreak your posts made me think how it might be good to think outside the box.

It's a bit off, because while a lot of men are witty and decent, a lot of them are keen on stonewalling and sulking and there's a touch of misogyny.

Perhaps it's worth to expand one's horizons like you have in terms of different countries.

Yep. They seem to want good quality women but have very little to offer so they say they’re looking for long term in order to attract those women when in reality they’re just looking for a notch on the bedpost

Hi, that link didn’t work for me, so I just googled and came up with this one. Is it the one you meant?

Beautiful mess

@MeAgainAndAgain Hiya,

Whilst using the app, both links work okay for me. Whilst using the website, your link seems to be working properly while mine is broken so thanks for pointing that out.

Did you read the article? What did you think? How are things going on your end in regards to OLD?

@cassiatwenty ”Whilst using the app, both links work okay for me. Whilst using the website, your link seems to be working properly while mine is broken so thanks for pointing that out.”

What? That’s weird! I’m reading on my phone if that adds anything?

And how are things going for me? I’m too busy with work stuff and not on the apps. I’m thinking the autumn maybe I’ll get back on them. I’m not really following the chat here too closely, I dip in and out a bit.

Hi

This is for ladies who know me and with whom I chatted with more than once.

I have a bit of a problem and I don't know what to do about it.

Can I talk to someone privately please?

Has anyone been talking to a Gareth Luke from Alderney Edge?

100% agree with this @SamW98

Advice needed time! So after my date last fri with the guy I had known from years ago, it went well, we talked on Mon that we would like to meet up again but there’s been a discernible difference in his comms style. It was quite full on texting for the first 2 weeks leading up to the date and now it’s down to a handful a day with long pauses in between. I know I sound like I am pathetic but this stuff just triggers me!

I’m still getting a goodnight every night - am I just expecting too much? It’s just gone from 80mph to 20! 😬 I’m trying to leave pauses with replies but what do we do in these situations without looking obsessive?! I have also not bothered with any more conversations as want to play this out for a bit longer I think.

Is this the guy you had a date with years ago and then you reconnected with him again?

@Kat888 no - this is the other guy I found at same time on an app and we know each other from years ago. I was basically looking for people with some sort of connection! Have had first date which was good.

The one I reconnected with after date 3 years agois so pathetic it’s insane. Literally one message a day and so lazy. My gut instinct from 3 years ago was right

My mate just sent a screenshot of a guy who messaged her on FB saying. He put he’s nut looking fur someone who drink, smokes, takes drugs or is riddled with STI’s

Not sure the latter needs to be said tbh 🤣

@cassiatwenty feel free to message if needed.
@Bestlife18 can you match his vibe. Do the same? Or point it out and ask? Distract yourself with others at the same time??

Thanks @Tillievanilly yeah I’ve started taking an hour or so to reply and actually left my phone in the kitchen all day whilst I was working! That helps.

I did think about the distraction thing but tbh, I’ve exhausted Facebook and need to set new profiles up and right now just don’t think I can be arsed with it all again! My friend was like “well do you really want someone messaging more than that?!” I explained it’s not the amount it’s the shift change!

Yeah that’s always a bonus 😬🤣

Well I haven’t been back OLD, at all. This town is too small, my age group (late 40s with young child) is tricky etc etc.

Im annoyed though as my (abusive) ex, the father of my child, has been dating in London (I know as spotted his profile when there a while back. With age younger etc etc) - he’s clearly met someone as accidentally text me some stuff about picking them up from somewhere…

It feels unfair that he’s unfettered and still in London, still earns £££ and is tall, with hair and initially fun and attentive / so no doubt having it WAY easier than me (despite him being abusive to me, it didn’t come out until after a child).

Whereas I’ve been shunted to a cheap depressing town, can’t work properly due to location and childcare, we weren’t married so nothing to my name asset wise.

Sorry to moan but it all seems easier for men?! He’s no doubt nabbed someone at least 10 years younger (as I am) too. Sour grapes, I know. But aghh! Sorry ladies. Needed a safe space to rant

@RosieAway i feel same about my ex husband. He barely sees his son, met some other sap straight after I told him to leave and is now living the dream with holidays all over the world etc. Although, I bet that text wasn’t an accident. Abusive Men are more calculated than that - I bet he did it deliberately to wind you up and there may very well not be anyone else. It’s really hard, I feel very similar to you especially when faced with a plethora of ugly f*ckwits that you wouldn’t touch with a barge pole.

@Bestlife18 thank you, and so sorry to hear you’ve been through it too. How annoying for you. Just so deeply unjust. And I feel a bit spirally him having met someone…. actually he was meant to be texting me about picking me up on way somewhere… when he dropped DC off he said “where’s this bike then, DC says you haven’t got one” - as whomever he texted by mistake (or maybe not) said they were on bike, then home. He seemed genuinely miffed I didn’t know what he was talking about and showed me his phone to prove it (has a replacement so just numbers rather than contact names) - it wasn’t my number and he looked embarrassed and said it was someone from work?! Yeah right. I managed to a scroll back a bit and they were asking about his camping trip this weekend with DC, so gah! Wish I didn’t feel like this.

We must be due to meet our own fantastic new partners soon!!

Right!

I had to end things with a guy I really fancied and even wanted to be in a serious relationship with.

I thought things were going really well.

Then something happened which made me extremely stressed and uncomfortable. I'm not comfortable saying what happened in detail on here (hence me asking to PM yesterday, and thank you to people who chatted with me and gave me sensible advice)

I'm so stressed out and sleep deprived right now. But onward and upwards.

This all made me appreciate Mr T. He is balanced and kind. He has been a calming influence for quite some time now. So all of this made me appreciate him even more.

Hope you're ok 🙏